Husband keeps looking at porn...should i leave???

I've been married now for 3 and a half years and I'm now pregnant with our second child. About 2 years ago I found that my husband had been hiding pornographic dvds in the house and watching them whenever he had the slightest chance, when I found out I was hurt as I felt I wasnt enough for him especially as our sex life had really slowed down by this point. I confronted him and after him actually turning it all around on me he eventually apologized and said he would stop, it wasnt a massive issue really and I forgave him. Since then it has got worse and worse, from me actually walking in on him watching it with his pants round his ankle (twice!) to actually watching it while I'm in the next room. nearly everytime I turn on the computer there are traces of adult sites or different downloads.He has even watched it in the same room as our child who was down the other end of the room playing with there toys. how sick is that??
after having our first child I have suffered with very low self esteem which has resulted in me having post natal depression and an eating disorder. I have such issues with my body I have even gone as far as to have cosmetic surgery.
My husband told me to put a parental block on the computer a few weeks ago as the porn is causing such bad arguements to prevent him from going on these sites, but I think it has just made it worse as I can now also see exactly what he is typing in! I thought that it was just straight forward sex that he went on to look at but hes actually going onto actual girls myspace pages and other sites like this, it just completely destroys me the thought of him going onto these girls pages for the sole purpose of fantasizing and masturbating over them.
I have told him how hurtful it is and how bad it is making feel about myslef and yet he just doesnt seem to care. hes a brilliant father and a great husband the rest of the time but now I'm pregnant again and I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I've been doing really well with my eating disorder now that I'm pregnant but after seeing these girls that he'd been trying to look at was just like a kick in the stomach and has made me panic about putting the baby weight on again. I'm just so unhappy and have no trust what so ever for him now, it wouldn't even surprise me if he had cheated! So heres the question...should I leave him and take our two babies with me?
an outsiders point of view would be really helpful thanks alot!
x

Get help

He may be addicted to porn.

One thing is for sure, watching porn while your child is in the room is sick - I think he has a big problem.

This is going to sound harsh, but maybe you should tell him you are going until he gets some help.

Maybe get help together, you sound very insecure.

Good luck

Going through same thing

Im trying to get help here as well. I found my husband sneakily watching porn. I found out when I was cleaning the computer 2 years ago and I viewed the sites, All porn. I was hurt. I called him on his job and asked him about it, he raced home trying to justify and lie. He later admitted to it and promised me he would quit. Since then I caught him several more times. I feel like a nervous wreck., like im not the person he wants, I feel out of shape, just plan ugly, I feel depressed. no matter how people I meet or even my husband tell me im beautiful, I have to look around and say '' are you talking to me''. I dont feel attractive especially to the man that asked me to marry him 5 years ago. Recently he blames it on being incarcerated and says i showed him the sites, til this day I cannot remember taking him to porn sites over me. I told him if he truly love me like he say he does why do he continue to lust after porn why not stop for our marriage,our kids. Its tearing me and our marriage apart, he doesnt think so he believes its all a bed of roses. I had a problem when I was younger but when I got older and married him I wanted to change to be for him. I put away sinful things. This morning after about the fifth apology I found on a computer he was working more porn sites in the recycle bin. Im so tired of me not being able to trust him and the bad thing about it I love him so much. What I did was copied the sites and a good thing about it, it has the time and dates so he cant say it was one of his clients. I am a mother of 6 kids who desperately need so good advise

Leave. now.

O.K. I am going to give it to you plain and simple for your own good and I hope that you'll realise that I am doing this to help you! *Hug*

Since you have married this pig you have: Developed an eating disorder
Had cosmetic surgery
Suffer from severe depression
And are becoming emotionally "broken"

You have caught him with his trousers around his ankles (EWWW!) and he has even watched pornographic material with a child present in the room, I don't intend to scare you, but in the eyes of social services that is bordering on some form of child abuse and quite frankly it is disgusting.

If you stay - where will you be in five years? In the ground in a box, after years of starving yourself no doubt, and where will your babies be then? Orphans...or worse, left with some sick pervert to raise them. Is that what you want?

If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for your babies - LEAVE.


P.S. I'm not a cold heartless b*tch by the way, I'm just trying to make you see the light before it is too late x x


Best wishes x x x x

re husband keeps looking at porn...should i leave???"

Hi, shouldn't your hubby think more about YOU, he seems selfish babe- especially when u were pregnant, as your are more sensitive then normally (well i am), shouldnt he think about how things make you feel, if something really hurt him im sure you would stop.
Do you think you can harden up a bit, be with him but distance yourself a bit, unless you are a strong woman then if it really effects you ~leave, but you need to think how it will affect the children too, You could be a single mum, but wouldnt be easy.
Im in the same position too, he does it in secret, like if im out, then lies to my face, he also gets messages from sites on his mobile, really affects me, makes me feel very down, but you know what, what is good for him, is better for me, find some great friends, or a new man, in secret, see what happens, your hubby needs to respect you, Im here if you want a new mate. ps work on making yourself happy, no more surgery, so when the time comes you are more confident and strong x

Been there done that!

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I lived over half of my life with a man who was a "good guy" with porn addictions. I found out when I was pregnant with me second daughter. Reading your story sounded like an encore of my marriage.

No matter what YOU do, he will not change. This is truly an addiction. My ex-husband and I went to counseling on and off thorough out our marriage (almost 25 years), only for me to learn he was the most charming liar I have ever met! Even our counselor admitted that he was lying to himself and us! There was no intimacy in our life because of this. Like you, my self esteem was at a low.

