I'm turning into someone else...!?

I'm kinda new to this but then I don't know what else to do or where else to go...The problem is that throughout my (so far one year) relationship, I've slowly and gradually turned into one of those girls...paranoid, insecure, always checking up on him, always on edge... I hate it, it's not me.

It's a long story how it began, there were a few issues which made me lose trust in him, to do with things like drugs and lying. I'm 22 and he is 32 with two children and I so often feel as if I don't belong in his life, seeing as I hardly know much of his past and he rarely talks about it. So when I do find things out...some which are upsetting or surprising,I feel alienated and often angry.

I find myself looking at his emails, through his pockets, draws at home and other things. And as they say, when you look you find and so i'm constantly finding something that makes me suspicious and angry. And then I feel like I have to ask or talk to him about it and he doesn't like that, or at least I think he's had enough by now really. It's like I can't seem to get over the drugs issue, it was areally big deal to me and to him at first it seemed trivial...like there shouldn't have been an issue about it at all. Basically he did them for 3 years and when I got with him, I asked him to stop and he said it wouldn't be a problem at all and he stopped. But trusting that has always been very hard for me. But it's been a year now...and things are going from bad to worse...

I've always been such a happy, energetic girl and now I've dropped into depression and feel like nothing is worth doing. I love him...he's an amazing guy and it's not like he doesn't do everything he can because he does, he tries really hard to reassure me, but for some reason, it just doesn't work. I have no idea what I should do...

Some advice

Hi there,

The only thing that I can say that if there is no trust there's realy no relationship. It is possible that he has opened up to someone in the past then been severly hurt so that is maybe wy he doesn't tell you about his past.

By the sounds of it this relationship is harming your health & that is the worst possible thing that can happen. I would advise having a serious look at the relationship & seriouly consider wither the relationship is worth fighting for or wither you should say good night & move on with your life.

Hope this helps in someway.

Ashamed...

It does help, I've thought about it so so many times...that I need to just break up with him and maybe I'll get better. But something keeps me there and I don't know what it is...possibly that I'm being out of line and maybe too hard on him? Or whether it's just love and I don't want to let go of that...Or maybe it's me and I'll end up like this with every guy...? Questions that I can't find answers to.