Getting married - don't know if i should

I met my partner 2 years ago and we have a 10 year age gap. He did all the chasing and it took him a while to win me over. Weeks after we got together he asked me to marry him. He told me how he loved me more than he'd ever felt before and how I made him want to settle down and have children for the first time ever. He even stayed in a terrible job to be with me rather than taking a transfer he was offered.

Before meeting me he'd spent about 10 years working in different countries, being with a lot of women, cheating in most of his relationships. He'd been engaged once before but she got cold feet. He said he was always faithful in that relationship. After that he was with another woman for 18 months who he would constantly talk about once we were together and he had hundreds of photos of her. Some rather inappropriate. I told him it upset me and he deleted them but the jealousy was still bubbling away in me because of how much he'd go on about her. Apparently this relationship ended because she wanted to move to Australia and he didn't. Also he said he cheated on her a lot towards the end but she never knew this.

I was feeling better about things until about 4-5 months later when we went to his brothers wedding. He was very drunk and told me amoungst other things that he would never love me like he loved her and that I was terrible in bed. I would have left him there and then if I were able to but we were stuck in a part of France with no taxis and I couldn't speak a word of French. We just ended up staying together but I have never forgotten that night and if all he said was true I don't know why we stayed together. He wouldn't ever tell me whether he meant any of it or not.

Then I became pregnant with our son. Around this time I also found porn on his computer which he'd made with her. emails from her inviting him to come to Australia and a passport photo of her in his wallet. He said he didn't know they were there and I guess I accepted it because I was too busy with thinking about my baby and I didn't want to rock the boat at that time.

After my son was born I began to plan our wedding. We'd already been engaged for over a year so it seemed a good time to plan for the following year. However my partner seemed reluctant and eventually told me he didn't want to plan our wedding yet because his brother was now getting divorced. He said he still wanted to get married in a few years time maybe.

I'm not happy to be engaged with no marriage in sight. You either want to get married or you don't and if you don't right now then now is not the time to be engaged! So I took off my ring and told him that.

Arguments followed about how I can't get what he said out of my head about never loving me like his ex. I've confronted him in the past about it but he refused to confirm or deny it. Then I made one last ditch attemp. He either tell me or I leave and he finally said he maybe didn't back then but we've been together for so long now and have a son and things are different. Only now I can't help but think I've pressured him in to saying it and even if it is true - then when he asked me to marry him he didn't love me like he made out. So why did he ever ask me to marry him in the first place? I don't want to marry him knowing he'll never feel about me the way he did about her. Its just wrong. Surely when you get married you have to be 100% sure. How can you be if you love/loved someone more?

I don't know where I stand with this guy.

Take it or leave it

decision will be yours dear and it depends on how long your patience can take. based on your story there's a big tendency of him goin back his ex otherwise you have to find ways how to beat that girl when it comes with sex, as we all know sex is crucial with guys and w/o satisfying that needs of 'em they'll find somebody else to fullfill it,cuz a man with lot's of experiences when it comes to sex will always compare they're previous bedmates,so it's either you stick with him and find ways to beat his ex in every aspect or escape from a terrible life with him..it's all up to you my dear..
God bless..

Reading your storymakes me feel so sad for you. Being a mature old bird (well 50) my advice would be to run as fast as you can away from this man and you will, in time, find a loving man who is deserving of you, be a lovely husband and father to your child. DONT risk a lifetime of sadness as if you feel like this now it will only get worse.
I wish you well.
d
x

Getting married - don't know if i should"

they do say that a drunk mind speaks a sober heart so maybe he really doesn't love you like he loved this women but you obviously decided to go into it for the long haul because you had a child with him. what's the point of being engaged if there is no marriage in sight.and you are right when you get married you have to be 100% sure that this is what you want to do marriage is forever but then again having a baby with someone is forever too.

Dont do it

Sorry to hear your story.
I think you sound like a really nice person and ur stuck in the missle of a thorn bush and dont know how to get out.

You really need to get this idiot out of your life maybe not complety as his the father to your child. I think eventually he will move to australlia and marry that women who he seems to love one hell of a lot more than you sorry the truth hurts but it really does seem like it to me.

Good luck babe xx

He is a loser

he is a loser u need to leave he doesnt giev a ... and when ure drunk u tell teh truth and nothing but! dont marry him he sounds an absoloute prat he jst wnats a younger girl to take advantage of!!! walk while u can love honestly else u will regret it for the rets of ure life darling! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Getting married - don't know if i should

Take it or leave it

Hi