Fed up of having a disabled husband

I have been married 30 years and my husband has been laid up with a bad back for 8 years, he is getting worse, cant walk, refuses any mobility aids, preferring to stay at home, in pain all the time and very depressed about everything. He's miserable to me and I'm fed up of it, I'm the only person he talks to except for a family visit once a week. I have to force myself to tell him about stupid things just to have something to say. I luv him but is this going to be my life for the next 30 years? he says he couldn't live without me to other people, but he's not particularly nice to me, obviously taking things out on me. i'm just fed up of it, I'm lucky i'm so healthy and work full time, - i know we promised to look after each other in sickness and in health but i want a normal life, going for walks & out to the pub, and not be under a stigma of him not working. i couldnt leave him because i couldn't put the problem onto our two sons who are married and have children of their own to worryy about. i don't really want to leave anyway, i want him to get better! when i look around at other people, i can see that everyone has their problems, so i don't particularly envy anyone, i am lucky that he is a good man who loves me, i'm just fed up of it all

Hey love

you need a brake love; i think ur sons should help out more n tell him to get the help n then u all can go out n he will feel a lot better in his self ; in da long run hes makin his self ill getting more depressed n it all fallin on you xx gud luck xx

Fed up of having a disabled husband

I understand and empathise with you in your situation. My boyfriend has parkinson's disease so I understand what it is like to have a disabled partner. Your husband sounds very selfish not to accept a mobility aid so that the two of you can get out and about. Perhaps he is embarressed to use one, I do not know. However, what I think you should do, is confide in a family member that your husband respects, and ask that family member to speak to your husband about his selfish ways, i.e. not getting a mobility aid, and therefore becoming a burden to you. Good luck and I hope you get it sorted with your hubby.

If its any consolation, I knew this woman whose husband was shot in the face and became blind. For 10 years she remained married to him, and then finally divorced him. She was such wonderful, warm, lovely person and he was such a miserable git. I believe he used to take his frustrations out on her, and I guess she finally snapped, and therefore filed for divorce. I never saw her after she filed for divorce, but I hope things worked out for them both.

Not fair.

If he is not trying ..... you need to give him a shove.....he needs mental help and your not the donkey in this relationship......tell him you are going on holiday and do so......go to friends let him deal with things while you are away.....do not feel guilty you are still there for him...but he is smothering you .....what happens when he passes....you get left with all the baggage....Get out and do for yourself and make him do for his self...when children leave the family home.....men then take advantage and move into the position of oh now you need someone to take care of and i want all the attention now that the children are gone...don't let him do this to you.

If

if I were in your shoes...I'd probably do the same...
i would always be there for him in sickness and in health..
no matter how hard it is....he's just probably so sick of
himself for not being able to do things for you....
just be patient...and be ever loving to your hubby...
continue to pray for him....cuz everyone of us has our own burden
to carry but GOD will never give us burden that we couldn't carry
at all... STAY BY HIS SIDE...u just dunnow how rewarding
it is to being able to give the love and comfort to
the person whom so dear to you.

Reply

leave him for a bit, go stay with a mate or something

might give him the kick up the arse he needs

Yeah thats true

I was going to write just the same

Wow.

30 years is a long time.
If he's not getting better then you have your choice. Either explain to him how you are feeling and see what he feels about it/whether he can make an effort to be nicer.

Or get some time to yourself by using the kids to take over for a few hours. Think you'll better with some time to yourself and getting some new friends or something that is just about being appreciated for being you.

Alternative 3 is a spurious affair with some random but since you love your husband I don't think that's going to do anything apart from rack you with guilt for a long time.

Venting at randoms however is a very good way of freeing up some emotions.

I'm in the same boat!

My husband broke his back and we have been through a tough time just like you and your husband.

I know how you feel, it's like being trapped. You love him and want to be with him but you want him to be able to do the things that make you feel happy and that you are living your life to the full.

We have young children so for me i'm here for the long run and i find myself doing anything to keep myself from getting depressed as it's easy to become as down as they are.
You are lucky to be able to work, i care for my hubby and the kids and get very little me time.

Have you tried getting your husband to speak to somebody about how he is feeling? It must be hard for him to deal with and you know what men are like when it comes to talking.