No trust in my marriage on my part

Where do I start lol. Been with partner 4 1/2 yrs, married for 2yrs. Its never been easy, he was 20 when we met, I was 23 so he's always felt abit immature for me but we struggled through him messing around texting other girls & other dodgy stuff one incident after another but I was always clever enough to suss it out & catch him out until he finally did cheat on me.

I went away for a few months working, I cheated on him & told him so he started dating a 17yr old. When I returned we reconciled & things were good so we married 1yr later. I started feeling down as we seemed so different & I got upset all the time thinking about what life would of been like if he hadn't messed me around so much. Then when I aired my views he'd just start being aggresive & show violence towards me, I wasn't hurt badly but enough to have to cover up at work.

I found comfort in someone else who I slept with. He found out I'd met someone but didn't know I'd slept with them (he found out a few weeks ago though & says he forgives me) so we carried on. He then cheated on me again me & left me for this other woman who he'd known a month!...he was gone 4 days then wanted to come back as he'd changed his mind about her! I also found out while he suspected me of cheating he'd slept with his ex out of spite.

This was February & now I can't seem to put the troubled past behind me, there have been so many occasions I couldn't even start to list where he's texted other girls behind my back & now theres the internet I find myself thinking of ways to spy on him as he's messaging 'friends' claiming theres nothing going on which I find hard to believe. The paranoia is getting out of of control. I'm gonna end up a mental wreck shortly but I do love him & want to believe he can change but can people change? I know in my mind its not worth cheating anymore when someone loves you & you love them but I feel like our marriage is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off again. How do I trust him again? or do I walk away?

Sorry for the rant I'm just going crazy thinking about it xxx

I agree !

i agree wiv the other reply i think it best to split up as it seems that youre just getting revenge on each other and there no point in staying with each other if you keep playing these games as it not fair on you i would cut my losses and start afresh with someone new you deserve better !

Get rid of him now !

Get out NOW before you end up a complete mental and physical wreck, i've been trying for the past year to save my relationship with my cheating partner, even been to relate for months, and I still can't put the past behind me, so at the moment i'm on the verge of telling him to go, i so wish i'd kicked him out the moment i found out what he was up to, the longer you stay with him the harder it will be to leave him, i know that for sure. Get rid of him NOW Good luck x