An affair - a story from the other side

Hi

I am a man who has been married for more than 20 years. I have two teenage children. 2 years ago I had a torrid affair with a colleague - a divorced woman - for about 3 months until it was found out by my wife. After a painful and tearful discussion over several days, I reassured her that I will stay with her and that our marriage was safe.I said to her that the affair was just a silly fling and there was no emotion involved at all.

I did the decent thing and preserved our marirage, right? I never admitted to my wife that the woman worked with me. So for the last two years, I continued to see the "other woman" as a colleague but did not do anything else except for some discrete flirting in the office (which I felt suitably guilty about on occasions). No clandestine meetings or physical contact at all for the last two years despite constant invitations from her. She said until recently she still had"feelings" for me despite trying out new relationships with others. There were two main ones and both were platonic according to her. I had even encouraged her to find new relationships.

recently she said she had met a new divorced man with whom she had a lot in common. They have obviously a physical relationship and she says she finds him "nice" although he is not that physically attractive.

From the start of the affair I never promised i would leave my wife. Even during it I said a divorce would not be possible. Now that she has found a new person, I feel extremely upset. I have even tried to "test" their new relationship by pestering her to meet up (which I had constantly refused in the last two years) .

Am I being completely unreasonable? Can you understand why I am feeling like this?


Colin
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"an affair - a story from the other side "

You dont deserve your wife,You cause all this pain in your marriage,yet your still playing about.Your meant to be a married man for christ sake,yet you act like a school kid still thinking you can date your classmates.
I think you should spilt up with your wife so she can find a nice man that loves her and wants to grow old with her.You can then go off with this divorced work collegue move in with her etc,then when the novelty wears off she will cheat on you no doubt.You will cry, sit and wonder why the hell you left and hurt your wife in the 1st place.
Tell your wife I feel for her,I offer her a cuddle as your a waste of space

"an affair - a story from the other side "

Have you heard that saying You want to have your cake and eat it too. I think this could apply to you, you haven't been with this women in two years she has obviously moved on with her life and you continued your life with your wife why would you want to stop this women from being happy by testing the water to see if she is really interested in the person she is dating right now. And yes i do feel you are being unreasonable she has moved on, so you need to let her it's not like you are going to leave your wife for her so why not let her be happy.