"It still hurts "

Hiya Ladies,
I havent poste for a while so ill recap, I had a m/c at 4 weeks in December & got pregnant within a month, this pregnancy made it to 7 weeks before m/c'ing. The bleeding started End of feb & went on for over 4 weeks because hospital refused to give me D&C & Also refused to scan, I ended up with an infection & had my 1st period since November last month.

Ive just got back off a weeks holiday that my husband booked so we could get away from it all & we had an amazing weeks rest & relaxation, the weather was amazing & the whole break from beginning to end was absolute bliss but weve come back to loads of hassle & trouble with the neighbours.

I still find the miscarriage hard to live with, I was just wondering if anyone else took this long to recover emotionally? Im not crying everyday or anything, its just so raw at times & I still feel cheated & moody over it, this normal?

Love Hellen xXx

with what the other girls have posted on here - very wise words of wisdom ladies. Couldn't have put it better myself.

I had my first miscarriage in July 2004 and my best friend was pg at the same time. It was twins and lost them at 8wks. Hit me and my DH for six I can tell you and to make it worse, my friend had a healthy little girl. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but you do get moments of thinking "why me" and I think that's completely normaly. Luckily, I was in the early stages of pg #2 when she had her little girl and that deffo helped me cope. None of my friends or family have had a m/c so had no one to talk to about my fears for the 2nd pg. Had a terrible pg with lots of bleeding BUT my little angel arrived safely and is here running around now! I then tried to get pg again for nearly 18 months (the last two times it had only taken 2 months!) and then out of the blue, it happened, I got pg. Over the moon and hoping m/c wouldn't happen again and even tho it was 3 years since the last m/c, I still had all those old fears come back! And it did unfortunately happen in Jan this year, I had a m/c at 11wks pg. All those old feelings came back and I think this time was harder for some reason, maybe because I now know the joy of a baby having had one - who knows.

It's still really raw and I made sure I'd left a month before TTC again as didn't want that increased risk and am currently still TTC. The Hosp want to do hysteroscopy re my irregular heavy periods and want to 'investigate' why I had two miscarriages. I think the normal procedure is 3 but I have a Bicornuate Uterus and possible PCOS and Endo so these could be reasons for miscarriage and I think they want to see if it is or not. My SIL (who had one m/c at 6wks and then had to have termination at 12wks due to skull not growing) asked why my m/c were being investigated "because 2 miscarriages isn't a lot is it"!!!! I could've killed her. She knows how it feels, or maybe she doesn't! Everyone is different I suppose. I have to have D&C's with my m/c as my uterus just can't get rid of it (due to my bicornuate uterus) and that makes the whole thing a bigger deal I suppose but I would've thought she would've been happy for me - from one fellow unfortunate person to another and all that but no!

Anyway, just wanted to say I still think about my miscarriages which happened in July 04 and Jan 08 - I think that's normal. I'm dreading the end of July as that's my due date - I sooooo want to have a sticky pg before then but that's looking unlikely now! I have to be grateful for my little angel, there are so many people without even that. He just keeps asking for brother or sister which puts the pressure on just a little bit!

If you ever want to PM me, feel free.
Take care,
Bea

It's absolutely normal. I have come to the conclusion that this is something you will never really get over. Just something you learn to live with and it makes that BFP all the more special when you get it.

There are loads of folks on here who understand.

I still find it hard to deal with too.
Had m/c in Nov @6-7 weeks. Has taken til now for cycle to get back to normal. Each visit from the horrible AF brings back the emotions and although not crying all the time I feel low and not sure how to work through it. But it passes. Just hoping that each time it will get easier.

Finding it tougher this month. Was hoping for BFP before due date and now that's not going to happen.

Just trying to look forward, planning holidays to take our mind off things.

Love Sarah
XXX

after all you went through I think it's completely understandable it still feels raw at least some of the time. I'm not sure the cheated feeling ever really goes away, think we underestimate the feeling of loss m/c creates because our babies never made it as far as 'real people' if you know what I mean. Don't think those lucky enough to never have experienced it can comprehend how it feels to lose a baby we never held in our arms but they're no less real to us just because we never actually met them.

It's good that you enjoyed your holiday and maybe had a break from how you've been feeling but being back to reality again, especially if the hassle with your neighbours has brought you back down to earth with a bump is bound to bring it all back again, know it's no comfort but I think you're perfectly normal.

All I can say is don't bottle it up, think it's hard to talk to people around you (even partners) cause they often seem to think you should be over it within a few weeks, like I said no-one really understands unless they've been through it themselves. You know we're all here for you to let off steam to if you don't want to go down the counselling route but I had a few sessions after my last m/c (never thought I'd do counselling, not my thing at all) and it helped more than I thought it would. Just having someone to sound off to without feeling like I was bringing them down and going on about it was a lot more therapeutic than I thought, they're paid to listen so you can go on as much as you like!

Think it's hard when you feel like everyone's had enough of listening to it and we beat ourselves up for not being over it quickly enough but it's not an easy thing to get over and I ended up not caring what people thought of me, it was still upsetting me so I said so, nothing wrong with that and think it helped me not having to pretend I was ok when I wasn ... s been almost a year since I lost my last now and although I still have the odd bad day I finally feel like I'm moving on, I'll never forget the babies I lost but life is easier these days, you will get there hun just hang in there and above all, talk! I'm here anytime, you know that.

Lotsa love,
Clare xxx