Does he want me? yes or no?

Hi everyone...

I've been 'seeing a guy' for 2 and a bit years... on and off. Apparantly we're not in a relationship, yet he says i'm the only girl hes slept with since I met him and he's defo the only guy i've slept with. We've been on hols together, sleep together on a regular basis, i've met his parents and have a good relationship with them and his family and I spend nearly everyday at his house.

Hes not a romantic, would never say 'i love you' but he does have his moments, often when he's sleepy he will cuddle up in bed etc. He says I'm not a girlfriend and that he wants to have a relationship when its right, not with me pushing for it (which I have done for a long time).

I just used to tell people he was my boyfriend when he wasnt - mainly because at the time I was overwegiht and had no confidence, bt now i've lost alot of weight and its noticeable and he still doesnt want to call me his mrs. I dont get this at all....

In my eyes he's a free man and that concerns me. I guess i'm sticking around because i hope someday he's gna turn around and say the magic words but maybe i'm wasting my time. Can I just say we have talked about kids, marraige, etc and he has once told me he loved me.

Any advice on this is great - he is also alot older than me, not sure if that makes a difference. perhaps i should back off - is the title really that important if we're both happy as things are?!?

Cheers. x

Loser alert.

This guy is a deadbeat. He is USING YOU.

You are his 'play thing', a toy. You feed his ego by falling all over yourself for him. Why? He is a loser. He is stringing you along and telling you what you want to hear because that will result in a blowj*b.

Look, unlike some, I actually know what I am talking about. I lived with a guy for five years, I KNOW how they think to the extent I could be one! Joke..but kind of true.

Lets pretend we are a guy for a second; would you want to be in a relationship with someone that ALREADY does everything a girl friend does without actually HAVING to be exclusive with her? UH..NO!

If I was a man and I had a booty call whenever I wanted one, someone to cuddle when I felt like it, someone there for my every beck and call - I sure as hell wouldn't date the broad. I get ALL the perks of being in a relationship WITHOUT actually having to be in one.

What are you sticking around for?

Fast forward five years; HE WILL STILL BE USING YOU IF YOU LET HIM. You are his MISS-RIGHT NOW not his MISS-RIGHT, then he will find the girl he wants to marry you and drop you like a hot potato.

And babe, lets be honest, you lost the weight because you had a mad convo with yourself that concluded that if you lost weight then you would get the guy. Nope. That didn't happen. And it won't either.

Lets see how can I put this on a level that EVERY woman can relate too, okay. So say in a mad world, you could eat chocolate all day every day and never have to exercise and you'd stay a perfect-size-whatever...would you still go to the gym and eat salad? NOPE.

That is how this applies to your current situation.

Babe seriously - you are like a microwaveable meal - convenient. Would you rather spend three hours cooking a gourmet meal after a day at the office or chuck something in the microwave that takes 10 minutes to cook?

He is taking you for a ride and you are too in love with the idea of him to realise.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath and pretend that you are looking at things through his eyes? Would you change anything? No. Because you have it all - a beautiful babe that is a slave to you, and you know this, and this actually turns you on. Flip the other side of the coin; do you want that fantasy to become an actual relationship, to actually have to 'work at it'.....uh no. Men are egocentric freaks of nature. You are his play thing, his toy. YOU WILL STAY THAT WAY because you are too busy hung up on him.

Ditch his a** because he is stringing you along, until he finds something 'better' aka his penis takes him to 'greener pastures', and until then he is loving how much you are his little toy. You are his dog. It pains me to be so harsh but you NEED THIS. Reality check time, babe. The truth is ugly but it IS the TRUTH.

Get all dolled up, go out on the town with your girlies and find yourself a MAN, and not a BOY, like his sorry butt.


Best wishes, babe.

HE is out there...he is just not this guy. x x x x x

Move on

Its time to move on!


You have your wants and needs, and he's not full filling that! you want a relationship, he doesn't! STOP wasting your time!

go out and find a guy that can help make your dreams come true!



BTW congrats on the losing weight!

Hun...wake up & smell the coffee!

he's just not that into u...at the moment he is having his cake & eating it too. he MUST b aware of how ur feeling by now and also aware that so far ur happy with the way things are......he's probably also wondering for how long tho.
the only way to see how he feels for u is to call time out on this 'relationship' & see how he reacts after time....tho be prepared for losing him altogether before u do this just in case it does'nt work in ur favour. but i see u have nothing to lose anyhow,if u were happy & didnt have doubts,u would not have posted this in the 1st place so u clearly realise that something is'nt right.
if ur an all or nothing kinda girl & u want more then u have the right to expect that.if this man does not deliver (especially after ur retraction) then keep on walking girl.......good luck to u j x

Hmmm its a difficult one . . .

Personally I would feel really uncomfortable in this situation. I would feel hurt that he was rejecting me as his girlfriend - and yet good enough to be his companion and to sleep with. He is giving out very mixed messages to you and its not entirely fair.

