I think both of your points are valid...50/50. There are always two parts to a story. Now, on the one hand, he shouldn't be ignoring her phone calls and text messages; but on the other, she needs to calm down, take a couple of days for herself and analyze the situation at hand rather than getting more worried about things, causing herself to call and text him more.

As far as work goes...truck drivers have the crap part of working...long, long, LONG hours; crap pay; and days on end away from home. Most employers don't allow people to take time off for anniversaries, birthdays, and whatnot. That's why you plan ahead. As soon as you see an opportunity around the said celebration, make plans for the days off during the allotted times.

Sikmama - All relationships are give and take, and I think that If You are in love with him, truly in love with him, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to work things out. However, take time to think "Am I in love with him for HIM, or am I in love with him because he's there?"

I might be only 20 years old, but I've seen my mother go through so much, that as a daughter, I know your kids will either resent you for giving up, or love you even more for trying. In the end, it's all up to you, are you IN LOVE, or do you just love the idea of what he can be?

Ok a little bit about myself and my family, I have 2 kids, 9 (dd) and 4(ds). I have my daughter 50% of the time because of my ex- husband, and my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and is the only dad that my son has ever known. His sperm donor won't have anything to do with him, he won't even acknowledge him as his son.

anyways a little history on my issue, My boyfriend drives truck locally halling crops and he works 15 on and 15 hours off. Or at least that is what the schedule is supposed to be, but my boyfriend ends up working up to 24 hours at a time and then has to be in the truck 15 hours later. Keep in mind it is an hour drive from our home to the place where he gets the company car and then at least another hour to get to the field that the truck is sitting in. This has been a big issue for us because I want him to find another job that actually pays him what he is worth. He is only making $9 an hour when all other companies that do the same thing start their drivers out at at least $12-15 an hour. This is also his second season working for the same company and he ended the last season making $12 an hour!!! He says that he likes his job and that is why he stays with the company, but I think his boss is taking advantage of him. His boss had him work a 20 hour day and then drive to omaha, Nebraska from MN to get a truck and drive it back!!! this was after him getting called in on a night that he was supposed to have off for my future BIL's deployment party because he is now in Kosovo!! We had gone out to dinner and then his relief driver called and told him that he needs to be back in the truck by 9 am the next morning when he wasn't supposed to be in the truck till 2 days later.

my current issue is this, I ended up having to go into the dentist on tuesday to get a tooth pulled and because of my acid reflux and anxiety they have to put me to sleep while doing this, Well you aren't supposed to be alone for 24 hours after that to make sure you don't end up with bad reactions to the medicine. I called my boyfriend a couple of hours before I went in and told him what was going on and told hom that I needed to know what time he was going to be home, so I could have other people sit with me till he got home. Well, he didn't get home till last night after fixing his car at his dad's house ( my car is dead in the drive- way). I spent all night trying to get a hold of him. he said that he was sleeping when I first tried, about 8:30PM tuesday and by the time he woke up he figured I would be already be sleeping. He gets to sleep in his truck while they wait to get loaded. He didnt return any of msgs till 1PM yesterday afternoon!! and that was just to tell me to shut up because he was working on his car!!! hey, at least he finally let me know where he was at, but when you try to get a hold of someone for over 12 hours and they are supposed to always answer their phones while in the truck in case boss calls, I was beyond pissed. When he came home, he shaved, took a shower, gave me 1 kiss, yes, only 1 kiss! never asked how I was feeling and then left for work!! Our 2 year anniverary is this weekend and I don't know if he is going to be getting it off. he said that his boss told him that he would see. His boss fucked up our anniversary last year too!!! Well, He answered one of my phone calls today, just to tell me he is at work still, he would have gotten to work at 11PM last night, I talked to him about 4:30 this afternoon. He ended up hanging up on me when I asked him why he didnt call to tell our son good night, now he won't answer my calls or my texts except for the one asking him if he is coming home tonight and got a big fat NO!!!!!!!! I want to scream and yell and throw something, but I can't and I can't go anywhere because my car is broke down!!! I am trying to deep breath, but that isnt working,I just don't know what to do anymore!!!!!

He hates being confronted and when he is, he will just walk out the door and not come home for a week or two!! I know, he needs to grow up, but I do love him and want to be with him, but I want my boyfriend back, the one who used to take the time to make me feel good about myself, took me out and we did family things together, but he just says that I am being pariniod and clingy!!! How do I get him to understand that all he is doing is putting me in a state of depression with out making him feel like I am attacking him??
Any advise would be helpful and appreciated!!
Thank you in advance!!

