Housework shy boyfriend.

A few months ago I met a man who has Parkinson's Disease. He is shy of housework, so if I want a clean house when I visit him I have to do all the work. In the beginning, he flushed the toilet after using it, but these days he doesn't bother. When he spills things on the floor and carpet he just leaves them there, he does not even attempt to clean up the mess. He loves cooking and making a horrendous mess in the kitchen but does not clean up after himself. As a result I land up having to run after him and clean up after him all the time if I want a clean house. After spending a full day of doing all the housework, he still expects me to have sex with him. I am so tired that all I want to do is sleep. We do not live together but he wants me to move in with him. I am scared of moving in because I already find it difficult having a part-time job and trying to keep his home clean and tidy. He told me if I moved in with him I would have to get a full time job, plus he also expects me to do the housework. My question to you all, is that is it normal for a man to be a slob around the house, even to the extent of not flushing the toilet after themselves, not wiping the wee on the floor around the toilet, getting out the shower and leaving puddles of water on the bathroom floor, and even forgetting to use deodorant on his body/ underarms. I have spoken to him about his ways and he said he would try improving them, but if the truth be known I don't think that is good enough. Is he a typical bloke or just a lazy slob that is unlikely to change?

Your comments would be greatly appreciated.

I don't think being disabled is an excuse - sorry

I appreciate that he has Parkinsons (although i don't know to what to degree).

But he is well enough to do the cooking and make the mess in the first place. He's well enough to expect sex etc etc.

He is saying that if you live with him you must get a full time job and you must do all the housework. Well sorry i dont think its fair to demand that you work full time and do all the housework aswell. Being in a relationship is ment to be a two way thing. It should be both of you keeping the place clean. He can still do his bit even if he is disabled.

How did this guy live before you came along? Was the place a pig sty or did he clean up after himself. Has he only stopped doing it because he knows you will do it? You also say at first he looked after himself and used deoderant but now he doesnt. So he is more than capable of looking after himself and knows how to not be a slob. From the tone of your post i think you are starting to become unhappy with him and are slowly realising that he is treating you like a bit of a door mat wether he is disabled or not.

Give him a break - he has parkinson's

I would emphatise with your situation more if he was just a normal guy, but he's disabled for God's sake, so that's just something you should get used to. Instead of going in open conflict with him get some good house cleaning tools like dish washer or roomba to reduce amount of housework needed, they're cheap and it's a win-win for both of you.

Once you've done the easy things pick some realistic targets where very little effort would give most results - deodorant and flushing the toilet are obvious ones - and try to get him to do those by mostly positive reinforcement. If you just complain he'll feel bad about himself because and feel you don't love him because he's disabled - not what you want.

It's also funny that you mention puddles of water on the bathroom floor after shower. Unless you have wooden floors that can spoil who cares about that? Water is going to evaporate itself anyway. Most guys don't care about that.

Don't put up with it

Hi sorry to hear of your problems.

Some of the things you mention are typical bloke things. The leaving puddles on the bathroom floor, being a bit messy etc. But leaving turds unflushed in the toilet is pretty disgusting and not looking after himself by spraying a bit of deoderant isnt right either. It sounds like he has no pride at all in himself!

Could it be that he is depressed because of the Parkinsons? Which is making him not bothered about his appearance or his home.

Why don't you try not cleaning up after him. Would he eventually do it himself? I don't think he is treating you with much respect expecting you to do all of his dirty work.

Why have you got to get a full time job if you move in with him?

Hate to say this but i really don't think you should be moving in with this guy it sounds like he will lead you a dogs life.
(hope im not being too harsh)

Omg

OMG!
that's a pretty tough decision my dear
oh well you just have to make a right decision before taking any further action, the question is are you willing to take the risk in every aspects with him and if your hesitant then follow your instinct..
goodluck

Housework shy boyfriend

maybe because he has the parkinsons disease it makes it difficult for him to do certain things how far advanced is the disease, and if you are working part time and can't keep up with his mess how do you suppose you are going to keep up if you are living with him full time and I think you said he would want you to work full time, Maybe the parkinsons disease doesn't stop him from doing anything and he really just is a lazy man. i would think about the pros and cons of moving in with him pro would be his company and a con could be what if the behavior gets worse because now you are there so he will create more mess for you to clean up.