Dilemma

Help! I am facing up to something of a dilemma. Having recently become single after splitting from my wife, I found myself in a relationship with another woman which was at first only meant to be a bit of fun but has now become quite involved.
She helped me forget my wife and made me feel a lot better about myself, the only problem is I have fallen totally in love with her despite being less than perfect for me in many ways. I don't mean this in a bad way, we get on great, have an amazing adventurous sex life and really click. The problems I face are she is an ex drug user, (was into speed big time) smokes like a trooper, suffers with severe depression which is controlled by any number of pills, lives on a diet of junk food and is scatty as hell. On top of that she has 2 kids (one which was taken away from her due to her depression and scattyness) and is on benefits. Don't get me wrong, she is a lovely intelligent and sexy woman and I love her to bits but I just can't see it working in the long run though I really wish her circumstances were different as I'm really into her.

I am only 33 years of age, have no kids, don't smoke or touch any drugs, I eat well and exercise regularly and hold down an excellent job, she is a couple of years older. I keep telling myself I can do better and do want to re-marry and have kids of my own eventually and I just don't know what to do!? I have been reluctantly chatting to a woman who sounds perfect in everyway on an on-line dating website but I don't think I can leave my current girlfriend though all my friends and family tell me I should do the right thing and leave her so as I can have a better, and higher quality of life. I don't know what to do for the best, I am really beating myself up over this, any ideas?

Laurence.

Follow your bliss....

Laurence you sound lovely. You can't change people, you can only love them for what they are and what they are to you. Once a drug user doesn't mean always a drug user and maybe she really needs a stable life to help through her this difficult time. I'm not saying you should be her carer in any way, relationships have to be more equal than that but if you think she's the one and you're in love then explain your concerns and see if you can see a way to help. Maybe she needs counselling or different medical assistance to help with the depression? Perhaps she could give up the smoking with the right support and what's to stop you helping with the diet side of things. Start cooking, you may find the Jamie Oliver in yourself!

If, however, you feel you're becoming a prop rather than a real and honest part of her life then, no matter how painful, it's time to move on. I've got issues going on myself at the moment of a relationship nature and I think there's only so long you give things and then you have to let your self respect kick in and move away. No matter how painful. You can't let another person's problems stop you from living your own life.

And live your life you must, to the best of your ability - we only have one and it's precious. Follow your bliss.
Tx

Thanks for your replies so far

I think I do have to let nature take its course and just see the relationship out to its conclusion whether that may be sooner or later.
I do see some similarities between this relationship and that of my ex in that she had problems too (of a different kind), she was emotional and insecure after being with a violent ex for 7 years. We ended up buying a house together and I payed for nearly everything and she contributed very little as she used to comfort spend in a big way mounting up huge debts. She instigated the wedding and I gave in cos I wanted her to be happy, but not long before she changed as a person and become more confident and outgoing, we went ahead with the wedding but then she ended the marriage after just 3 months and was a changed person, all confident, cocky, she looked great, better than I had ever known, she was a changed person and I reckon it was down to me, I had built her confidence up and when she 'found herself' again, didn't want me anymore

I think I'm attracted to needy women and think they are drawn to me because Im a caring kinda guy. I actualy went out on a date last night with this 'perfect woman' who I'd been chattting to online, however I felt she was too similar to my what my ex was like when i first met her in personality, and didn't do a lot for me though she was indeed perfect in every other way, I think I'm gonna hang onto my less that perfect woman as at this moment in time she moves mountains for me.

Hmmmm

hey,

gotta be honest, sounds like a rebound relationship , im sure youre telling yourself it isnt (as i did)

if it is a rebound then it will probably end naturally soon enough so just go with the flow for the time being,

if it is something more then you will learn to deal with your differences in time, (sorry but cant predict the future for you)!!!

are you telling yourself that you can do better or are your friends and family telling you , you can do better?

also, is anyone really better then the next person, or just different?

whatevers gonna happen will happen so just do what u think is right and see where it takes you,

good luck laurence