hi have been trying to concieve for a couple of months now and no luck. my husband and i lost a baby 12wks ago due to anencephaly and both decided to try again. when i didnt fall last month i was really gutted and knew my husband was too. weve been trying for the last 3weeks and all of a sudden my husband has turned round and said he doesnt want anymore hes thought about it and changed his mind! which i feel is damn right out of order considering as we had already made this decision together. now im scared that i wont be pg yet and thatl be it for me. ive never been so desparate for a baby and the loss of my last baby destroyed me as i was already 5mths gone. i dont understand why hes being like this as he wanted it just as much as i did. any advice please would be great. thax jenxxxx ps: gd luck 2 u all

I don't have the same experience but idi talk to my other half to get a man's point of view and he was convinced that your hubby reacted in this way for several reasons:

1. He is scared of being hurt again ie losing another baby
2. Scared of letting you down and you blaming him
3. The pressure is too much and he can't cope with the waiting, the presure and the disappointment.

My other halfs advice is to give him time and lay off the pressure just keep trying and its his way of doing what we do as long as we pretend we're not trying (Even though we are!!) its some how more likely to happen. Don't take it out on him hes a man he can't help not dealing with the pressures that we can!

Hope this all helps
Emma xxxxxx

thanx 4 ur reply and yeah ur probably right smetimes i dont know when to stop but im soooooo desparate for a baby and i know how to pretend i dont want something to him ive done that plenty of times. and thanx for ur partners view its nice to know whats goin on in their brains. if its meant to be then it will happen i spose just takin each day as it comes. iknow my husbands scared of the same thing happening again and so am i but wont put my life on hold because of it. im only 24! thanx again 4 ur advice means alot take care jenxxxxx

I know exactly how you're feeling hon.

I got pg in 2004 but miscarried and then got pg within a few months and my DS was born in 2005. We then agreed that I'd come off the pill after our wedding in 2006 so it had time to come out of my system. We decided to "see how things went" but it was taking ages (even when we converted to TTC properly) so went to Docs who referred me to consultant. Managed to get pg naturally before going to consultant appt but unfortunately miscarried in Jan 2008. However, when I told my DH that I was pg, he said he wasn't happy about it and came up with lots of reasons why and I was sooo confused as I was really happy and he wasn't - he knew we were TTC and I was off the pill but decided to wait until I got pg before saying anything! Suffice to say he "got what he wanted" when i miscarried at 11wks pg - I was sooo angry with him it was unreal. I've since said about having another baby and he doesn't want one so I told him if he doesn't want a baby then he must use something his end as I refuse to go back on the pill. And I refuse to wait for him to be ready as my career is on hold and I can't go back into it until our children are at school full-time. If we haven't had a baby by the time my DS goes to school full time (next Sept) then we're not supposed to have any more but the thought of him being an only child breaks my heart really.

He hasn't been using anything for quite a few months now so I'm assuming we're TTC!!! He knows I really want a baby (when I get drunk I tell him) but I don't think he wants us to be officially TTC if that makes sense. Too much pressure on him I think. So we can't do anything like SMEP because we're not "trying" in his eyes! Why do men make it all so difficult eh!! It's us that has to carry the baby and deliver it and then us that normally takes care of it and takes career break etc so we should have a bit more of a say really!! BUT having said that, we can't force them either! Arrgghhh!!

Hope it all works itself out for you. I know how hard it is and how angry you feel towards other "normal" couples sometimes - well I did anyway.

Take care,
Bea xx

thanx for ur reply and im soo sorry to hear of youre losses. must of been very difficult. gd news at the mo he seems to be happy with trying again, just wish hed make his bloody mind up like u say why do they make it all so hard their lives dont change they still go to work like normal when we do the runnin around they jus get the good bits!!!! imjus gona take things as they come and if its meant to be then it will be. af is due on the 16th so hope she stays away. ill kp u posted and hope all works out well 4 u. i felt exactly the same after my first was born i watched her playing in the bath and she looked so lonely it broke my heart. thats when i decided to have another. fingas crossed 4 u and if u eva jus wana chat then no probs im here. take care jenxxxx. and thanx 2 all ur replies n gd luk

men can definately be strange sometimes, they seem to change their minds with the weather dont they. Maybe ease off him for a few weeks and when he seems in a good mood (after a few drinks) maybe broach the subject. My dp has done this to me on a couple of occasions and it is so frustrating, hes agreed to trying for baby no 2 then a while later says its not the right time blah blah and comes out with some lame excuse. However us ladies can be persuasive when we want to be. As hard as it was for me i didnt mention the subject for a while then a few months later when he was "happy" and calm i discussed it and he agreed.
maybe your husband feels its a bit soon and needs a bit of space from the situation,trouble is most blokes find it hard to talk and just block out whats bothering them.

Hope this has helped a bit. Although like you said theres a chance you might be pregnant.
anyway good luck and ive crossed my fingers for you


D.

sorry to hear about your loss, i cant imagine what you have been through.

i just wanted to say speak to your partner and find out exacly why. it could be something simple like money, the responsability or maybe just scared!
lots of people change their minds and then change them back again, its a difficult decsision to make and one month you think its a good decision and something happenes and it mite not be the right time.

please just speak to him and work out whats on his mind, you may be able to reassure him and then get back to trying.

good luck, please dont stress xx

thanku sooo much 4 youre replies it realy helps n yeah maybe i am pushing it abit but deep down i know he wants the same and he is so damn stubborn when he wants to be. i think hes just worried that the same thing will happen again but the doctor has reasurred us that its highly unlikely. maybe im just being selfish as we already have two beautiful kids who i love more than anything just feel like im lost and need to be a mother all over again. fingers crosed eh? thanku again it really helps to talk to someone. jenxxxx