Did i have this coming to me?

Hi everyone, I was wondering if you could help me on something. I would love to hear from a nonbias viewpoint and if you can reply to this, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm sorry that it's so long winded, by the way. I'm just typing everything down as I think about it.

Unrelated, but it has some significance to what I'm like now:
My only experiences of men telling me they loved me were their methods of trying to get into my knickers. The first had been a bloke who went after anything with a pulse and a pair of breasts, while the other was my ex-boyfriend who proclaimed his love for me on our first date (prior to attempting to shove his tongue down my throat and hand up my skirt). So, even though it sounds stupid and unreasonable, I find it very difficult to accept it when someone tells me they love me because I'm constantly under the impression there's some hidden agenda behind it.

Now, to the point...
I have been seeing this guy from my college for the past... 14 months? I absolutely adored him, even though I was warned by my friends not to trust him as he has perverted tendencies and has been rumoured to be obsessed with girls' breasts. Even so, I refused to believe them because I believed he was wonderful. He was funny, albeit sarcastic and judgemental (think Simon Cowell), but every time he smiled I swear my heart skipped a beat. It took me a while to properly fall for him, but when I fell, I hit solid ground. He wasn't the best looking lad but to me he was the most attractive man in the world. (Oh I know, delusional delusional little girl I was).

However, even though I was convinced we were in relationship-bliss, some little things stated to nag me...

For one, it took him six months to actually label me his girlfriend even though we were incredibly intimate (sexual as well as snuggling) and he and one of my best friends were constantly fueding over a spat that happened between them late November 2007. He had recently come out of a relationship and according to her, he sexually harassed her (demanding sexy photos, not physically forcing himself on her); while according to him she kept flaunting it in his face. This went on even while he and I were seeing each other and because I was so convinced he was amazing, I believed him over her. I still regret it.

During the months we were together, he was always certain that I was seeing someone else. He even broke up with me temporarily because believed that I was sleeping with a bloke we both knew. He apologised for it, but I was since very hesitant about spending time with my male friends incase that added fuel to his anger. No matter what I did, it suddenly came down to me being a two-timer. For months on end, I felt like a whore.

What irritates me though, is that he had been seeing another girl "as a friend" on a very intimate basis (secret sharing, sleeping next to each other, discussing the in and outs of each other's sex lives) since before Christmas. When I mentioned it to a few friends (male and female) they were gobsmacked I didn't assume they were sleeping together and call him a cheat. I gave him the benefit of the doubt though because I figured since I had a few close male friends, it was probably on a similar level.

Now recently, a mutual friend of ours who avoided him through out 2008 for no known reason has admitted to me that through out the whole time this guy and I have been together, he has been harassing her behind my back in the same way he had been claimed to have been harassing my close friend. He has also been touching her breasts every time he hugs her and continued to do so when she told him to back off or hinted that it was unwanted attention. I have despised him since and have wanted to give him the chuck as two girls can't be wrong - especially as they were both honest girls and comforted me whenever I have been upset in the past.

Coinsidentally, as soon as the girl from his university has left her boyfriend, he has suddenly turned around and claims to be worried about the wellbeing of our relationship. What a surprise - note the sarcasm. He always used to text me every day and end each one with a kiss or a 'love you', but as of last week when he returned to uni I rarely hear from him and none of them end with a kiss or 'love you' - in fact, they're usually very snipey or just him ... about a friend of his.

I loved him. But I don't believe he ever loved me. If he did, why would he keep making me feel so low about myself and harass my friends in a sexual manner? Someone suggested that maybe at one stage, he did love me but perhaps not anymore. And that's where I wonder if I brought it on myself - if he did love me, what did I do to suddenly make him stop?

I'm so sorry for taking up your time, but I've been really upset about during the week. I want to get revenge on him and make him know how it feels to hear 'I love you' from someone who never meant it.

Does anyone have any ideas? Did he love me and I just wrecked it, or was I right to think of him as a scumbag who deserves everything he gets?

No! - that man never loved you at all

I think he had noticed your affection for him and decided to play games with you.

Give him the final kick.

Youre far better off without him

Thanks

First of all, a big thank you to everyone who replied to this topic.

I decided to end things with him, and despite my premeditated approach of calling him every name under the sun and throwing furniture, we broke up on fairly civil terms. I told him everything I had been feeling, and he told me the other girl wasn't "the other woman" though he's not sure of his feelings towards her. I also mentioned what my friend told me, but he denied it despite another source backing it up. I used the words "on a break" by accident, but I think he knows just as well as I do that we won't be getting back together any time soon. Surprisingly, he cried more than I did, and he told me he loved me several times and that he couldn't imagine not having me there (I didn't believe it, and I think he noticed because he was soon even more upset). Despite what I told him about the 'gestures' would make things awkward (helping me to my feet, calling me "darling", tenderly wiping things out of my face), he still acted upon them to the extent of wrapping an arm around my shoulders and kissing my forehead before I left.

Oh, and ironically. this whole week I have had a total of 7 texts from him that aren't sex-related. Within in half an hour of my departure I got over 12. Goes to show, huh.

He said he doesn't plan to get into another relationship for a long while - but I doubt that. I wouldn't be surprised if not even a week passes before I hear about him shagging a bird from his uni. Then again, shags don't really count as relationships - and he didn't say he wouldn't shag, so... Oh well. Who needs guys like that?

Thanks again everyone. Really appreciated your help and advice. Now to enjoy Singleville.

Clever girl

I had a big grin on my face while I was reading your text.

Next time your - hm- ex calls on you, tell him that he has a good chance to qualify for a top role in a hollywood- tear-breaker movie.

But his acting qualities don t impress you at all

Wish you all the best. - Take care

You don't deserve ths treatment

and no, it's not your fault.

Yes I think you have been nieve. Your obviously a lovely trusting girl and it has back fired on you this time.

You are better off away from him. He sounds like he will end up getting into some serious trouble with his sexual harrassment techniques. Touching women when it is unwanted in sexual assult and its only a matter of time before someone takes it seriously and he ends up in a lot of trouble.

Please get on with your life and forget about this vile man. You deserve better and will get better trust me.

Take care

Hey

If you ask me he sounds like a player, you should forget him. Dont let him see that its got to you! One day he will regret messing with the wrong girl. Keep smiling

"did i have this coming to me? "

Why do you feel it is something that you did to make him not love you anymore, Have you ever thought that he may have commitment issues. I tell my friends this all time if they are with a guy and he starts accusing them of being with some one else that means he is the one that is probably doing something wrong. i think you have always known that he is not that in too you, but you have hung on because you have some insecurities. Your friends have also tried to let you know about his behavior but because you were blinded by love you let him continue to abuse you. Now he has found someone he is really interested in and there is a possibility that he may leave you. Why don't you separate from him and if he wants to be with you he will try to make things work.