What would you do

Okay here is my story, have been with the same man faithfully for 20 years. We have had our share of problems, and two split ups but long ago. We have had for the past couple of years an incredible sex life, have been a little adventourous and had great sex. I am aware that he is I would say addicted to porn sites and talks to other people through these porn sites but have been willing to accept that. However every once in a while I get uneasy feelings and check his history, by the way he has cheated in the past, not to excuse my behaviour but to let you know I have my reason for checking. So two weeks ago I read that when talking to these guys and checking web cams with each other that he may be bi, at least curious about it. Sent me in to a bit of a tail spin but decided not to say anything and to let it drop. Today there is new stuff from the 22nd where he actually is talking to a guy about how he would like to maybe suck someone off. I love him but I didn't sign up for this. What should I do. We have two wonderful boys and for the next 8 months are living out of our own country, this is not something that I am willing to talk to family or friends about so hopefully someone will shed some light on what I should do, I am absolutely not willing to share my husband with anyone else.
Disgusted and confused

Hi questionig

First of all you didn't have to check him, to be so curious because now you have to pay the consecuences. I think he will not tell you about this, but only if he tells you spontaneously I advise you not to mince your 's words. Tell him clearly what you think

Reply to "bi" curious hubby

Hello!! I think I'm a great canidate to answer your question because I've had so much experience with this. I (and also plenty of my female friends) - unfortunately, have known LOTS of guys who consider themselves "straight" but who have oral, anal, and whatever sex with other guys. They think that as long as they don't "kiss" them, they are still straight. I really have never understood this, and those guys didn't really have an explaination. Also, I was in the exact same boat as you with my ex husband.

If you're cool with it, then obviously it's cool. But, he is bi- he really is cause "straight" guys would never even think of brining up oral sex with other dudes. There is nothing you can do to change him and he probably feels obligated to stay with you for many reasons such as 1.) the history you two have together 2.) the stability of your relationship plus 3.) you have children.

I think that if he cheated in the past, he will cheat again and now not only do you have women to compete with, you also have men. Also, he has been "cheating" on you already cause you said you caught him chatting with another dude online? BIG sign there.

Well, I hope this helps. Good luck!

Hey there

Cheating is cheating, no matter what gender the other person has. How would you react if he had done these things with a woman?

I think your husband is what is normally called "down low". It means men who like sex with other men, are perhaps even bisexuals or homosexuals but don't see upon themselves as such and try to hide it from others. For them being with a man is just another way to get off, spicing up their sex life.
Many men on the "down low" are actually committed to a woman also! But get off with men behind the backs of their spouses.

There are several things in this you need to consider. Your husband has cheated before and you have now discovered that he has plans to do so again. You need to think hard about how much more you can take of this. The best way to predict the behavior in the future is to look at the past and even though people can change, it seems obvious that your husband hasn't learned from his previous mistakes.
On top of that he seems unconcerned about your feelings and that you might get hurt - and that you need him and his support a lot these days, because you are moving away from everything you know.

Another aspect I feel a need to address is sexual transmitted deceases. Statistically gay men have a higher risk of getting HIV/AIDS if they do not use condoms. If your husband begins exploring this world you really need to consider the risks you are taking having a sex life with him. Your sons might actually lose the both of you if your husband (or you!) is not careful. He is jeopardizing more than just your relationship.

Being gay is not disgusting I might add, but I can imagine how you feel when you think you know somebody and then find out that you were wrong all along.


As a side note don't involve your children in this mess. They don't need to know anything about their father's sexual behaviour; whatever they need to know they should hear from him self. And even if he is gay or bisexual, he can still be a great father to them.