Husband suffered bad depression, sought comfort in a female friend

hi, need your help as i keep going round in circles. last year my husband tried to commit suicide because of depression. had an awful year and i bent over back wards trying to do everything right for him. i work full time have two children and kept the house going whilst he was signed off from work from february 2008.

my husband however, made a close friendship with a female friend that i know. they had lots of days out so he could 'talk'. he told me he couldn't talk to me as he didn't want to upset me. in december i knew he was going out with her for the day as he had told me. however on that morning i walked passed the said friend and she said nothing to me about going out with him, which i thought was strange. the penny dropped when i thought why would she even think my husband would keep this a secret and then i realised that clearly it must have happened before. i confronted my husband with my suspician and him confirmed that they had been out together to 'talk' before and he had asked her not to tell me incase i got upset.

i believe my husband when he says they never had a sexual relationship and that he thought of her as a sister, but i can't get it out of my head.

he is finally going back to work tomorrow and i'm thinking of going round to the friends house just to clear the air. i want her to know that i am aware of their day trips and see what she has to say.

i do think it was all above board but still feel really betrayed by both of them, what do you think?

thanks

Husband suffered bad depression, sought comfort in a female friend"

maybe she didn't say anything to you because she wasn't sure if you know that he was meeting up with you, and she didn't want you to become suspicious of something that wasn't happening anyway. I think if you are going to go and ask her anything it should be non-confrontational and just let her know that you are aware that she would meet up with your husband and you don't want her to feel uncomfortable around you and that you hank her for being that ear that her husband needed.

I understand both sides

well to be honest i was guilty myself of what your husband is doing. I was in a relationship but also had a close male friend. I spoke to him about my problems and he did the same with me although he also had a girlfriend. This might look strange to some but there was nothing other than friendship between us which we both valued. At the time i had lots of things going on and was really stressed out, i loved my boyfriend to bits and would never have wanted any other man but i felt that my problems were putting a strain on the relationship and felt that i didnt want to spend all my time with him going over what was upsetting me. If i talked to my friend i would feel better after the talk would find it easier to be with my boyfriend and not be so down and depressed.

Some would say i should of been able to talk to my boyfriend about everything and although i in no way kept him in the dark about what was happening at the time i just wanted to be able to enjoy my time with him and enjoy being with him without talking about all the crap that was going on in my life.

Me and my boyfriend have split up now (not because of any of these issues) and i still have my friend and we still talk over a coffee, if there was anything between us we would be together but we are not. He is just a friend who i find it easy to talk to and visa versa. there is no attraction between us but some might find it hard to accept our friendship as we are male and female.

Looking back i would have liked to talk to my boyfriend as i did my friend maybe we would still be together now if we would have but to be honest to answer your question i dont thing anything is going on if he is saying he loves you and still acts like he loves you.

sue x

Dont go in with guns blazing

you will do more damage than good,,, i myself had serve depression you cut all you loved ones out, its hard to explain you dont want to upset them with your crap coz you rearly dont know why you feel like you do but if you are lucky to find someone to unload on it makes you feel a little better, as for sex,,,,,thats the last thing your thinking about trust me i know its hard give him time make sure he is getting the right help and just be there for him , but he has to help his self also theres a great book i came across it might help DEPRESSION by the way out of your prison by dorothy rowe at WHSMITHS hope it helps , its a long road to recovery but with the right support you will get your husband back good luck