My obsession with mr wrong!!

Ok, where do i begin?! I'm 24 and met this guy while i was still at collage about 7 or 8 years ago, he is a couple of years older than me. From the very beginning he had me under some sort of spell.. i was utterly obsessed with him. We weren't together very long because he wanted to see me more than i wanted (i was really busy with collage, my friends and competing) and so he split up with me. He was never particularly nice to me and never really made much effort, we just had amazing sex which i supposed is why i stayed obsessed with him! lol. Anyway over the years we have stayed in contact on and off.. always him initiating the first conntact after we hadn't spoken for a while (longest time being over a year!).

He even came to stay with me at uni a couple of times, which made me think of him differently. Somehow it seemed that the tables had turned and he was the more obsessed. We were both the biggest game players in the world and were always playing subtle mind games with each other to be the more powerful i guess. He comes across as very arrogant and overly sure of himself but in reality i actually think he is a very insecure person and thats why he blows hot and cold all the time, he always splits up with me before i get chance to split up with him! I used to think he saw winning me back as a challenge and then he got bored but i'm not so sure now. He was a player, a womaniser and never spoke much about his feeling but when he did i know he was sincere. Everytime we split i would swear to myself and my friends that i would never give him the time of day, yet everytime i saw him again or heard of him i was drawn to him. Then i went to work abroad for 6 months and we totally lost contact (think i may even had deleted his number) and i got a new boyfriend.

We lost touch for a few years and then he got in touch again recently. I don't know what it is about him but he still makes me giddy. He now has a very successful career and i think he would like to meet up but i'm not sure if thats a good idea. It usually ends in tears. Is it possible for people to change? Do u think if i am this obsessed with him after all this time thats a means we should be together or do u think i just want what i could never have? I don't know why he has such a hold on me. Nobody else has ever really lived up to him but he has done some awful things. My friends used to call him heroine- thats how bad he is for me. Everytime i think i have finally got over him, he comes right back into my life! GRRRRRRRRR! What should i do? Should i start things with him again or rid myself of the man who has caused me so much heart ache over the years? Maybe no good will come of it but maybe it could be something wonderful..

Hi

it sounds to me like he sees you as a safety blanket he can always depend on and keep running back to when he feels like it!!

my advice would be dont become that safety blanket, you deserve more, show him that your not dependant on him and hes already caused you so much heart ache in the past whats going to change this time around!

My obsession with mr wrong!

I think you should let it go just because you see someone and you always have this attraction to them it doesn't mean you guys are supposed to be together. I always used to think like this and realized that you can't live your life in fantasy mode all the time because if the person wanted to be with you they would be with you. When i was 14 I met this guy and I liked him, but we never got together i met someone else and we got together, me and the first guy i met stayed in touch over the years, we finally got together and we were together for 9 years and he turned out to be a total asshole who abused me physically, mentally and emotionally. When i finally got out of the relationship, I realized that it was his dream that we were together, and that we loved each other since teenage years it was never my dream. I just always thought of him as a good friend, and I think at the time we got together I was lonely.

Hi

He sounds like a jerk. I hate users. Game players, users, womanizers, whatever ya like to call them, they all revert back to the same thing; they don't give a crap about you, they see you as a side-menu. He keeps returning in your life to see if he still holds any 'power' over you and to use any that he has. just ignore the guy, he ain't worth it. Would you want to dump a nice guy who's loyal and sincere for a sleezeball who's term for fun is 'let's go chase my ex'? Tbh, for users, girls are like trophies: the more in love they are with someone else (especially if they're taken), the bigger the prize! You're just a challenge to him, 'let's see if I can win back someone who I can hurt and who's already devoted to someone else' is what he'd be thinking. my advice: your friends are right, he's just heroine. Just ignore him and move on with your life! You have a better man to love! }

Quit while i'm ahead

Thanks for replying everyone. I know when I read back my original post it seems like the answer is obvious and to everyone else it probably is. I should have said my new boyfriend and I have since split up for unrelated reasons so I am single again. Your right, he does see me as the ultimate prize but in some sick way i think of him like that to! Everytime he falls for me I do get a kick out of it, which i know is not really healthy and probably makes me as bad as him. But something inside me just won't give up on him, I don't know what it is. The only difference between us is that i would actually want to claim the prize for a real relationship not just as an ego trip. But I guess it will be the same story if I start seeing him again so am going to try and just be frinds with him. Thanks again everyone, it's really helpful to get an impartial view on things.

You already know the answer- get the heck out!

If you read back your post you will find you already have the answer- you're attracted to the players, the guys who treat women badly- and you already know this.

The only thing for you to admit is that every time you associate with him it ends in tears
Nothing has changed over the years
There is a strong physical attraction- okay, but relationships are developed with how good he is in bed!
You go back because you enjoy the game- you love the excitement
You like to win- your ego demands it

All of this is ok if:
If you don't fall for him then you won't get hurt
If you remember you're both playing a game
You want to waste time playing games when you could put that energy on a nicer guy

If you acknowledge the truth then it's easier for you to make a decision- something wonderful- I don't think so. ( sorry to be so harsh but years of experience on you and I can tell you now- game players play games- and it hurts)

Good luck!
Check out my blog- I give more tips there

Elanab