I think both of your points are valid...50/50. There are always two parts to a story. Now, on the one hand, he shouldn't be ignoring her phone calls and text messages; but on the other, she needs to calm down, take a couple of days for herself and analyze the situation at hand rather than getting more worried about things, causing herself to call and text him more.

As far as work goes...truck drivers have the crap part of working...long, long, LONG hours; crap pay; and days on end away from home. Most employers don't allow people to take time off for anniversaries, birthdays, and whatnot. That's why you plan ahead. As soon as you see an opportunity around the said celebration, make plans for the days off during the allotted times.

Sikmama - All relationships are give and take, and I think that If You are in love with him, truly in love with him, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to work things out. However, take time to think "Am I in love with him for HIM, or am I in love with him because he's there?"

I might be only 20 years old, but I've seen my mother go through so much, that as a daughter, I know your kids will either resent you for giving up, or love you even more for trying. In the end, it's all up to you, are you IN LOVE, or do you just love the idea of what he can be?

you may not want to hear this ...but its said with love.
What do you do for a job, life, money?
I think you should accept this life ...or make a change. Get independant,get your own money, stop relying on him to be happy and stop trying to change him by criticising his choices.He chooses to do what his boss says, he is not being abused, used, he loves this life..apart from you whining wineing and whimpering.not attractive... It will lead to disaster - if it hasn't already....I think you are a truck stop...and you have accepted it until recently..you knew what he did fr a living ...so you will have to put up with this life..or have things BOTH WAYS FOR YOU TOO! Get yourself a life hunny. a job, a social life and maybe a man you deserve will come along too. If not , when and if he turns-up that'll be a bonus, or maybe with your new life...an inconveneience and the truck-stop won't always be available?
h

Mumzie - I think this advice is overly harsh. Telling this poster to "get a life" and basically implying that the problems are her fault are both inaccurate and unhelpful.
<i>"he is not being abused, used"</i>
Actually from what was described his boss is being unreasonable and is without doubt exploiting him.
<i>"he loves this life"</i>
Where did you get that from? He follows what his boss tells him because otherwise he'll probably get sacked. It's up to him to possibly try to contact/network with colleagues to win back some decent pay and working conditions, but it's not acceptable, whatever his working schedule, to hang up on his woman and ignore her texts and phone calls. That is just disrespectful and she has EVERY right to be upset about this. He may get confrontational when questioned about it but if she keeps quiet he'll get the message that this is acceptable behaviour.
<i>"apart from you whining and whimpering. not attractive."</i>
So the main issue here is whether or not she is still "attractive" to him? How attractive do you think he is to her when he snaps at her and doesn't pay her much attention? I know he is stressed at work but again, taking it out on her is not okay. She has every right to confront him until he gets the message and hopefully changes his tune.

To the original poster - whatever your man is going through he owes it to you to at least be respectful. Hanging up on you is childish and mean, if you can't get through to him by talking, suggest some time apart. Good luck and don't let aggressive or moody behaviour put you off standing up for yourself.

Another thing is, a way of reaching through to him may be to talk about his work problems with him. Encourage him to see that he IS being exploited and that other colleagues are too - perhaps you could suggest that he try to organise a meeting with his fellow workers to plan some sort of tactics for attaining some fairer conditions! Good luck xx


P.s. Mumzie - I know your post was with good intentions. But if I was the original poster I would have felt that you were being overly critical so I thought I'd say why. xx

Thankyou for your comments. I am afraid the truth somtimes hurts, and the tone and empathy of a written posting doesn't shine through..its easy to feel that I am being harsh..you are not the first to get me wrong.
I won't pick though your last message, all I can say is , sometimes we have to put up with things...constantly telling a man who is trying his hardest that he isn't good enough will lose him, he is already running from the confrontation..eventually he will cut his losses if she carries on nagging and criticising him.He will find someone who thinks he IS good enough.
I have found if you plant a seed in his mind and give him time to grow it...he will make a decision and you need to give him the praise as if it was HIS idea.In the meantime she should concentrate on her life and not be so needy, that way she wil not feel so helpless and that her happiness centres entirely on him...as this just adds pressure to them both.
Thankyou for your alternate opinion, after-all thats what friends are for..to offer lots of ideas like a pick and mix...eventually you can find the flavour that is best.
p.s.no offence taken

yeah sorry about that I was in a crappy mood when I posted and was overly critical. your ideas are good.
ah well cheers for not taking offence xx