Weird situation!!

Hey, Im 17, 18 this year and I'm a virgin.

I have had a few boyfrends where we have begun sexual activities but i have never allowed myself to have sex with them. I don't know why it has just never felt right.
I was very close with my last boyfriend, I even went on the combined pill (I still am). This was 2 months ago.

I split up with him before christmas, and I know this is long enough time that we should both be over it. The thing is- he isn't over me. And I feel I cant allow myself to be with any other guy until he starts seeing girls again.

Anyway, I met this other guy, and he is amazing. We arent girlfriend and boyfriend- guess thats what made it so exciting as no one else knew about it at all. Well we had been kissing and things. He always makes me sooo horny. And I always feel like i could lose my virginty right then and there with him. Even though we arent in a relationship.

Two nights ago, his hand went down my pants for the first time.. and I went down his boxers - it was in the middle of watching Moulin Rouge during "spectacular Spectaculr" and it was spectacular lol

But- my guilty feelings always come to haunt me. I feel like I am using him, and that I'm going to really hurt him and my ex. The current guy keeps saying he is in the now and he doesnt care- but I know it hurts him. And he is always mentoning all these guys that talk about me and he always looks so hurt.

So I couldn't do it anymore.. Last night I discussed it with him and I decided that we should stop being so physical as I kept saying I couldnt handle another relationship at the moment. But....I still feel very attracted to him. And i still want him to be the one I lose my virginity to.

What do I do? I can't stop thinking about him. But I cant see us having a relationshp. and it would make me seem like a slut if i do.

Sorry... This is like an essay!

Please share some adive???
Thanks
x