Help! marriage on the rocks!

Hello all,

I've been with my partner for almost four years now. For the first 2 and 1/2 years we were intensely and passionately in love, all over each other, couldnt keep our hands off each other, etc... I never felt that way about anyone before.

I left my country and moved to the UK to do postgraduate studies a year after we met, but would go back twice or three times a year. a year into my studies we decided to get married and maybe try to move her out here too.

Everything was fine up until the time I went home to marry her. She was having doubts, and so was I. All the pressure of getting things organized didn't help either. Also she was sexually cold and couldnt bring herself to doing anything (up to this point she was still a virgin, we did everything else though). We talked about it and thought it was just stress and cold feet and it would pass. She was terrified of the pain of having sex the first time, and we had to get her wasted to do it, and even then she found it painful.

We've been married almost a year now and she hasn't felt attracted to me in the least in all that time. Everything about me seems to turn her off. Its created all kinds of problems and we just seem to be drifting apart. She doesnt even want to move here anymore, she keeps pushing me away, out of her life, and she's been so resentful towards me like this is somehow my fault. How could something like this happen?! Is it normal? Can it be fixed? I'm trying to be understanding but its just getting more and more difficult. I try to see things from her perspective but nothing makes sense.

She's always had quite a high sex drive, probably the only person i've know who matches mine, but its just not directed towards me anymore. She still masturbates, but apparently can only think about girls when she does, and still finds men attractive. She's very open with things like that. She just cant bring herself to being with me sexually. She may find the thought appealing, but as soon as I come near her she just shuts down.

What can I do? Should we get a divorce? We're both so young (27 and 24)! Can we solve this problem?

I can't help but think I may have let her down somehow or lost her trust, or that I dont make her feel wanted. These things maybe true now, and more and more as time goes by, but I was always crazy about her, especially around the time that these problems started.

Have you ever told her like that?

I think you should write down what you have written here and send it to her. She can read it in her own time without interruption. She may not know the inpact that her actions have on you. I would love to know if you take my advice and how you and your wife carry on.
All the best for you!

Of course! i tried everything!

I tried to communicate with her as much as possible, she says she doesnt understand and can't help the way she feels. She's as frustrated as I am. We're both very unhappy and niether of us want a divorce, but it seems like things won't get any better. We still hope though...