Sexual abuse when younger.

Hi all.

Im 20 and id like to tell my story. Ive choosen this forum coz i dunno where else to write, cannot find one jst talkin bout that hard topic in this site.
I you just could gimme some advice or kinda help i'd be so grateful!

I was 4 when my parents got divorced. I lived (and still do) with my mother, and i went to visit my father sometimes, whenever he 'd come and pick me up home.
My father's family didnt accept me as they did with the rest of my cousins. I was half rejected, dunno if i explain the right way, I mean that i was treated differently, they tried to make me believe I was like the rest but it was obvious i wasnt.
One day when i was about 12 my cousins and I stayed in a place a bit far from where my uncles, aunts and father were. I jst remember some parts of this moment, i cant even remember what happened bfore or after that time, i cant ever rememeber wot i felt, i jst remember i was truly afraid and all wanna do was die at this very moment. I indeed trusted my cousin, so when he told me to go under the table (a rounded shape table with a large tablecloth) i said yes. He told me we were gonna play, i dont wanna give any details, coz i dont remember much and its so hard for me to tell this. He made things i didnt wanna and i feel guilty coz i did nothing to stop him. I was like blocked. Terrified. Couldnt even move.
I feel humiliated, angry, ashamed and guilty.
Didnt tell my mum and i dont wanna. i jst told some of ma closest friends, some of which didnt react very well from my point of view, the others tell me i gotta forget it. I swear i try but i cant. Its so hard.

The thing is that ive never remember this till one month ago, i was watchin tv and i saw a place so similar to there; i felt like i had no air and i wanted to hide.
From then i feel so sad and nervous all day long; know i should go to a psicologist but i dont feel strong enough. I dont wanna go on my own either.

Okay thats enough or ill end up crying. Thank u so much for reading this and ill be grateful for any piece of advice.

Love.

(Im spanish so sorry if ive made any mistake while writtin in english, as its not my mother tonge, i try to do my best).

Your a tough cookie!

im so sorry to hear that, its sick how people can do that!

but weldun for how you are dealing with this!

the only thing i cn suggest is councelling. when i was going threw depression it really helped me out and i think it will help you deal with what happened and move on.

give it an thought

gd luck

xx

I am so sorry. here are some suggestions.

I am so sorry for what happend to you. Of course you feel the way you do. Your feelings are perfectly normal for someone that has had this happen to them.

You mentioned you just recently began to remember the experience and that some of the experience is blocked out of your memory. Not surprising. It is good that you have become aware of what happened. Now the question is what to do about it.

Someone said you'll never be able to forget it, that is probably true, but now that you are aware of the incident you can take control and not let it control you.

I suggest you not spend anytime trying to remember the details. Why? Because unless you intend on prosecuting your cousin or those involved what good is it to you relive the terrible feelings? NONE!

I know what you're going thru

Hi justme...I know how u feel...I was sexually abused by 2 people when I was younger, two people I trusted and now I have a hard time trusting any men.
Don't ever feel guilty, I know its hard but you can't blame yourself. It would be a good idea to go see a therapist, find a close friend who you trust and who you know cares a great deal about you and go with them. Talking things threw with some1 will help, it wont ever go away completly but at least you will be able 2 be happier and move on....If you need anything else just message me. Hope this helps abit.

Never ever feel guilty

okay first things first. 1) never feel guilty about what happened, he was wrong not you. he hurt you- not the other way around and 2) just because some people said forget it happened doesn't mean it will ever go away.

sexual abuse is very hard to cope with, trust me i know. i've been abused ever since i was a child. when i was young i didn't understand and i never told them to stop, but as i got older and learned to tell them no it didn't always help. but i'm gonna give you some advice that i learned over the years. don't be a victim. what happened happened. take it and learn from it. you are a stronger, wiser more powerful woman because of what happened. even though it hurt, please realise you are making it through one of the hardest things that a woman could ever have to deal with- and you're making it.

You poor love

Hi i dont realy know what to say to you but i just couldnt let you think that know one cares about what you went though,please beleave me when i say this you are not guilty & never should feel ashamed,he is the one that should feel ashamed,you couldnt do anything to stop it as you where only a child in shock & would not think that someone in your family could do this to you,& by the way you spell very well,iam english & i cant sell,if you fine you cant talk to anyone then keep on emailing sites like this so that you can tell people & i hope it helps you,good luck,im thinking of you.

I know how u feel

hi my heart gos out to you i no just how u feel i was sexually abused by my half brother strange men as well the thing is i feel real bad about it too because i used to let them and they gave me money i hated it but was only a child i didnt realise what they were doing was wrong but it was yuk when i got to about 14 15 i realised they cannot keep doing these things ,now i am very shy of relationships i shy away i think sex is dirty alsorts but i have to tell myself it was not me it was them they took my childhood away and im the one whos paying the ultimate price you crack on girl it wernt your fault it was those who should of looked after ur well being u will be fine just keep ur chin up and be proud of other things that u have acheived talk to the forums get it off your chest no one will blame u hope this helped you ,,