I slept with my friends ex, how do i tell her?

Last weekend I ended up in bed with one of my close friends ex boyfriends. They had split up the week before & he was quite upset about it. We were both drunk, me quite a bit more than him.

To make things worse my two best friends know about it aswell & they have been friends with her far longer than i have & have found themselves lying for me. I feel terrible about the whole situation, it was an awful thing to do & I really regret it. I feel I should tell her the truth but I'm worried that she will be upset with our other two friends for not telling her & I don't want everyone falling out because of what I did.

If I don't tell her then I don't think I could ever face her again & she will know something is wrong anyway. I can't even say that my best friend didn't know because she lives with me & he had come back to the house with us. She has already lied to our friend & said that it was just the two of us back at mine & that I hadn't pulled that night.

I know what I did was wrong & I'm pretty much hating myself right now. I know I have to do the right thing & tell her but I just don't know how to come clean without causing problems for everyone else.

Think about it

You said that she had broken up with him and he was upset, and that the two of you were very drunk when you slept together. However, that's no excuse for what happened. I have been drunk to the point where I associate people with the colour of their clothing and I have never slept with anyone recklessly, let alone even consider one of my close friend's exes.

I know you'll think I'm being a massive b*tch for asking this, but don't you think a part of you knew it was wrong before you got with him? Or were you only thinking of him? Even more so, why were you with your friend's EX-BOYFRIEND rather than your friend when their relationship ended?

I don't think it's very fair for you to tell her about what you've done, especially so soon after they got together. Imagine how hurt she would be, and if you truly cared about her you'd do whatever you could to save her from that much heartbreak. Not only that, she would never fully trust you again or your friends because they hid this from her. No matter what you think, she will find out they knew. It would only be a matter of time and she'll be afraid to trust anyone again because not only has one of her friends slept with her ex, the other two helped the aforementioned friend to keep it secret.

My best advice is to just deal with it for now and give her time to heal before you suddenly decide you should tell her. Good luck.

I wouldn't tell her...

Yes, what you did was wrong and you regret it.

However, if you tell her, she'll have lost a friend as well as a relationship, because she WILL break off your friendship. How would you feel if your best friend jumped into bed with your ex so soon after the end of your relationship?!

Do you really need to hurt her more just so you can absolve yourself of your guilt? Learn to live with it, promise yourself and your two friends that have covered for you that you'll never be so thoughtless and selfish ever again.

Your punishment for your actions is living with the guilt of what you did.

How to tell her.

Ok firstly, although I don't agree with your actions, we are all human and make mistakes. The fact that you know what you did was wrong and are feeling bad about it is actually a good thing - it demonstrates that you understand that your friendship with this woman means more to you than this guy.
I do recommend telling her what happened, however, DO NOT tell her that your joint friends knew and lied for you on your behalf, as this will only make her distrust all of you and most likely result in her cutting all contact with all of you, which is understandable.
Tell these friends in advance that you are going to tell her, but that you won't implicate them in any way, and that you feel it is best that she doesn't know that everyone was involved in lying to her about the situation, otherwise, she will feel humiliated that she didn't know what was going on.
I would suggest that you give her a call and arrange a meeting somewhere private; I'd also recommend taking a couple of bottles of wine as a peace offering. The key is to be completely genuine, apologise and tell her that you've done something that you are not proud of and have been trying to tell her what happened because you hate betraying her etc. Please be prepared for her anger, hurt and rage. She will most likely be very upset and verbally abusive towards you, accept this, as she is just expressing her hurt to you the best way she can. Be prepared that she may not want to be in contact with you for several days/weeks as you did betray her.
You sound like you care for her deeply, but it will take some time to heal this painful wound, be patient, understand the pain she is enduring and just wait until she is ready to forgive you. x x