Help with this guy i havent met but spoke with an have feelings for

hi,i starting talking to this guy online from a chat room we have spoken for 9months now,we text chat on the phone,but we havent met up yet,i dont mind that we havent met yet thats not the problem,the problem is he blows hot and cold with me, and im one min happy with our online relationship and then im looking at my phone waiting for a reply to a text,we get on really well but then i feel like im doing all the putting into us,hes gone on holiday, i text him this morning and yet again no reply, where yesterday he was fine to text me while hes on holiday,i just dont know if im being played here or im just over reacting,thanks for your advice.

Hmmmm

Hiya

This is a bit of a tricky one as how can you really know him when you have never met, he could be married and on holiday with his wife and kids for all you know? Can I ask why you haven't met yet if you have been speaking for 9 months?? That just seems a little strange to me. I understand what you mean by blowing hot and cold as I have the same thing going on but I know the reasons why as we have been in a relationship and he has issues.

I don't want to sound harsh but you seem to be putting in a lot of effort on someone you don't really know. Have you ever suggested meeting up and if so what has been his response?

I'd need to know a little more about this whole situation before I could give anymore advice.

Thank you for replying to me

we havent met because we both dont seem to be ready to, we have spoken alot about it, he wants to then i dont want to its not like we have met or anything and i get scared as i feel if we meet up,he wont want me again, as you see its down to confidence an i dont have much when it comes to men, when i wanted him to he was working nights,i work nights to as a cared for old people, i know he hasnt a wife or kids, he did have a long term relationship an she had 3kids,but he cheated on her they tryed to work it out he was so sorry, but she wouldnt have any of it, so he had to move back in with his parents, we chat all the time day and night, he did show me some vids of a women like porn because he seemed distant to me i just new he was up to know good, he showed me them an said he was being honest with me, i dont feel i can say alot to him,as we havent met its not like we are in a proper relationship, you could be right he could be married and just telling me lies, he doesnt text me much on his days of or at weekend really,maybe you are right! we live two and a half hours away from each other, im just confused, how could i tell if he is lying to me, the other night hes on holiday he spoke to me on the phone his male friend was snorring in the back ground so i dont think hes away with a family,hes back tomorrow, im so confused thanks again

You can't tell...

You won't be able to tell if this person is lying to you, I always know if mine is coz I know him and can see it in his face and he will stutter and stumble - he can't lie to me, but when you are only speaking on the phone you won't be able to tell. I just get a funny feeling about this and smell something fishy. I appreciate that you have confidence issues and that is what is stopping you from meeting this guy but how will you progress with this relationship if you never meet? You need to ask yourself exactly what it is you want out of this situation? I'm sure you guys have exchanged pictures so he knows what you look like so if he is still speaking to you since then of course he is interested. It can only be better in the flesh no?? I think you need to bite the bullet, put on your best outfit and arrange to meet - set a date, stick to it and see what happens but if not you will only continue to go round in circles and trust me, life is far too short for all that!

Hope this helps?

Hi

all i can say is when i was replying to you yesterday i read it back to make sure it made sence ,and when i read it back i thought to myself if i was reading this id say straight away that guy isnt telling her the truth,it sort of opened my eyes to what i was doing to myself, letting some guy treat me like a waste disposal, well ive asked him if he wanted to start a proper relationship more than what we had like obviously meeting up and moving on, i said no pressure just take as much time as you want but i dont feel good in giving all my options up while waiting you to decide what you want to do with me? hes replyed i dont go out with cheaters bye! i explained i wasnt cheating options ment going for a coffee etc .... he just said bye.... so its over, just proves to me he wasnt that into me....what a waste of 9months eh!!!!....?

Omg!!

Well at least you know hun, if he could use just a simple thing like you wording something wrong as an excuse to ditch you then he wasn't worth it in the first place - yes it was a waste of 9 months but we all live and learn and us girlies are strong and can handle these muppets. Try not to be too upset as he is not worth the effort.

Brush yourself off and get back out there but just make sure you don't let anything like this happen again - ie, don't leave it so long before you meet up so you know exactly what is what.

What a knob end - you are better off without, trust me!

Keep me posted on how you get on with any new fellas!

Hi

thanks for your support, i was going to text him to make sure he got home safely from his holiday, to kind for my own good,as he should be home by now, im trying to stay positive but its hard when ive had partly him in my life, i dont want to come over to him as needy as no man wants that, so il leave it i think......il keep you posted on any up dates keep in touch an thanks again for making me see sence