IT IS NOT YOU!!! You are not the problem, HE IS!!!!. You need to get healthy and healed emotionally for yourself and your children. I only speak this because I have lived it over half my life!

My Ex does not even have a relationship with our daughter. He is destroying her, but thank GOD I left (although the children were grown).

I would be happy to share more with you. Life is short. You and your children deserve to be healthy and normal. NO ADDICTION IS OK!!! Do not let anybody try to put the blame on you!!!!!

After 25 years of being together we ARE DIVORCED! I TRIED SO HARD!!!! I do not even know who he is, but did I really ever know him?

My advice take the babies and create a life for you and your children.

Get some GOOD counseling (I say that because there a some NOT good counselors) and a support system, family friends etc.

Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. It helps my healing process if I can help someone. Let me know how things are going if you would like.

Take care! You will get through it!!!

As you said

hes a good father and a great husband, I wouldnt be so quick to get away from that, taking 2 kids who need their daddy away from him. BUT this is a serious problem. Porn is an addiction, Im not saying that lightly like everything is an addiction these days, but it is something thats so hard to get away from. However, fantasy is fantasy, so it doesnt neccessarily mean hes cheated.

The problem is, you have self esteem issues as you said, and this is something thats hard for your OH to understand, he no doubt loves you and think you look amazing, but no matter what he told you it didnt matter, so maybe he started to feel helpless and meaningless to you, and so used this as an escape at first. Im not blaming you because the problem is now, hes making it much much worse by not respecting your wishes at all and continually viewing these sites. Simply, it needs to stop. and it needs to stop now. Its ruining your marriage and maybe your husband doesn't appreciate the seriousness of that. Maybe he needs a shock to make him realise that its either you, a loving wife and mother to his children, or these fantasy women who give nothing in return.

Believe me I can understand where youre coming from, I recently had a baby and im suffering from depression myself. Its not easy. I also think its incredibly difficult for men to understand fully. It can only work if you both get help for the problems you have, when you start to feel good about yourselves, the marriage will improve. This is something I need to work on myself and I know its so hard. especially when your brain feels so overloaded that it might explode.

Dont forget, feeling how you do and also being pregnant must be so hard, all these emotions and hormones raging. Dont let them get in the way, but do demand your husband stops what hes doing and supports his wife as he should. If this is too hard for him then yes, maybe being on your own is the best thing.

Thank so much for the reply........

I really do think it has come to a point where I've either got to accept that this is apart of his life or walk away as it seems nothing will stop him from doing it. I agree I do think that he is addicted on some level.
I dont think it would be as bad if he said he was sorry and actually tried to make up for it but he doesnt he says that its my fault . He even had the cheek to say to me yesterday that he doesnt know if he can be married to someone who is checking up on him all the time. Other times he has even told me its because I'm no longer attractive to him anymore and it just devistates me to a point where I'm looking at myself thinking I must be disgusting and I'm trying to change myself for him. I cant do this anymore its making me ill, i've gone as far as losing 2 and half stone (and I was at my ideal weight in the first place) and even had a boob job to try and live up2 his ideal and its still not good enough, he still needs these other women.
We had a conversation about it a few weeks ago where I said I could no longer bare it and would leave if it carried on, he told me to put the child block on so that he could no longer visit these sites and I thought that that would be it and he really meant it this time but obviously not as hes just trying to work out ways to get round it. And to be honest its just made it worse as I can see EVERYTHING that hes tried to look at and it just makes me feel sick and look at him in a different light. I have told him that I have seen these sites that he has tried looking at and he just went mental saying I must have spy ware of some sort on the computer the idiot doesnt realise that the computer will flag up any blocked site that a child has been trying to look at on the parental control log! i havent got mad this time, I havent shouted , I havent cried. He hasnt said sorry and hasnt mentioned it since. But I think I will in the next few days tell him that I plan to leave him and see what the reaction is we'll soon see what the marriage means to him and I think the difference is this time I actually mean it whole heartedly, I've had enough!

Thats terrible

I also have an OH who does no wrong and anything wrong he does is my fault. Living with Perfection itself is impossible!

Now youve said that, then absolutely you need to go. I dont really advocate breaking up a family, especially in your condition, its hard enough being pregnant (although men seem to think carrying around and sustaining an extra life is just a breeze!) without the additional stress. But being in the house with the lack of trust, the tension and the lies and ill feeling is just as negative for your kids and you. I know people view pornography as harmless fun, and sure it can be if you have the right frame of mind. But for others like with anything, once you get sucked in you just go deeper and deeper. If he cant stop for you, then you need to go. You already have self esteem issues, and he is absolutely not helping them by telling you something like that. You deserve to be with someone who values you for you, looks personality and all, and if he cant do that then he doesnt care.

The fact you are displaying no emotion means in some ways, youve come to terms with what you have to do, he needs a shock and maybe this is the boost he needs. If he just uses his loneliness as justification to continue his behaviour, youre better off out of it. you know they say you need to reach rock bottom before you can climb back out again, so him being alone might just get him there. Mean while you can get back to appreciating that you are a great person, youre by no means disgusting, and feel better about yourself. Dont let him dictate that please, either find someone who loves you for you, or take time to yourself to remember just how amazing you were before him and are right now. Its his loss, hes seriously in danger of losing a loving with and 2 beautiful kids, and would have given him more than any naked digital woman could.