Has he been really hurt in the past ? If so you must try to have a talk with him and point out that you are not going to hurt him in any way. Sometimes when you have been really hurt you tend to think its going to happen again.

Like you said - i wonder if you should back off a bit. Well actually a lot.

Perhaps if you stop seeing him altogether it might make him realise what you have and how much he loves you. I know its a bit strong but it would really make things clear either way. It would also stop you wasting your time on a relationship that is going nowhere.

Hope ive helped. Its a tough one especially as it sounds like you are very in love with him.

Good luck

I agree

Hi thanks for your reply - didnt realise I'd get one so soon. I am besotted with the guy don't get me wrong, and deep down in his own way I feel that he does love me. I know he is sending me mixed signals. He leads a really busy lifestyle, he is self-employed and a work-a-holic. He has been hurt in the past and at 36 yrs old probably wants to make sure that I'm the right one with no messing about. He says things like 'you're still sat here doesn't that say something to you?' He can't really be cheesy and fall at my feet with roses and chocolates which is what I've always had but on the contrary that has always bored me something rotten and I've never really wanted all that fuss. I just feel a bit lonely sometimes. I mean, sometimes we sleep together, other times I sleep on the sofa and he likes his own bed. He is very respectable, highly loyal and faithful and I actually know for a fact he would never and has never cheated on me. We're best friends more than anything but I do reserve a place in my heart for him. Last week he was ill in hospital and I actually walked out of my job to be with him rather than have to stay there and worry all day about his well-being! He sometimes says I'm obsessed with him, which I kind of agree with. I am in my own little way, I'm obsessed with trying to make him feel like he's in a relationship with me and that I mean something to him. He has told me about some of his ex's, all of which have apprarantly been really really stunning, and i'm a pretty girl but I wouldnt say I am stunning either. He says that its whats in your head thats more important but at the same time he is very vain for a guy and likes looking at himself in the mirror more than any man i've ever met. His feelings seem to vary, some days he seems able to kiss me on the lips with ease, other days he makes a point of avoiding it and only giving me a peck on the cheek. He always says that he is stubbourn and that if i back off he will come to me, but i've never given him the chance, i've always been there in his face so should I just give him space. Do you think he has feelings for me? I mean, he just won't commit to me via a relationship, its a bit mean because I feel inadequate and am so not satisfied with being told i'm his 'friend'. To me its b*llocks and stands for nothing - we've been through alot together. A hell of a lot. xx

Wow!!

Well let me start off by saying that I'm currently going through the same thing with my relationship with my boyfriend. He's been hurt before really bad and when I met him his Ex wanted him back and he had a daughter with her. So that all put on the table left me somewhat devastated but I had to be patient, There was no love between the two but I knew what was going on from experience within my own relationships, I had already known what was going on even though it wasn't written in stone. Still he bonds with me and says hes only with me and were all getting closer as a family but then he tends to back away when he starts noticing things are progressing to fast. Now his relationship with his Ex has faded he has put more effort in us and focusses more on me and our bond, he also makes comments of our future and what were are doing and being in a committed relationship. So, from the advice I've gathered are three possibilities A) You can distance yourself to grow your bond closer B) You leave completely and if he does come back with I love you and all that stuff he will respect you more and or If he doesn't then he wasn't worth it and didn't care enough C) Or hes completely afraid of getting hurt and if you do leave your proving him right and you left him anyway. So with all that said and done think of these three options and sit down and maybe meditate on them and truly search your soul, your gut will tell you what to do. I know what to do I just have to gather up my strength to do it when I feel the time is right. Only you know what you can handle and can put up with and what your limits are. In the end you know what you deserve and what you want and only you can provide your own happiness. Love your self first and enjoy yourself to give yourself the confidence that you need, it also radiates on other people and how they perceive you, especially (him). Become the best you with what ever option you tend to choose because right now that's what I'm working on and its coming to the fore front and into my relationship. I feel stronger and more in control of me and my surroundings, I just have some more work to do. Its a slow process but I'm happy that I see my progress and I'm getting there. Thanks for listening I hope this helped you some!!!

Snap same happening here !

hi I have the same thing happening in my life. At this very moment I am gathering the strength to tell G its over, first he is here all the time then as we move up a level I dont see him for dust for a few days, then he turns up with nothing but a sorry and "Im scared" a way of an explanation !!!. Well does he not let it cross his mind for one second that I may be absolutley terrified too?. I do love him with all my heart dont get me wrong , but after two n half years I have had enough to be honest , I feel very sad about it and think I will fall apart for a little while ( am already beginning to !) maybe this will make him realize what could be or maybe he will just walk and not look back. Either way I need to end us and how we are, nice as most of it is cos I can see pattern being repeated for years and years otherwise, at least at 38 I can still meet someone else if I feel the need !!!!