Hi ladies, ive been following you guys (all of you so helpful) for a while now and i think its time to tell my story -

I found out in early jan i was preg and was over the moon - 2 days later I started to bleed, it was only spotting but very frightning! I made an appointment with the doc who wasnt really interested and refered me to the EPC. As it was too early they asked me to come back a week later. during the week the bleeding got worse but I was in no pain! we went to the EPC a week later and was scanned - everything was fine, there was this little heartbeat flashing away! we were thrilled!! the EPC said some women do just bleed and to go back if in any pain or any increase in blood.

The next few weeks the bleeding got slightly worse, every week we went back to EPC to be scanned and every week was shown the baby was fine! it was lovely watching this little spot grow - Still had that doubt in the back of our minds though even when the docs are saying everything is fine.

By the end of feb the bleeding was so heavy I ended up at A&E - they rushed me in and then transferred me to another hospital. (Materinity and EPC hospital doesnt have an A&E) I spent the night at the hosp being told i was probably miscarring but i would be scanned the next day. At the scan there was my baby perfectly fine! we couldnt believe it, the docs said the bleeding may be from a low lying placenta but until i get further along they cant tell. I was sent home that day and told to rest for a week.

the week passed fine with only spotting (more irritating than anything as i had been bleeding for weeks) on the Sunday when i was exactly 10 weeks i went to the loo and by baby just 'fell out' it was awful,there was no blood or pain i just went for a wee! I fished it out of the bowl and just stared at it, it was still intact in the sac and was almost completly fully formed, little fingers and everything! i then broke down - as you can imagine!

Back to the hospital the next day for a scan to 'confirm', the hospital didnt seem to believe I had my baby in a box at home! The scan showed nothing just thick lining and to go home and come back next week. (not once did anyone ask what id done with the baby)

I went back the week later and was told the lining had gone down but not a lot, come back next week for a scan. (heavy bleeding the whole time) I went back for another scan and they said I needed a D&C - a week later I had the op and was told I could bleed for up to 4 weeks. 5 weeks later and still bleeding teh doc says i have an infection - antibiotics - go home and rest. 2 weeks later still bleeding (by now i had been bleeding for nearly 5 months!) - I ended up crying in the docs office to be referred back to hosp for a scan - the scan showed they had 'missed' a fair bit at the first op, and that I needed another one!

2 weeks ago I had the op, and then 5 days later I started passing massive clots -the size of golf balls in work, so back to the hosp (Id given up on the docs & went straight to the hosp) where they said I have another infection - antibiotics. They did offer a scan to see if they missed anything 2nd time round but they would have to act on it if anything was seen and as I had only just had an op it could cause damage. I said no to the scan.

So here I am after 5 months of hell and still bleeding I have a week left of antibiotics so hopefully they will stop it. how can you get over the loss when your still going through it!

Thanks for reading it was so therapuitic to write it all out!

I am writing to let you know how sorry i am to read about your loss and the way the miscarriage 'dragged' out, it must of been really awful for you. I have had two miscarriages in the past five months and it is such a feeling of emptyness. With the first in October 2007, i had a similar circumstance but nowehere near as awful, they left 'products' as they refer to your baby and i had to wait a number of weeeks for it to go naturally. The second time they carried out the D&C by ultrasound so hopefully its all done and dusted. 9 weeks later but still no period, i am 99% sure i am not pregnant, but now worrying why there is no period. I am lucky enough to have two older children but for some mad reason we wanted to try again, i am 42 so it would of been a very much only spoilt child. They did carry out tests on the more recent miscarriage and said there was three copies of Trisomy 21 and that is was a female. Thought that would help but only made the baby more real knowing it was a girl. My GP (again they are not very caring, you really are just a number!) has refered us to genetic counselling, which has made me worry even more. Anyway enought about me, i know it was natures way of saving me heartache and now not too sure if i want to put myself through it again (i have two teenagers and they are bloody hard work, don't think i could cope with a teenager near my 60's, but feel i want a newborn). Saying that i really hope this has not put you off and you have the courage to try again, because as they say miscarriage is really very common and a baby is something worth trying for. Anyway first time i've replied to any e-mail, hope i hav'nt bored you and loads of good luck trying.

i am so sorry honey i cant imagine what you are going thru it made me cry reading your post, i hope writing it all down helped you a little.

i m/c 8 weeks ago, the pain is still raw at times but easier each day that passes. to still be bleeding must be so hard for you , you have no closure just a constant flow from m/c. docs should really be more concerned surely to be bleeding that lenght of time cant be good for you, are they not worried? your docs sound as good as mine!!!

i passed my baby and buried it with a little sleeping cherub statue there now i really found that helped.

i really hope you feel better soon, you will get thru this i promise, just take each day as it comes and deal with the emotions that are thrown at you as and when they come!

im here if you ever need a chat just pm me

big hugs coming your way!!!

xxx

To read your story is mind numbing. I really feel for you at this time.

After having had three miscarriages and havig personally found the GP,EPU and hospital fantastic it s hard to understand how there can be so much variation in care.

Unfortunately you have not had the chance to gieve for your loss but have had to deal with the fallout of the whole process for to long.You have also had the positive vibes frm scans where you have seen the heartbeat and your baby growing. To pass your baby in the way you describe must be horrific. I am thankful that I never had to endure that experience!

I know this is not much but time is a great healer. Firstly you need to be healthy and well and then you can begin to move forward form the actual loss itself.If you don't mind me asking is this your first preganancy/miscarriage?

I wish you well for the future and we are always here to help when we can even if it is just listening and understanding.

Love Nicki x