Hey, after reading these messages i realised im not alone!!! at last someone to talk to. I had a m/c 8 weeks ago now but it still only feels like yesterday. I thought i had got over it and was feeling ok but im not at all.i go over it every day in my mind, and keep thinking of how different things would be now if i didnt loose my baby.
i find myself staring a pregnant women and babies all the time, and i feel really jealous when i see them.
My boyfriend was really supportive when it happened but i feel i cant talk to him about it now. Men just do not understand!!!!! If i try to talk to him about it he just sais whats done is done, we cant change the past. i just feel really alone and i am glad i have found this site as i no all of you feel the same.
part of me just thinks that i am being stupid and that i need to let go off the past, but someone please tell me how!!!???

I miscarried twins 11 weeks to day. I'm feeling worse than I was when it happened. A girl at work is due 3 weeks after I was and i can't bear to look at here. I feel really awful because I'm so jelous and busrt into tears when anyone mentions babies. I'm arranging councelling through work as my doctor was useless !!! My husband was also great at the time but he really doesn't understand how I'm feeling now. I've even been to see a medium !! I feel like i'm steadily going insane.My problem is I had a D&c and have still not had a period, so i can;t even begin to think about trying for another yet.

please don't think you're alone in how you feel, this thread is proof of that. Miscarriage is devastating and it's hard for anyone to understand unless they've been thru it. Don't be too hard on your hubby, as already mentioned in this thread they deal with it in their own 'man' way and altho he's lost his babies too it just isn't the same for men.

The jealousy seems to be perfectly normal too, we all feel it when we're around pregnant women and babies. Not much help when you've still got to face them I know but at least it proves you're no worse than the rest of us! I've never had a d&c, all my m/c's happened on their own but know it can take a while for your next period to come, again no comfort but at least you know it's not abnormal. Might be worth having a chat with your GP if nothing happens soon, know they can sometimes give you something to kickstart your ovaries but don't know if it would apply in your case. Some of the other girls on here might know more about that, you coud try posting it as a new thread if no-one chips in with any more info on this one.

You're not going insane, or if you are we're all going with you! Take care hun,

love, Clare xxx

it does take time to get over these things infact you probably never do it just gets a little easier with time i know that probably doesn't help now but it does kind of get a bit better.
i was exactly the same with reguards to other peoples pregnancies, my sister in law announced she was pregnant 1 week after i'd had my erpc, boy did that hurt especially as she always maintained she never wanted kids. she had her baby back in june 1 week after i was due
also there seemed to be someone i knew getting pregnant every month after my miscarriage and i just felt i couldn't get away from preganat women.
i went for counselling as i was really strugglin was good to speak to someone not emotionally involved.feel alot better now but still have down days it's only natural.
it will take your body a while to get back to it's old self but just give yourself time physically and emotionally.
take care and message on here anytime your feelin down it really does help.
love laura x

Hi

I am the same, had miscarriage middle of July. I was nearly 6 weeks and keeping thinking about the stage I would be at now and thinking that I might be starting to show.

Even though I had miscarriages before I had my son now 27months this came as a big shock to me. I think that because i finally gave birth to my son that everything would be fine this time.

I also tried to get pregnant straight away and so focused on that instead of the miscarriage. when my af came i was totally gutted.

on day 16 of my cycle now and using the ov sticks but not had a positive yet. I know that I am due to ovulate soon as can tell by the change in my cm.

All i think about (when my two year old is not keeping my mind off it) is having a baby. I even look at my son and feel guilty that he has not got a little brother or sister to play with.

