Please, i need help to know if i can get back with my ex-boyfriend. im really confused!!

First, thanks for reading the following. Have never written in a forum like this but Im just so confused about everything that Id really appreciate some outsiders insight.

Heres the deal. Ill try to keep it as short as possible. I started dating my ex 4 months ago but everything got pretty serious really fast. He was the perfect gentleman, sweet, attentive and affectionate. After a short while, he told me he liked me so much and that he really wanted me to be his girlfriend, first I was a bit hesitant since I did not feel ready for a relationship but he ended up winning my heart so I accepted.
The thing is that the last month and a half in our relationship, we started having A LOT of arguments, even about the most stupid things, and this was because we were both having a rough period in our personal lifes. I also have to accept that because of the emotional situation I was at the moment.. I did created a lot of unnecessary arguments about eveything ad broke up with him several times only to get back together after a few days or even hours!
Anyway, just about a month ago, we had a "situation". I was putting pressure on him about supporting me while I was going through a personal thing, and he said he would be there for me but that it felt that he couldnt be there for me as much as he wanted because he also had a lot of things he needed to sort out. So I said that if he couldnt be with me as my boyfriend and give me the kind of support I needed then I didnt see so much point in being with him. It clearly showed in him that he didnt want to break up, so he suggested we took just a break, to which I responded a radical no. I said " I respect whatever your decision is but no break, this is it". He didnt reply anything, and when I left, he just kissed me on the cheek and said "lets talk later".
He called me the day after to see how I was doing and to let me know that regardless of what we talked, he was still gonna call me to see how I was, but I said " do whatever you feel like, but dont get it wrong, this is not like other times, this time is over", I could tell he got upset by my answer, and then I just said take care and good luck.
For 2 weeks we didnt speak to eachother, but in that time I started to realize how much I missed him... but still I was waiting for him to call.
He did, he wanted to see how I was doing, and to suggest we should meet sometime because unless I wanted it that way, he didnt want us to lose contact. Out of impulse, I suggested meeting that same day, and according to me he said yes, but when I called him later that day, he seemed tired and he said we could meet if I wanted but that hed prefer another day... I got really ... and disappointed since I thought we had agreed to meet that day, so I started an argument, and he just said that he was so tired of small things always ending like that, that obviously those 2 weeks without contact hadnt been enough to cool all the arguments off and so on. I felt really hurted since I had almost gotten my hopes up that we would talk that day and patch things up but he just seemed too harsh to me. After that call, I felt so frustrated that I went to his apartment to talk to him. First it was a lot of arguing and yelling, but when things started to calm down, I just asked him why had he changed so much, from adoring me and saying I was the best has happened to him just a month ago, to the way he was at the end. He just answered that he started realizing, specially just then after our phone call that maybe we never really had a "click" because we were figthing almost everyday, so maybe we werent just compatible as a couple. Then I asked him that when did he stop being in love with me and he said that he didnt even know if that stopped, that it was mainly that he got tired of all the arguments, and that that at the end, that won over the feelings. That it was better to be friends. I was really heart broken after this statement, specially since I wasnt expecting it, not from him. Not when just 2 weeks before he told someone at a party that I was the best that had happened to him

.
Anyway, I left his apartment, just saying that I wasnt sure I could just be friends with him. After a couple of days of thinking things through and realizing how much I missed spending time together, I thought I could try to spend time with him as "friends" in the hope of winning him back.. So, I called him and said we could be friends, if we could do something next week and he said yes, that he would call me. He called a couple of days later, asking me what I wanted to do, so I suggested going to the amusement park. We went there, but the whole time it was REALLY just like friends.. he never tried to hold my hand or anything so I just played along. We decided to have a couple of beers after some riding, we were having a very good time, talking a lot and just having fun. Then out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to go over to his place and just rent and watch a movie, that he could skip the last ride. I accepted and we went to his place.. we started watching the movie, but after half and hour I fell asleep since I was a little drunk and was rather surprised/dissapointed that had not tried to do "something" while I was laying next to him in his bed.
I obviously slept over, then the next morning we just said bye, gave eachother a hug, and I told him that it had been fun to meet.
Two days later, after a couple of beers, and hearing one of my friends saying how kind my ex was, and all the nice things he said about me in the last party we were together, I got a bit melancholic so I texted him saying "I miss you." He never replied my message, so I dont know what to think.. Also, a couple of days after that it was my birthday, and he texted me a rather last-minute "Happy 24th birthday.. lots and lots of hugs". I was really hurted by the fact that he didnt reply my sms, so I didnt reply anything.

Now, Im sorry about the LONG background, but I really wanted to give you details so I can get better opinions!
I really miss him so much and I would love to get back with him, but his behavior confuses me a lot, and I dont know if he feels the same.
Why would he invite over to his place to stay over and watch a movie but then not even make a move?
Can you tell me what you think given the facts I gave you? should I just wait and see if he does anything? Should I tell him how I feel and that I would like us to get back together?

Thank you very much!!

Hmmm

I dont agree with the last reply at all...

This guy seemed ok... and by your irational and abrupt threats to "break it off" at every oppertunity and every argument probably left him feeling quite hurt and confused..Its clear he liked you - but almost seems like you wanted him to prove how much all the time? with these "unnecessary arguments"
not meaning to sound harsh - Its just my opinion that as soon as he backs off and doesnt tell you how much he likes you anymore - you suddenly decide you want him again?
I am not saying what he is doing is the right way to go - but maybe he didnt "try anything" with you when you stayed over - because he has respect for you?? and wants to maybe see how you react to normal contact with each other? just a thought....
to be fair If you like this guy I would play it cool... relax and if its meant to be it will be - maybe show him how much fun you can be ...and not this person that craves to be "adored"

Good luck

Sorry, i sent it before i was over

Hi,

Thanks for your reply..
No, you dont sound harsh, because I agree with you.. in a way since he was really in love with me, I guess I took him for granted and that why it was so easy to me to play the "its better to break up " card because I knew for sure he did not want that so he would always call me and get back with me...

