What should i do about my alchoholic ex ?

I met my now ex 2 years ago ,i was going thro a divorce and had 2 children,he had vertcially moved into my house within a month , it became apparent that he had a serios drink problem after me finding bottles hidden even by our bed to get him through the night while i was sleeping ! he even wet the bed he was soo comatozed,he was arrested in a park for being drunk on his own ,he even became violent towards me and the police were called one night (fortunately my kids were away that night ) I eventually gave him a ultimatum seek help and quit or its over i couldnt carry on and it wasnt at all fair to my kids , We found a local AA group which i took him to on a bout 4 occasions which is all he attended i went to alanon to help with what i was going thro , he abstained from alchohol for 8 months until 2 weeks ago when he had a drink because he said he could he fancied just one ,which ended up 4 bottles ,he used an excuse that he had had a bad night and needed to chill, eventually he went to bed , after me begging him 2 for ages , i followed up shortly afterwards and ended up with him trying to strangle me in a mad rage ,the police were called and he has been charged with assault has court this week ! Ive not seen or heard from him since ,That was his bail conditions that he stay away from me!
His parents came to collect his belongings at the weekend and said he was in a real state he is renting a room not far from me ,they returned a while later to borrow my vax (he had urinated everywhere) the place was disgusting and he was drunk and in the same clothes he left here in 2 weeks ago.
Why can he not see what he is losing ?
Im constantly worrying about him , thinking he may harm himself or have an alcohol induced fit alone in that room ( which he has had before )
I know i need to move on and forget but hes constantly in my thoughts ,
What can i do ?
Any advice

Sunflower
xxx

Move on...

forget about him gurl...please move on...
for yourself and especially for your children...
it's probably hard in the beginning
but you can make it...it's not like you're
goin to die right?!!!
there is a man destined for you...a good man..
forget about him....he'll just make your life
miserable.... go find your soulmate out there....

Hi hun,

I think you've answered your own question really, you do need to move on although I know it's hard. Ultimately you are not responsible for this man and he will not take responsibility for himself until he is forced to because he has no-one else to do it for him. It won't feel like it to you now but you really are doing the best thing for him by turning your back, while he still has someone to pick up the pieces why should he do it for himself? There is always the chance that he won't do it even then and will just continue on this downward spiral but if that's the case do you really want him to take you and your kids with him? It's commonly recognised that alcoholics and drug addicts have to reach rock bottom before they can begin to see the way to recovery, the longer you support him the less chance he has of dragging himself back from the brink. All you can do for now is focus on repairing the damage he's done to your family and getting yourself strong again, it's incredibly hard living with someone with an addiction and you need time to recover too. I know it's hard to turn your back when you've been trying to help him for so long but sometimes you have to cut your losses before it's too late and he does irreparable damage to you or your kids. He will either sort himself out and come back to you stronger and better or he won't and then you'll know you did the right thing by not subjecting you or your kids to any more pain. It's a horrible situation to be in but it's time you put yourself first, you'll do him no favours by letting him get away with the way he's behaving now, why should he change if he's not losing anything? Good luck hun, be strong and you will get through this.

Love,
Clare xxx

So hard but so right!

Hi Clare
Thanks for your reply you are right in everything you say and i know what im doing in staying away and letting him hit rock bottom is the right thing and best thing i can do for him ,but i cant help caring. I know i will get over this and find happiness one day , I need to live for me and my boys now and move forward leaving him in the past where he belongs .I wish there was a button that erased him lol be so much easier .
Thanx again
x

So hard but so right

Hi Sunflower

I really feel for your situation and completely understand. The advice about letting him hit rock bottom may not be the best. I left my ex husband 5 years ago as I just couldn't bear to live with him anymore. I learned a few months ago he drank himself to death. It broke my heart and I always think maybe I could have done more for him or helped him stop. Truth is alcoholism is an illness and he has no control. He can't make the decsion to stop drinking but that doesn't make him any easier to live with especially when, like me, you have kids to think of. If I could turn back the clock I would take on a seperate role. Not the wife but maybe a friend and check that he is basically looking after himself. You need to put yourslef and the boys first but you can't stop caring for someone you love. You may not always love the behavior but under the alcohol he is still there. I wish you all the best.