I really hope that this month is the right time and i hope it is for every one else as well.

hey hun sorry for your loss i sufferd a loss 4 weeks ago after trying for 6 months and altho we are back trying again theres not a day that goes by that i dont think of the one i lost and how far i wud be now the list is endless in that respect and then theres the trying again if im not thinking about ovulation im thinking about not getting my peroid and in between that im looking for symtoms so u are not alone in what u are feeling its only natural if u ever want to lend an ear just pm me ! take care shell xx

Hey katie,
I just wanted you to know that I still get upset over my miscarriages. I have had 2, one in May and one in July (both this year) and it is really hard not to keep thinking "what if".
My partner struggled through both the miscarriages because he just wanted to make it all right for me and couldn't. So much so, he didn't want to try again right away because he wasn't sure he could handle seeing me go through it again if the worst were to happen. He has now come around to the idea of trying again, but I don't want to remind him of how awful it was by telling him when I still get upset sometimes.
Also, he thinks that "it was for the best" if something wasn't right and although I know he means well, it is hard to agree when your emotions are all over the place and it seems so unfair.
Sorry for rambling, just wanted you to know that you are not on your own in feeling this way.
I have found that this site is great for talking to people who know what you are going through without them knowing or judging you. I'm sure you will find the same.
I'm wishing you all the luck in the world in the future and maybe one day we'll be corresponding on the "expecting a baby" forum!
Hugs
S
x

you are not rambling at all. thank you so much for getting back to me. i am so sorry for your losses.
i feel so alone and no one knows how i am feeling inside. I feel like i cant talk about it as it was a long time ago and i dont want to keep digging up the past. this is the only place i can talk about it and i know that everyone understands. Are you currently trying again?
We have been trying since it happened but nothing has happened yet. Every month i count the days until my next period, hoping that i will get pregnant.

yes my partner and I are trying again, but i haven't had a period yet since my m/c on 29th July. A couple of weeks ago I managed to convince myself that there was a faint line on a P test, but every test since has definately been negative so just waiting for things to settle down back into a cycle.

Also wanted to say that you message and all of the responses here show how much support and understanding there is out there, and it really comforts me on my bad days.

I also feel a bit better about talking to you guys and not my OH about my ongoing feelings, as I thought I was being a bit sneaky hiding my feelings from him, but now I am reassured it's ok to get it off my chest here!

Thanks again to all of you who have posted - I think you keep me sane these days!
Hugs
S
x

just wanted to say me too! Still marking off the weeks in my head, thinking about where I'd be now, first scan, showing maybe, even thinking about buying stuff in preparation. Am sure it's not healthy but I really can't help it, if anyone has come up with a way to stop please tell me too! Things keep catching me off guard, pregnant women and babies in shops and in the street, storylines in TV programmes, can't even watch nappy adverts without it starting me thinking about it again. Know my husband is trying to understand but even he is starting to wonder when I'm gonna snap out of it. It's been 8 weeks since my last m/c, I've had 3 in the last year or so and each one seems to hit me harder. Have been off work since my 2nd in feb and am on antidepressants now cos I just can't pull myself together. Am on the verge of losing my job cos I keep trying to go back and then not being able to face it on the day, think they think I'm messing them about but it's like I've got a phobia of the place. My husband works at the same place as me and the 2nd m/c happened while I was working, they sent me to hospital but wouldn't let my husband come with me and it really seems to have affected me that they made me go thru it alone. Just want my life back, am trying to get pregnant again but really scared now that it's just not gonna happen for me. Seems to be the day for rambling, sorry everyone but feel better for getting it off my chest!

Just wanted to say that just as you are disgusted about how I was treated by the hospital, I am disgusted at how your work treated you and your husband! It makes me so angry that you had to go through your second mc alone and God knows how your poor husband must've been feeling at the time!! I think sometimes us women forget about how much it all affects our partners as well. But at the end of the day we're the ones that have been through all the physical, emotional and hormonal changes. No-one will ever know exactly how you're feeling right now but I bet we can get pretty close to guessing!
Just keep trying for that special little one. I know it'll happen for you and you'll be holding a healthy baby in your arms before you know it!
Good luck,
Claire x

I am so glad you replied. I understand how you are feeling. Everywhere you turn is a pregnant woman or a baby or something that reminds you. this is a horrible thing for us to be going through but at leastwe know we are not alone! besides its good to come on here and have a rant to people we dont know! i must admit i feel better already and i feel really close to all the women on here, i guess we all have the same thing in common!

That must be so hard for you to return back to work as there will be bad memories there for you. Have you thought about changing jobs? making a new start somewhere?

How does your husband deal with all of this? my boyfriend has no idea that i am on this website and he has no idea i feel this way. I find it really hard to show my emotions and dont want to come accross as if i am dwelling on the past.

