Advice about my affair

Hi All,

Im in need of some advice... I started an affair just over a year ago.. as time went on we got on better and better and decided to go into business together. We have such a laugh together and our lives cross in so many ways. Our families (both married with children) see each other and spend time together however we have this underlying secret that is always there.

Our friends started to suspect and although they are right we just defended and denied and it always gets laughed off as if its a big joke. We have the perfect cover with work and our trips "away" that we wont ever be suspected but I've got to the point i actually feel like i cant stop this now.

I love my family dearly but i have crossed the thought of thinking business and pleasure can go together when the clearly cant. Deep down without ever saying it to my other man I just dont know what i'd do without him now. I have fallen in love but know it can never be anything more that a bit of fun and of course a working relationship.

how do i go about dealing with my emotions?

Could be your conscience maybe ?

Hi,
I think the relationship has obviously developed and so too has your awareness of what is actually happening.
It's a bit like being on a see-saw. At the start you're all at one extreme of being loved up and it being exciting but as time goes on you end up moving to the middle where you see both sides more easily.
You realise how much he means to you but you are aware of the situation that cannot be changed at this stage.
So I think that because you can't change the situation you probably need to change the way you think which should help your emotions.
You may need to really seriously talk to yourself about accepting more fully the situation you are in. Some aspects are not going to change so if you can learn to accept them you should begin to feel better emotionally.
Alternatively you could start doing things on your own to give yourself some space and time to think things through.

Reality check

Hi,

Although I don't personally agree with affairs or understand why they happen all together, I am going to give you my honest and unbiased opinion.
The main thing to focus on is the people around you in terms of minimising pain, hurt and confusion; first steps would be to tell your husband that it is over, don't mention the affair as it will cause too much hurt and anger. Move out and get your own place, become independent again and it will broaden your thoughts and feelings in terms of this whole situation. Six months down the line, confront your lover in terms of where this is going - you might not like the answer you get as I suspect you are being used as a "bit of stuff on the side" however, you can choose what you will do with this information; continue the affair, fine with the fact it isn't going to go anywhere or move on. At least YOUR conscience will be clear.
I also suspect you're in the middle of the ' honeymoon period' of your affair, unfortunately affairs are just that, AFFAIRS, they are a fantasy, and fantasies don't last for ever.
Once again, I don't agree with your situation on a moral level, however, my concern lies with your loved ones, you owe it to them to be straight with them in terms of where they stand; tell your husband its over, separate from him legally, move out and begin divorce proceedings. If you respect your husband on any level, you will do this for him and you are going to have to lie, when he asks if there is someone else, because you don't want to destroy two families at the end of the day. Move on from your marriage and let your husband do the same THEN tell your lover how you feel. Be warned, the truth isn't always want you want to hear. However, It is time you woke up and had a large dose of reality or you'll continue on this path, unbeknown where it may take you and you might not like the end result. Good luck.