Should i stick with this?

Hi, I'm in a little dilemma and would like some advice. I recently started dating a man two months ago. I've known him 18 months although not very well as he is a friend of a friend. I also know his ex-girlfriend with whom he lives with. Their relationship is dead as they've both said but neither have entered into another relationship for around ten years. But, she's been away for over two months and that's how we got together we have fallen for each other and he's told her he's met someone else but she wants him back. He's adamant that they will remain friends but she's obsessive/jealous. Phoing him continously and wanting to know where he is. However, i've since found out that they share the same room, different beds, she still walks around naked, in the past she's fallen out with his mother and brother. I think this is the tip of the iceberg so I've finished it but he's saying that he will resolve this situation. Has anyone been involved in a similiar situation at either level?

Distance yourself!

Hello there newtothis!

Wow, that's a messy one. I have not been in something totally the same but I did date a guy who for finanacial reasons was stuck in the same houseshare as his ex. Technically it was over - he had moved on; she hadn't. When he brought me back to the house for the first time, she was waiting on the stairs and had a huge fight with him. I packed off home! If we turned up in the same pub as her, one of her mates would come and ask if we could go elsewhere!
Needless to say, I found this pretty irritating. We broke up for other reasons but I found out that a year later, they'd got back together.

There are some relationships that straggle on and never properly end, like a virus that stays in the system. But it's still pretty unusual for a couple to split, then still llive together and not date anyone else for TEN years! And share a room! They haven't given each other any breathing space whatsoever to find new love with other people - what you need to know is why? Is it really over with them? It's definitely not for her but whatever she feels, it seems she is being a classic dog in a manger. And he has, on some level, accepted this possessiveness.

You are right to end it - I don't see what else you can do, except tell him that you will see him again on the condition that he changes his living situation and makes himself fully available - physically and emotionally!

I really wish you luck!

Newtothis

Thanks Seapink,

I agree with you that I've done the right thing. When I did question him on his relationship with his ex. He said they were soulmates, 'partners in crime' but just not destined to be a couple. She's not worked for over 3 years and, at 29, supported by him and her mother. She also doesn't eat unless he cooks for her. He has mentioned to a mutual friend that he needs to get out of his situation but just can't. I've told him any woman who has any self-worth would not go near this situation. At 33, I wonder what will happen? He has a degree but yet earns around £15,000 a year working in a job centre where he has been for 4 years in the same position(not that there is anything wrong with is line of work) but wants to be a journalist and work overseas or start his own business.
It's hard when you own your flat, have a good job and see someone wasting their life. What happened to your ex after he got back together with his girlfriend.

No-win situation!

Hiya

In answer to your question, I'm not really sure about my ex, I think they are still living together but whether he is happy or not is another matter. It's amazing how many people settle for a relationship that's not the one they dream of, just to beat being alone.

This ex-girlfriend of your man sounds nightmarish - what is wrong with her that she can't work? Where is her sense of dignity? Your (ex?) boyfriend sounds as though he is avoiding dealing with this situation in the same way that he is avoiding making any changes for the better in his own life - he seems to be going along with things on every front; perhaps he is locked into thinking it's easier to stay as he is.

Or perhaps he is happy enough in the job that he's in? It sounds as though you are more than a little frustrated with him though, so all round this be so draining for you in the long run. Keep your distance, keep your eyes and heart open to new things, and focus on being happy without him for the time being....good luck x