Draw a line
First I would like to say I know it was only my decision to choose this path, nobody elses. Also, at the age of 29 I am sorry to say I might be bit naive about relationships. I know what is wrong and what is good but as soon as it applies to me (and I am not a selfish person) its a different story
The original post gave me feeling that I am not the only one dealing with such problem. I knew that except the fact that I never thought it would happen to me. Like a bad illness or accident......you never think it will be you....
Anyway, I have this boyfriend Eitan and we met 8 years ago. I will cut the story short, cos there is a lot to talk about, believe me. About 4 years ago, we were living together but he was never there, cos he was working 100 miles away. I got upset that I never see him and that I had to live with his flatmates (a couple) and it was quite painful watching them just being there together and me always waiting for Eitan to come back. So I decided to move to my old female (single) friend. We kept in touch with Eitan. After a couple of months we met, hi sounded very sad, quilty, frustrated, but I needed to see him, he was and still is the one I want to be with. We got back together properly again and I moved with him, this time to the area where he worked. After a couple of weeks I only found out! He got a girl pregnant. The whole world started spinning in my head. If I robbed a bank, trust me, I wouldn't even notice. Upside down and inside out....just to give you an idea what my feelings were like. Apparently, he wanted to tell me but didn't know how, so it was pretty easy to see all the emails and pregnant book lying on his desk at home (probably for me to find).
I decided to stay because he said he didn't want a child with Her and it might not be his etc etc, bla bla bla and he didn't want to do anything with either of them. He paid for her ticket to Australia to stay with her parents. She since then, started attacking him verbally-voice messages, texts, loads of emails, calling at 2 am in the morning (different time zone) etc. Me and Eitan went through hell. But yet, he did not do anything. He just never replied which made me feel really sad.
Now, his daughter is 3 years old and since then, he has been in Aus once already. Suddenly, he is a proud "parent" and I am quoting cos he is only a biological one. He has nothing to do with his daughter except paying her child support. Recently, he started sending cards and stuff. Makes me feel very sad. I do accept the fact he has a daughter but it looks to me he just enjoys being a father (although only financially) and he doesn't want to talk about our future and our family. Man, it hurts so much! He can do this kind of commitment but he cant' deal with his own future. He is getting quite old too, he is 42 and I am just scared it will be too late soon for him and me to have a family. I don't want my children have a grandfather as their father. I thought this year would be perfect to start a family, but I am most times accused that I don't accept his daughter (who he denied at the beginning for about 2,5 years) and that I don't do things right and that we have to do it at the right time.
Have I really wasted 8 years of my life? I tend not to think so cos I still believe he will commit to me soon. (Thats the naive bit). Also the mother of the child doesn't let go. She is obsessed with him, sending him emails so often and not only emails, 97 percent are plans made in Excel when he can go to Aus next and how much it will cost and all this. Its really freaky! She even plans holidays with him etc.
My problem is: how do I tell him or what should I do to stop this? I don't have a problem with the daughter. Thanks god they are in Aus otherwise she would be on my back 24/7. But he never does anything to let the mother know that he is not interested in her or her crazy emails and plans. Is he scared he will lose daughter? He shouldn't for gods sake, she is in Aus! What is the big deal? Why can't he concentrate on Our future, Our child? Is it because it is here, on the plate, waiting for him, am I offering too much, too easy????
I would like to remind that I am incredibly patient person, I admit, in this case, quite jealous, but who wouldn't be. He blamed me that he can't have picture of her in Our home! I am dying to have a family with him (the past 2 years I would say) and he tells me this! Please don't tell me I should put pictures up and so on, I don't need a reminder that he already has a child with somebody else.
I truly believe if he committed to me and we started our own family, it would make me so relaxed and concentrate on that rather than the past. This is not excuse. I know this for sure. As much as I know he is still the one to be with. We get on well too, until we start talking about future etc. And don't get me wrong, there might be a big long pause, its not like we (I) do that every week or month! I only want to know if he even considers me as his future wife and mother of his children.
I am not a desperate 29 year old girl who wants to get married right now, but after 8 years (on and off....) relationship I do expect more than my boyfriend looking after his child he didn't want more than his and my own future.
Thanks for listening. I will be happy to read your opininons.
PS Sometimes when I read other peoples problems, makes me think: "Leave now, its a waste of time" But it s easier said than done, especially if you get on great, and have similar opinions and basically everything works quite fine until talking about this "girlie" things. I want him to be the one, but please, give me the strengh to leave sooner before its too late. I thought I was having a long term relationship, working on the future, family, and so on but was it only my big lie to myself????
I am on the way to live with this "burden" and I do want to try, seriously. I only need my boyfriend to draw the line.
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please read this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
