Broken trust, now i am suspicious again...

Hi Everyone

I have been with my partner for four years (a very complicated relationship). Basically a year ago he lied to me about his whereabouts and I found out he was with someone else (his ex-wife) but there was actually nothing sinister about it he just chose not to tell me. So I lost trust in him

Recently I have had a gut feeling that something is not right so I checked his e-mails. He has been meeting up with his "best mate" (female, his age, never met her) for coffee. When I ask if he has heard from her recently ge says "no, not for ages". He reckons the last time he saw her was a year ago!!!

Today he sent an email sying hope you like the birthday present! (He always puts tonnes of kisses on the emails). WTF!!!

What is going on? I don't know what to do about this? I know she is happily married but his emails always seem so desperate. Please help xx

Be honest with him

Hi,

One of my friends had a similar situation where she found emails and texts between her man and his ex and after much deliberating confronted him about it. He said a similar thing to what your partner has said (ie there was nothing going on and they just kept in touch as friends etc). She was obviously upset and hurt by this and kept checking his email and texts (and still does() and eventually the contact stopped as he could see how much it upset my friend. Therefore if you just ignore this he will carry on thinking that you are happy with things.

I really believe that in these situations honesty is always best - you will have to tell him you've been through his emails but it sounds like you kind of had reason to if he has broken your trust in the past. The advice about pretending to be him and emailing her will just lead to more trouble, hurt and upset - just tell him the truth and tell him how hurtful you find it that he sends this other woman these affectionate emails.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you x x

"broken trust, now i am suspicious again

He is going to know that you have been reading his emails no matter what you do or how you confront him so if you want to get to the bottom of why you are feeling the way you do, then you have to be prepared to admit to him that you have been through his emails and the reason why, even though he might not like it. you have to be honest where he hasn't been.

Broken trust, now i am suspicious again"

what have you decided to do regarding the messages hope everything works out.

Confront him?

You could always confront him about it. Of course, he'll realise you've been going through his emails... so he'll lose all his trust in you too.