Hi hun,
my husband has kids with his ex and she seems to think this gives her the right to dictate what he does with his life, it's caused a lot of problems along the way. We've tried a few different approaches to get things on an even keel and allow us to lead our own lives while still being there for the kids and seem to have finally (been together 8 years!) got it sorted now. The key really is that your bf needs to take responsibilty for setting the ground rules with his ex and it's up to him to make sure you are happy and don't feel threatened by her actions. It doesn't sound like that's happening at the moment and you need to make him understand how insecure it makes you that he won't make her back off, after all he's with you now, not her. Know it can be expensive but it really is best to get any issues with access to his son formalised legally as this means his ex has less excuse to try to control his life and everyone knows where they stand, gives her less reason to keep contacting him all the time if it's all laid down already. If he cares about you and wants to build a future that includes you and his son it's a fair request that he gets it all sorted out now and makes your feelings and his son's wellbeing his priorities. His ex shouldn't be a consideration and it's up to him to make that clear to her, you shouldn't have to be involved. You're right, she does need to give him some space but it's up to him to make that happen and if he won't then I think you're justified in questioning his commitment to you. Hope that helps, good luck and let us know how it all pans out.
Love, Clare xxx
| 
