Dont know what to do, please help

hi i am really confused at the moment and would like some advice. I have been with my boyf nearly a year now and weve had ups and downs but lately its been really good but hes started acting wierd so i dont know whats going on. Heres the story...bout 2 months ago my boyf started talking to an old girl mate on the internet, sending very flirty messages and saying he was going to move to another country to be with her. Then he broke up with me saying he loved me but didnt know if he wanted me and that he had a job opp in that country. Then he decided to stay here coz he wanted to be with me. Things went good again after that. But then he started going out with his mates every weekend and even though partners were invited he didnt want me to go and said it was just the lads. But then i found photos proving that this was not the case. So i asked him about it and he said the girls were just there at the beginning and he said hes never lied to me. So i gave him the beneft ofthe doubt and since then things have been really good between us, weve had a good date, some good sex, flirting and just been really loved up again etc. however today i found more messages he sent to this girl saying that he cant stop thinking bout her and hes gutted he didnt go. Im so confused becasuse he said he was really happy with me and things have been good and hes telling me he loves me. I dont want to believe this is happening again because we were so happy i thought it was just a one off and it was now in the past. I was trying to think of why hes acting like this and i have no idea, hes been absolutely fine with me. The only things i can think is maybe because its out 1 year anniversary in 2 weeks so maybe hes scared of a serious relationship or maybe hes only using her as a contact to promote his new business in another country or because she has connections at a newspaper. im really really confused. should i believe what hes saying to me or to her? Someone please help me, i really love him and have been really happy so do i just forget about it or what? i dont know how i can talk to him bout it coz he doesnt know ive seen the messages. please help, thanks.

msg

Please dont get too upset. u must feel awful and i want you too take control of this situation so you feel better again xx
The first thing you need to do is too step back and look at the situation secondly dont get too over emotional or show to him that yoeu are too emotional because some males dont know what to do about it which is another issue in its self but we dont need to worry about that. what you u need to think of is your own mental health, not his because its seems that he has control of things right at this momement. You need to be casual around him dont let it show your bothered by him and from then watch his body language and start assessing him at the same time think of taking ownership of the situation. Be casual and try not to be clingy to him. What you are after is the truth and by doing that u cannot be scared of what he might say u must be strong which u must be to come online and write about your problem!! Think stregnth and courage because to me u do sound like you are scared and thats why you are confused, u must face him and remember everything is for a reason and that your feelings are only temporary, it also sounds as if he is confused about his feelings as well and maybe try and see from his point of view.
If you discover that theres nothing to worry about or you sort things out then u should demand that he stops contacting this person or there will be serious consequences do NOT let a male take you for a ride get the truth- again its all about taking ownership of the situation.

I hope that my advice helps please comment if it doesxx

Hi

I have a similar thing going on at the moment, I told him I'd seen the messages and dumped him, he then dated the other girl, but now tells me he wants to get back together, but isn't sure cause I broke his trust by snooping. I wouldn't have snooped if I didn't feel something was wrong, which is probably why you snooped hun. You say you are happy but are you sure? You must have a feeling deep down if you are snooping at his messages. You do need to tell him and talk about it and find out the truth. You need trust in a relationship. If you haven't got that you have a relationship which is doomed to fail. If he is using this other woman, then he needs to tell you, and how far would he take it. He left you before for her then got cold feet. Maybe he doesn't know what or who he wants. But do you really want to be the safe option, do you really want someone that will leave you as soon as someone else shows an interest. You want someone that only wants you and will treat you with respect. Sounds like he wants his cake etc as the saying goes.

You need to ask him

No relationship can survive when you have serious doubts about his feelings for you. I know you don't want to, but I think you need to tell him you've seen these msgs, he may be mad that you have snooped, but you have only done it because he broke your trust in the past.

If he goes mad about it, or still doesn't know what he wants, I would say ditch him, move on, go out with the girls and meet someone who deserves you - good luck