Infuriating long distance relationship, or is it the man...

Hi
Never posted on here but need some friendly advice.

I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. it's had it's ups and downs due mainly to pressures with work and distance and family. If these pressures were absent then I'm sure it would work fine.

Lately however he's been super busy at work and under a lot of pressure, so much so that it's beginning to take its toll on his health.

It's also taking it's toll on our relationship in as much as communication is less often. When we do communicate it's great and when we're together it's amazing, best ever, but lately a day can go by without hearing a peep from him. The distance factor makes it really difficult for me and i try my hardest to be trusting and I hope he wouldn't stray but it's impossible to tell from here. It's also more distressing to when a quiet day is the after we've been together.

If i contact him asking where he is he just gets sh1tty with me and tells me i'm high maintenance! Bah!

So girls, should what do you suggest, short of moving to be with him (impossible atm). A) bide my time quietly B)tell him at risk of him going off on one because of work stress

Thanks in anticipation. I need a glass of wine!

Jelly xx

It can work

i don't care what anyone says it can work as long as you can always see a point in future when you will be closer or at least hope for it i have many friends who have survived long distance

example one
friend went on holiday to africa fell head over heels in love with an american expat, they had a relationship for a year via skype and two visits then she moved to milan with him where they lived happily for 2years, they then moved to africa for a year, but have recently split and she is back in uk but they had a good run after the long distance stuff, she realised after all that time that he wasn't right for her and she met someone else.

example two
my male friend was with his girl for 2 years when she moved to ireland, they did long distance for two years with no end in sight, saw each other every second weekend, he had no intention of moving over there (more job ops for him in edinburgh) her job was in ireland no hope of moving,then our of the blue her company opened offices in edinburgh! a year on they are moving intogether and he tells me he will propose by the end of their first year together. i told him to take her toparis!!

example 3
my friend met a frenchman while on uni exchange they did one year long distance, i think they saw eachother everymonth, she then moved there to get some experiance for one year but was unable to find a good job so she is back in uk and they are doing long distance again but are still madly in love!

i think it can work but eventually moving will have to be an option for one or both of you.

It can still work

Hi

I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years...he lived in Scotland I lived in Northern Ireland. He moved over 3 years ago and we are still going strong. I admit the 2 years when we were not always together it was very hard, we had fights, tears, stress etc but the strength of us together kept us going and the fact we knew we would be together properly sometime.

I would ask him why he doesn't speak to you as much as he used to and tell him that it is upsetting you and making you feel bit insecure. Tell him that you love being with him and you love speaking to him and that its the one part of the day that takes you both away from the stress of work and everyday life. Maybe also spice things up with a kinky text and see how quick he replies to that!

Infuriating long distance relationship, or is it the man..

long distance relationship never end up working because although you have an emotional connection to the person you are not in each others presence long enough to build that physical connection. And one of you eventually seeks that attention from an outside course, and eventually drift apart despite your efforts to remain in contact with each other.

Hi p

long-distance relationships suck. little or no physical contact can really make you feel like something is missing. Also, not talking can grow in fondness, but can also take the worst of negative effects, as you can tell. If his negative personality continues whenever you try to stay in contact, it's best not to stay in contact at all, cos it clearly shows he doesn't want you around. Just tell him how this is affecting you and if he cares, sort something out between you. surely you mean more to him than a job? if he doesn't care, he'll just call you high maintanance again, and that's the time to dump his ass for someone else, cos that shows he cares more for his job that gives him ill-health, rather than you.

Hi

Heyy

ive just come out of a long distance and i agree it can be hard not having him there when you need him.
i think you should talk to him, if not you will just end up loosing him anyway.
and if he does fly of the handle, depending on what has happend, then he doesnt deserve you anyway, he should listen, just break it too him gently and be as nice as possible, he should have no reason to get angry should he?

xx

Hmmm

I hope this works for you, I really do. I swore after divorcing my husband that I'd never be in a long distance relationship again. We courted long distance for 9 months and there was frequent contact. He seemed sweet and the type I was proud to be with. Trouble was though, when I moved to be with him, his best efforts to impress me quickly wore off and the person I was left with was a shadow of the lovely fella I origionally fell for. I stayed with him as I hoped it was just a blip, besides I didn't want to go home with my tail between my legs.

My mum used to say 'you never know anyone until you live with them.' Trouble is though, can you say that of anyone - even those within short travelling distance.

Your man is probabley sincere and genuine. I really hope so for you, but it's not fair on you to put up with the moods and snappiness. Relationships are hard enough and with long distance relationships, thoughtfulness and consideration has to be in plenty measure for the relationship to survive. Perhaps if you were to give him a little space and let him stew as to why you're not being too available might get him to buck up his ideas ie say you're going out with a friend and be a bit mysterious, might get him to be a bit nicer??

At the end of the day, you know your own tolerance level and it's clear that you're starting to feel quite rightly concerned/ aggrieved. If you feel the end is on the way, talk it out and and give him every opportunity to improve the situation. It'll be up to you to quit or stay, but please don't hang in there if things don't improve, you can't sacrifice your self respect, dignity and mental health. Have you thought about perhaps writing a carefully, gentle worded letter telling him how much you care and how important he is to you and how you can see cracks developing. He probabley read it a hundred times and it'll make him realise that you deserve so much more.

I hope this helps

DD

The same....

This is the first post i've made on here - but the first one which caught my eye seemed to have the same kind of problem.

I've been divorced and since then had relationships but recently found a guy who lives a couple of hours away....things started off great, fantastic, the world was promised the time was put in on both sides to spend as much time as possible together.

Then, without any reason the contact dropped off, now it could be one or two days without any contact, i've offered to travel to see him, but he makes excuses. He would rather travel to me.....I'm starting to wonder whether it's worth the effort. When we are together its amazing but I feel as if i'm the one putting all the effort in.