Issues, confused...what to do? friends,9 yr rel, he stil hasn't grown up.a flirt. honest answer pls
hello everyone,
wanted to ask your advice, i'm 26, been with my fella for 9 years. we're good together but 6 years ago, he got really close with my best friend, i encouraged it as i wanted to spend time with the both of them. however, this went back on my face when they would continue to meet up when she was down from uni but i didn't want to meet up. long story short, i got really hurt when they got too familiar and tactile, that at a party people wondered who was his girlfriend. anyway, i said that i felt uncomfortable with the situation and we lost touch with her. fine???
well, 3 years ago, after going to a pub quiz every week, he met some new male friends. they hit it off. they also have some female friends, right loud mouth sluts. after meeting the group, 3 months later, around x mas time, i went to the student bar when he wasn't expecting me and saw him swaying to 'my girl' with one of the girls. he knew i was choked and said he wouldn't do it again even though apparently he wasn't being flirty and would be swaying with any of his mates that was there at the time. i have been so patient but he knows that i am really insecure about the girls of the group. they're all early 20s and students.
i have made it absolutely clear that i don't want him getting familiar and touch/ dancing with the girls which apparently he doesn't. i tend never to go out with them all as i really don't like them. so i go out with my own friends.
at the beginning of it, he'd meet with them 2 times a week. sometimes he'd be playing poker at the student hall til 2 in the morn. otherwise he's drinking with them and playing karaoke. meeting up with them in the day, going to lunch, taking the girls in his flash car(thins happened once then i went biserk!) hasn't happened again, hopefully"!!!!
years on, now 27, after both graduating, buying a home together, he still continues to meet with the same group weekly. he is out until the very end, until after 1 on most occasions. of course drunk most times.
This year, again , i turned up unannounced to see him sitting with all his friends but between 2 girls with his arms around their necks swaying to the music. and again, i turned up and he's talking to this really pretty girl, part of the group. she's been [part of the group for a year now. he plays the whole friendship and familiarity down with this girl, but, the other day one of his friends was chatting her up the whole night only to find that she wasn't interested at all. i heard that he then said; "yeah, she's a big flirt but she's not really interested." what does that mean, how does he kniow????
of course i want my partner to have friends, that would be ridiculous to want otherwise but i thought, hoped he would grow out of the student life. he is not friends with them on facebook but i actually think that is fishy.
it's clear that i don't want anything to do with the group and, again, i think it's odd, that if they were genuine friends of his, they wouldn't be concerned or want to approach me. he said he has none of his other closer mates are about as they've moved away. that's why he meets with them all the time
please tell me honestly and truthfully. my family and friends are too biasd. many thanks in advance for helping me, this will be priceless
i know i sound really moany but i really need to make decisions now, we've been together for nearly 9years, engaged for ages but i really don't know if he's right for me. too many question marks. I seem to be wasting my 20s and still insecure, I want to be happy but have a real doubt. He always wants to be with me but it is a guarantee that he'll be out a set night once a week with them
he's wonderful one to one. Not really interested in m y family who I care deeply for. Lots of conditions. Will only come over to my mums' house if particularly invited for special occasion. I know there are a lot of issues but please see how you can guide me. I feel like i've exhausted it in my head, don't really know what to think.
I play along about he idea of getting married but for as long as he's meeting up with them I don't feel right.
Thanks a lot
| 
