Objective advice needed...

Hi,

I could really do with some good advice.

I work with a guy I really like. A few months ago we had a brief fling, but I haven't been able to completely get over it because I have to see him everyday at work and I liked him before we started dating. But, I can't figure out if he likes me or not - he's sent out very mixed messages since the whole thing started. Here's the story so far...

We worked together (not closely) for just over a year before I organised a work night out, got rather drunk and pretty much pounced on him. He totally reciprocated and I was going to go back to his, when my friends stopped me (because we work together) so he took my number and phoned me as soon as I got in that night and we had a drunk conversation - I can't remember what about though.

So I text him on the Sunday night before work, just to make sure everything was cool between us - which he said it was, I then joked with him asking if he'd be up for some more fun at work and he said yes, and when I then asked if he was only up for sex or actually wanted to get to know me, he said he wanted to get to know me. So he passed the first test.

So we went on our first date, and I said he could stay at mine (we live about 30mins away from each other) so we could both have a drink, but that he had to stay in the spare room - which he was fine with. After mucho snogging on my sofa, we decided it was time to call it a night, and he actually went to go to bed in the spare room! I being a raging stupid nympho decided it was better for him to share my room!

Anyway, at work we had a few flirty moments, secret emails etc. We texted during the week and had a second date the next week - he came to mine and we veged on the sofa chatting, laughing and kissing, but I didnt sleep with him, and he left at 2am. Again afterwards we had flirty minutes at work, emailing and texting.

On our third date, he turns up at mine and suggests we go to London for the night. So he pays for the hotel, drives us up there and we go out, get wasted, have so much fun and are all over each other, then have a MASSIVE argument outside the club. Yes I know it makes me look like a psycho, but I can't honestly remember what the whole thing was about, except that he said he didnt want a relationship and so I said, well why dont we just stop things right now - he agreed - hence the argument. I couldnt belive he took me to London to tell me that when I couldnt escape (it was 3am). Anyway, the next morning he obviously felt guilty, because he looked after me (I had the WORST hangover) and drove me home. But then stayed at mine to 5pm. When he left he said again he didnt want a relationship.

So we left it. But the following week, we had a works night out in London. And he stared at me the whole night. So many people noticed, and so far we had managed to keep it secret. And he held my hand up from the boat to the coach, sat next to me on the coach , and was all over me - I had to keep swatting him away like a fly!!! I ended up going back to his on the condition that we talk first to clear the air (I was drunk), and he said the reason he didnt want to get into a relationship is that he was scared. He broke up with his ex in February, and I think he got quite hurt. And that he didnt want things to get wierd at work, which is understandable. But then he said "but it's OK now everyone knows". Anyway, I end up staying at his that night, all day Friday, and he drove us back to mine Fri night and stayed over.

After that, I didnt hear from him at all. He ignored me at work all week (walking past me and not even looking at me), so I sent a ranting text telling him to grow up and that he was the one making things awkward. He said that he was sorry for being a ... and, when I replied 'you're obivously not interested, lets just leave it as friends' he replied "sorry xx". I was gutted, but left it alone as I didnt want to embarrass myself.

Anyway, it's been a few months now and he is now being really chatty and friendly again, he starts the conversations with me, and we also exchange silly, cheeky emails.

So, what do I do. I really like this guy, and I never really like guys. Do I wait, do I ask him for a drink, do I ask him if he's seeing someone, or do I just leave it alone?

I think he is a decent guy, and maybe he was just confused and didnt know what he wanted as we were always making each other laugh and couldnt keep our hands off each other, but then the other side of me thinks he was just using me.

Sorry for the massive ranting essay by the way - any advice welcome!!!!

xx

Hi

This happened to me once! Exactly as u are describing - all over me on minute and then acting like we were strangers the next! Actually we hardly speak now - we are civil to eachother, but dont really make much conversation.

I would tread carefully or u could end up getting hurt. I know what its like to turn up every day and have to see him and be constantly analysing his behaviour and getting confuuuuused!

I would say steer well clear if i were u. He sound like he fancies u, but is a bit immature - he wants all the trappings of a relationship - ie a kiss n cuddle evry now and again, without the commitment. also he could be on an ego trip. U deserve better! And the feelings WILL fade, i promise, even if u dont think so at the minute. One day, i just 'clicked' - i realised i was the one making all the effort and he was just loving it. I thought to myself, why should i put all this store in you? And my priotities changed.

Just keep civil but platonic with him and dont slag him off (however tempting) otherwise it might cause probs for u at work.

Good luck to u - ull find someone much better!

Ohhh, dear

Oh god, this sounds like a similar situationi had between me and my ex-best friend. I knew he liked me and things got waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too heavy. I tried to back out but i didn't want to ruin my friendship, plus, i was sitting on the fence, so i didn't completely abandon him.
But i told him i didn't think it was a good idea to be together and things got really confusing, we had all these arguemtns, then things were fine, then arguing again. Eventually it got too much, he'd tell me he hated me etc, told me he could handle just being friends, but, oh, he wanted to make me cry...
This other guy who i'd know as long as my ex-friend, has never said a bad word to me. I went for a weekend with him and, oh god, it was indescribably brilliant! I needed to simplify things, so i'm now going out with him
My ex-friend said he could handle it, but he obviously couldn't. I couldn't stand it, so we've just broken down


So.. sorry about that! Back onto your topic...
I, personally, feel SO bad that i lost the best friend i ever had, and would love the chance to be just friends with him again.
Speaking from his situation, i really don't think you should push hi, Leave it, just be friends, flirt a bit, that's fine, but don't expect or ask for anything. wait until he properly suggests and actual relationship, then you can know for sure that it's not just going to happen all over again. Maybe he does jsut want to be friends again.
I really hope this has helped
xxx