The more i read these messages, the more i know i am not a freak!

I am so sorry for your 3 losses clare, im sure we will all get our babies soon. never give up...

much love,

kate xxx

Sounds daft but it's really nice when people are angry on your behalf, am thinking of finding something else but my job pays well (for factory work anyway!) and part of me doesn't wanna give them the satisfaction of letting them win. They're trying to force me to quit now I think, have asked for a temporary switch to days (work nights normally) and a change in job roles to ease me back in but they don't wanna know. My union have been useless but have contacted a solicitor now so we'll see what happens. Not taking it lying down that's for sure!

My husband is actually a bit funny about me being on here. Dunno whether it's cos he doesn't like the idea of me discussing our personal life online or cos he'd rather I talked to him but it's got to the point where I only log on when he's not around. It's like my guilty little secret! We talked loads straight after the m/c's, specially the last one and he was quite open about how he felt (for a man!) but as time's gone on I've felt less and less willing to bring it up with him. Don't know if it's that men get over things quicker than us or if they're just trying not to keep dredging it up for our sakes but men seem to want to move on and put things behind them much sooner than women. I kind of get the feeling my husband is thinking 'here we go again' a bit if I talk to him now so I tend to talk on here instead. Seems to be a fairly common state of affairs for a lot of us from what I've read.

Kate, if I were you I'd at least try and talk to your man about how you're feeling, especially if you haven't talked properly since the m/c. One of the reasons I don't talk to my husband much now is cos we talked so much at the time I feel like we've said it all before with him, you guys are a different perspective for me. Think we do tend to underestimate how much m/c hurts men too, had no idea how upset my husband was til I started talking about my feelings and that seemed to open the floodgates for him. If he doesn't want to talk you've always got us to fall back on but at least you've tried.

Thanks again for your support, dunno what I'd do without this site at the mo.

Lotsa love, luck and babydust,

Clare xxx

ok, so last night i was feeling pretty shitty and was rather quiet for me! my b/f obviously new there was something wrong. I went off to bed by myself and just lay there crying. He must have heard me as he came in and asked whats wrong. instead of me just coming out and saying it, i said nothing was wrong and i didnt want to talk. but half an hour later and lots off guessing, he guessed what was wrong. he gave me lots off cuddles. i told him everything, how i feel emotionally and that i feel empty inside.
But today...not one mention of last night!? does he think that cos i had a good cry last night, that its all forgotton about? but like you say i dont want to bring it up all the time, because to be honest what is there really to say on the matter.? my baby is gone and nothing i say or anyone else sais is going to bring her back.

At the time of the m/c he was very supportive and we did talk a little about it. he even took me on holiday to help me get over it. so i just feel like i am being an ungrateful cow. but i honestly cant stop these feelings!

gosh i bet you all think i have gone bonkers!!!

thanks for listening!

kate xxxx

Hi Kate,

Reading your last post was like reading something I could've written! Me and my b/f have been through the same thing. I had a huge sobbing fest in bed on Sunday night and we haven't spoken about it since. Your b/f knows it's not all over for you just coz you cried, I'm sure he does. But he doesn't want to bring it up again.

I think our fellas are trying to protect us really. They know they can't do anything about any physical pain we've been through but they can certainly try to ease the emotional pain. And in a man's world that means bottling it all up and doing things to take your mind off it (like holidays). But I firmly believe a problem shared is a problem halved so if you want to come on here and ramble to us do, coz we'll all ramble right back at you!

Clare (if you're reading) - My b/f was a bit funny about me coming on here at first. (like your husband he doesn't like that I publish private things on the internet). But I told him the only way I can get over this is to speak to women who are in the same position as me.

I've got so many friends and relatives to talk to about m/c coz they've all been through it but none of them have been through it in the last year or so and so have forgotten how they felt at the time. The only people that know what I'm going through is you guys on this site. So I say, let the fellas deal with this in their own way, if we want to type to people we don't know we can type to people we don't know. If it makes us feel better, so what, eh?!

