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Wife sleeps in the other room

 

Can any of you ladies please help me? For the last several years my wife has been sleeping in another room. Our sex life has been nonexistent for the last 2 years now. It all started when the kids were born and she never wanted to leave them at night. The problem is, they are in their teens now! I keep asking her WHY and she just avoids the subject or just says she "needs to be with them at night". There is no hanky-panky going on, just a very strange obsession she has with never wanting to leave them alone. I'm strongly considering divorce, but it is not easy for me emotionally. Advice, please?

Doug


 

Re:

Hi Doug,

I can understand ur situation. You have to make her understand. try to bring up romance in your relationship again. it might help.

 

Eviction

give her the flick you can do better and you dont need that ... in your life hey

 

When was the last time you two had a ...(don't know what happened there...veeeeery strange)

When was the last time you two had a ...

(don't know what happened there...veeeeery strange)

When was the last time you two had a "parents evening" ? a night away from the kids. Or maybe a weekend.

You say the children are in their teens....so I'm sure they are able, and probably more than willing, to spend a night without their parents. Give them a number to phone just in case. But prefrably NOT yours. *g* (grandparents, friends, neighbours etc.)

Explain to your wife, that she;s not donig the kids a favour. She's smothering them. Or she's using them to protect herself, from something she can't handle. Either way, thats not going to be very good for their development.

Have you tried coaxing her back into your bedroom, by promising her a good nights sleep, without having to be worries, that you might "come on" to her? If you haven't then, try it..... and keep that promise under any and all circumstances. Let her build up her trust in you.

Whatever the reason for her fleeing to the kids romms at night, it doesn't sound as if its going to be easy. for either of you. I don't think your wife is trying to hurt you, but I do think that she has one hell of a problem. Divorce is not going to solve it, for her.

I'll give the subject a little thought and might even come up with something useful for you

Whatever.... take care and I hope things work out for you

Twilight

 

Care so much care...

Well that is really a so sad history.

I have one friend with the same situation that you. 3 children and the whife if have some relation with him, at the end run to the room of the childrens whit some story, when between the whife and husband there is not sexual life, there is no so much, because is the diference betwen you and your friend in the work example, have conversation, go to drink a coffe and not sex, but with the whife is that, is like this.

You dont say if is t like this from the star of the marriage, if was only when the children born, etc etc, why? this acttitude is for a reason, and for any reason is really not good.

ask your self...
How you was making her feel in the bed?
Was you giving her the she wanted?
How is the comunication between you.
when the relation it touches that level, I say that the days are counted.
So try with a professional if both dont want to lose the family, because is the risk that the two are running.

Good Look!

 

Follow up to the reply

by:niceface

The English in that last reply was broken and could not make out a lot of it. But in answer to it, my wife has no interest in sex and told me she never will have interest in it. Period. But I am just the opposite of that. Any replies to this??

 

More

by:niceface

Not to boast here, but I am a very athletic, attractive man, so that is not the issue either. (I'll send my pic out to anyone who is curious.)

 

"parents evening" ?!?

by:twilightsky

Hi Doug!

weeell....

I don't think your wife finds you inattractive, but maybe she doesn't like herself too much (?)

Often, after giving birth, women loose interest in sex. Now men have made up all kinds of stories and have come up with some really wierd theories as to why this happens. *bg*

I can assure you, it is NOT (usually) because women start to feel sexually contented when they breastfeed or any of that nonsense. I should know, I have three kids that I all breastfed for over a year each. But what I can tell you, is that after becoming a mother I felt drained. Physically as well as psychologically.
I've been told that most men can sleep with their wives and kind of blend out any other thoughts. Most women don't have that capability. They would really like to enjoy having a good nights .... or even just tha odd hour or so... maybe even just a few minutes... so they start getting aroused etc....and then one of the kids starts to cry, or the phone rings... or they start thinking about the topics of the next PTA evening in the kids school...whatever. Get my meaning?

When was the last time you two had a

 

Reply to twilightsky

by:niceface

Twilightsky:

I have 3 kids, ages 15, 17 and 20. They are not little anymore. We have slept in separate rooms for almost 10 years now, with no change really in sight.

 

Well, they're not exactly newly born, are they?!?

by:twilightsky

Nope, they definately aren't little anymore. And if she's (only) been sleeping in the other room for the last ten years, then it doesn't seem to have to do with their births.
Did one of them maybe get really ill? Or did something happen to your wife? Or maybe to you? What changed at that point in her life? Can she tell you?

Have your thought about marriage guidance? It can help you know. ( I did that for a year with my husband, and it was a really good time in our relationship) It is possible to go there by yourself, if she says she doesn't want to go, at least at first. Have you yet tried telling her, that she's not doing your kids any good at all?

Have you ever suggested, that she may need professional help? Quite honestly, I think THAT may be the one thing that could help. Please don't misunderstand me, I do not think, that if a woman doesn't want to sleep with her husband, that she always needs to see a doctor, but after what you've written here, I think she may be in desperate need of help. (which she probably doesn't even consciously know herself) If you do suggest this, then do so veeeeeery carefully. Needless to say really, because if you were the kind that wasn't sensitive, then you wouldn't search here for help

Like I said before...whatever you do, do not put too much pressure on, because you'll scare her away.

I hope you'll get things sorted out

thinking of you both
Twilight

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