Now, this "real" break up and this month apart has made me realize a lot of stuff, how I really was creating so many arguments over little things, and we always "had to talk", that I got angry over stupid things, that I always expected what he "should" do for me if he really loved me instead of compromising and thinking that he was also going through a hard time... but that even still he was never the one to suggest a break up, Im the one that did that!! Only he wasnt so sure he wanted to get back this time..

. I also realized how "cold" I always was, I never called him nice or sweet names, almost never hughed him by my own initiative, I barely told him how good he made me feel or that I was in love with him even though he was always soo affectionate and always told me how he felt about me..

.

Anyway, sometimes I just feel like writing him an email and tell him how I feel and how I see everything, tell him that I really think we are compatible, but it didnt really help us the kind of hard situations we were both going through... things that probably a lot of couples dont ever even go through.. at least not in the first 3 months!. Tell him that I do think we have what it takes to make it better, specially now that we know so much more and when we had time to be appart and reflect upon the relationship and what it went wrong.
Suggest him that maybe it would be a good idea to start a bit slower this time, maybe just start dating again and keep things cool, forget about all the problems for a while. Then I thought I would write at the end of that email that if he felt the same way or maybe even just would like to talk about it, then he could me at "x"place... then at least if he didnt feel the same way, he could just not go and we would avoid confrontation.. but I dont know... I also read so much about never let an ex know that you miss him so much, because it can be counterproductive, that I get my doubts! I do not want by any reason to miss my chances! So, should I instead apply the no contact- Im doing soo fine without you rule?? or should I try to just hang out with him as "friends" as you suggest? even when in my heart all I want is that he holds my hand and kisses me...?
I just would like to figure out for once and for all how am i gonna go about it... I miss him so much, just to spend time with him... we were practically together everyday when we were a couple, so this separation has really taken its toll on me. Not only I lost my boyfriend but also my best friend..!

I did it!

Thanks! Yes, youre very right. I have realized as well that the bottom line is as you say, how terrified I am of being hurt. Somehow it always felt like if I started to be affectionate or demonstrate how I felt for him by being sweet and all that, that would put me in a very vulnerable position..

Anyway.. I did it!! Ive sent him an email this past sunday night. I just wrote a lot of the things I have written in here, that I actually thought this time apart was the best that has happened since it made me realized a lot of things, how I created arguments over stupid things, that I always called him selfish when I never even stopped for a minute to see how selfish and uncompromising I was being myself, how I expected what only he should do for me.

That Ive missed really much, and that Im just fairly certain that there is still something between us, that I really wanted to make it work this time.

I also wrote that y plan wasnt just to get back and pick up where we left, but that Id just really like if just started dating again, take things slow and see how we feel.

But most importantly, I opened myself to him and wrote in a very sweet way ( for being me it took me A LOT, i almost feel embarrased or ridicolous everytime i re-read those lines

) that I wanted to give it another try, that I miss him, his kisses, his hughs, how he sang to me with his guitar, that I know we have what it takes to make it... and that I did loved him. That even when I was never the

Well done

The best thing you could have done in my opinion...I was in a very similar situation 2 u
and I opened up - and my partner said he saw a more loving caring side that he hadnt seen before
I will keep everything crosssed 4 u
Please let us know how it goes and what the outcome is
Dont feel emaressed - feel relieved that you've finally told him your true feelings - he will respect you more - well done xxx

Update

aww... I dont know what to think.. im so confused yet again..

As you know I sent him the email last sunday evening. I wasnt expecting hed check his email inmediatly since he is working a lot these days.. but Im pretty sure he must have checked it by now!
Anyway since I just wanted to make sure, yesterday night (around 11pm) I texted him over the phone saying " I dont know if you have checked your email,but whatever it is Id appreciate a reply". I did this because Id honestly prefer that if he doesnt feel the way I do, hed just say it, even with a simple "no" if you will, rather than no answer at all!
The thing is that right now is 15:30 pm and I havent gotten any reply to my sms from lastnight! I mean, I could understand if he wanted time to answer my initial email... but the sms?? A simple "yes, i have read it, ill answer later" but nothing.

This is a bad sign, isn ... What do you think? I just cant believe if he would be capable of not responding anything, not even my email. But I dont know anymore.

It is time to let go

Hi

It pains me to say this but you guys are over - he just doesn't have the balls to tell you this, I also suspect that he is a hiding a BIG SOMETHING eg. he has slept with someone else possibly or there is some other form of deceit here. It sounds to me like this guy is having his cake and eating all of it. He wants you to hang on and not go anywhere, yet he won't commit or talk you. He is showing you a huge amount of disrespect by doing this, I 100% know and understand that you are hurting right now but the pain will ease IF and WHEN you make the break, but you must before this 'relationship' destroys you. You're giving and he is taking but refusing to give back, in short he is USING you while he can, if you continue to let him then he will continue to do because men are selfish creatures at the end of the day. And the "Happy 24th birthday..lots and lots of hugs.." I say that sh*t to my grandma! not someone I'm inlove with. Move on honey, before he destroys you, you deserve sooo much more than this lame ass off an excuse of a man. The fact that he didn't try anything on while you were in bed is another sign that this is done and dusted in his mind. Move on. You deserve a REAL man not this childish, pathetic excuse for one! I hate being the barer of such bad news but I am just speaking from experience of watching my girlfriends go through the EXACT same repetitive B.S! It is over. End of. Do not continue to degrade your self worth. You are young and beautiful - don't waste another text or minute on him. Good luck x x xx x

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