Claire x

hi clare, i have just read your other message. I am so sorry to hear that but at least now you know and you can finally move on and try again. I am also glad that you got the treatment u deserved at the hospital, unlike last time! Today must have been so hard for you, and your b/f, and no doubt the 21st will be even harder. Just to let you no i am thinking off you.

And its true about or blokes trying to protect us. i know they mean best but there men! they cant possibly understand the emotional pain and emptyness we are feling. Like i said before, us women need to stick together!!!! Just remember were here when u need to talk, moan, rant whatever!!!

Hugs

Kate xxx

Yeah, like you say, I'm glad I've got some closure but it's so difficult. I seem to think about "the twins" all day, every day. In my own mind I'm now referring to them as Little'un and Tiny instead of the Twins (I sound completely mad saying this). The names came from the nurse that gave me the scan results and asked me to sign the cremation form. She kept referring to the baby as Little'un. And the other one was so small that when I would tell people what it looked like on the screen I would say "it was so tiny". Therefore, they're called Little'un and Tiny. But I think if I told b/f he'd either laugh or tell me I'm being silly. So I'm telling you girls instead! I think giving them a name each has given them more of an identity and it's making me feel slightly better (sure it wouldn't work for all women). But it definitely doesn't stop me from feeling totally empty! God, I hate not being pregnant!!!

Claire x

once again you've hit the nail on the head, think our men do think they're protecting us by not talking about it. Sean (my hubby) admitted that was why he'd avoided raising it til I did, said he thought it would make it worse if he brought it up. They do seem to operate completely differently to us women tho, never really bought into all that women are from mars men are from venus stuff but am starting to wonder! They take a much more practical approach to stuff, kind of identify the problem, sort it and move on. It's different for us, partly cos of the physical side and hormones and stuff but also cos we just don't work the same way. No point trying to fight it and make them like us (or vice versa) cos it won't work, thank god we've got each other!

Much love,

Clare xxx

i TOTALLY AGREE!!! i think in times like this women need to stick together. To be blunt, we are the only ones on this planet who understand each other! My b/f still has no idea that i go on this site, and i have no intentions off telling him as i know he will think im being pathetic. Besides i quite like having this place a secret. its like a little sanctury! haha!

Sometimes i wish i was a man, i really do! we mayb not actually a man, but i wish i could think like one! Just have a pint and all is forgotten!!!!

I am feeling loads better about my self now, just from speaking to you guys!

Thanks everyone for making me smile again.

hugs

kate xxx

have written on this site before but not for a while now. had my missed miscarriage last november and can honestly say i'm only really now getting over it. like you've said men really don't get how we feel, i felt very alone when i went through my miscarriage it didn't happen naturally, i had the erpc and my husband was pretty good to start with but after a few days it just seemed to be all over with for him business as usual!!!! i went back to work less than a week after being in hospital and that was a big mistake.
i ended up seeing a counsellor for a while to try and get my head round things as like you i didn't want to keep bringing it up with my husband because he just did'nt seem interested, when i did bring it up and ask what he felt he said he'd dealt with it and what happened happened was really hard to deal with that was like he really wasn't bothered at all and to make matters worse he's already got two kids so it seemed to me at the time that it was alright for him cos he'd already got his kids.
anyway i agree with everyone on here the site really does help it's nice to know thers someone to listen at the touch of a button at not have to worry that there sick of hearing about it or don't understand.
sorry to go on just felt i needed to share my experience (again) and show that no ones on their own seems most men are built of the same stuff!
take care all
love laura x

and don't be sorry, like you said you don't have to worry that we're sick of hearing it cos we all understand only too well. I'm in the same position as you, my husband has 2 kids with his first wife, and I felt exactly the same. Was sure he wouldn't be that bothered about losing our babies, even convinced myself he didn't really want any more cos he's done it all already. As it turned out I was wrong, he was as gutted as me just in his own 'man' way. He knows I'm here for him if he wants to talk and I would talk to him if I really felt I needed to but I've pretty much decided to deal with this my way and let him do the same.

Am so glad everyone's getting as much out of our little chats as me, stops me feeling like a complete sad case. Really regret my choice of username now, it leaves me wide open to that particular insult! Hope everyone's doing ok,

love, Clare xxx