Lack of sex ruining our relationship

Hello,

Im sitting at work trying to work out some things in my head. I have posted on here many times and have some great advice. Today i need some advice. I dont really want to talk to friends and family - i dont know why, perhaps I dont want to be judged, or for them to think im worrying over nothing, or anything else.

Im sure some of you know my story - if not just read some of my posts. Well its been over a month since weve had sex, but theres not been a week gone by where we havent rowed about it, or had crisis talks. My boyf says sex is for us one big hassle - he just isnt interested at the moment. I get upset and angry, and consider ending all we have but think why? When everything else is good. He said he dosnt associate it with pleasure cause if all the rows it has caused. He is loving and affectionate, we spend all our time together but after a rocky year last year our sex life has taken a dive. The more he withdraws the more i want sex. The more i want sex the ess it happens the more angry and upset i get - the more i get aggrevated and short with him. I WANT TO BREAK OUT OF THIS CYCLE BUT HOW??????????

We went to councilling for the first time last week, but it wasnt a proper counceling session, it was more of an information sessio and a chat about whats going on. It was my boyf who advised the councillor that I am unhappy with our sex life and that we are both upset about it. After the session i was quiet and when he asked if I was ok, I replied "cant believe we're having counilling" and he was very affectionate and said "look at this as a way of building foundations for a good future together"

Well that was last thursday, and now we have to wait until we are fitted in for our next session. The thing is I dont know how long I am supposed to wait for sex to happen. I miss the intimacy, passion, excitement. I love him very much. We work so well on other aspects of our relationship it just hurts so much I dont know if I should just back off or keep trying. Yesterday, after a nice weekend, I send him a text saying "tonight maybe we can play" and put a little winking face. He just put "maybe". When we got home we went and choose some paint for our spareroom which was nice, and i felt so close to him, we were walking round the diy shop arm in arm and he was giving me kisses etc. Then we went to his parents and then went home and had a takeaway, but it was horrible wondering if it would happen. I Just wish i could stop thinking of sex!!! I asked him for sex and he said he didnt want to........

Then i said " I cant actually take this anymore, I really miss sex, its been weeks, why cant you just see how unhappy this makes me" I asked why we he wont try and then the arguments started and words were being chucked around everywhere, he said he is trying by going counceling. I said well all i want is for us to have sex?! its not rocket science.
He then said it cant all just change over night.... (the way our bad patch has effected our sex life) We just went round and round leading to him swearing at me. I then got out of bed and went in the spare room in tears. HE Came in straight away and said sorry and he didnt mean it and hugged me, and cried. I didnt say anything, he then left and we slept in separate beds.

This moring despite we normally travel to work together, he took his own car and was gone by time I got up.

Want to see out the counceling but how do I Stop letting the lack of sex rule my life?

Please help xx

Like to help

hi there

i have just been reading your post about not havig sex and trying to understand why. first of all how did all of this start? and how long have you been together,has anything in your relationship changed, plase tell me a little more iwould like to ry and help.
hensiop

Odd time to say thank you

I am just trawling the web looking for help, because my husband announced this morning at 08:30 that he is leaving me because of various reason all of which are / or are linked to lack of sex. I know that he naturally wants sex, I should be flattered ! but I just don't want to. I don't know the answer to your problem, with you it is the reverse senario, however, your posting has crystallized a few issues of our relationship for me.
I don't know how to "fix" the problem you have, if I did I would have done it already for my own relationship. I will say however the following:
I am sure your husband understands your desire and feels blame for not being able to give you what you want. The blame he is putting on himself (if he is anything like me) just adds pressure, real or imagined.
Think of a time you got nagged for something, could be your Mother telling you to clean your room or something more recent. The more you got nagged the less willing you became to do the "task". Then even when you did the next time the subject came up, you instantly felt as narked as you did before. And each time you get more and more stressed by it.
For me it breaks my heart that I can't give my husband what he wants especially considering the context of a otherwise normal relationship. He is right, you are right, but that in it'self doesn't change the emotions of the person who is saying no.
If feel for you and your bf, I really do. If you find a way to fix it let me know, he's moving out !!

Hi there

i just wanted to share same experience as u in that i have a good relationship with my boyfriend of 3yrs, he is a 11yrs younger than me, very careing loveing affectionate, but same as u NO SEX!! when i talk about it with him he just say i pressurise him to much the more i pressure him the more he dont want it, our relationship is fab in any other way, i do find that when we do make love eventually its usually over in seconds and he cant control it, ive tried talking to him but he just shrugs it off and we dont discuss it further so i think thats y he doesnt want sex cos he maybe embarressed but i want to help him, hes just not interested, but he gets upset if i dont cuddle him and i say to him well thats how i feel when u dont have sex with me, and he just sais here we go again!!! so we go round in circles, is the relationship doomed, i fear i will look elsewhere if he doesnt want to satisfy me ive even mentioned this to him and hes laughed and said whatever!!! i just love being intimate but he prefers the cuddles to the sex, im the same as u and dont know what to do about it really.

Hiya,

This is 1 of the worse things 2 happen in a good relationship! Everything else is fine but then its the case of no sex! Maybe he is just very stressted, sounds like u had a rough time last year and maybe that has caused his sex drive 2 plumit! Ive been with my fella 4 7 years now and i went through the same thing myself about 2 years ago.. I loved him 2 pices but i just couldnt make love 2 him.. I found out that i had depression and thats why i couldnt. It was very hard 4 us and 2 b honest i thought he would go with someone else, but he stuck around and helped me through it.. Give it time, i know its hard but he just needs some help ( at least he is up 4 cousinling) that shows that he actually wants 2 do something about it. U still get yer hugs and kiss's and u said there is still the close'ness, there r other way's of satisfying yer self... that may releve some of yer stress and give him a break. Good luck hope all works out 4 u

My wife has this issue and here is what i wish she would do for me and others

I wish I could help but am frustrated too for her and me. I think she looks great, even though she too added weight with children, but love does not see thos things. If he loves you and you him then let those feelings be first and give him all you have and he will be SOOO happy for the gift you give. You married him for a reason so why not show him. I have told my wife too much that I feel this way but she can't let go to enjoy our 15 yrs together and it REALLY hurts our entire life, what a waste we both lose. Please take my advice and let go and LOVE him without the baggage for at least he will be happy and after you learn to enjoy it, you will be too!
Tom