I have had seven pregnancies over the last nine years. One resulted in my fabulous daughter, five were early miscarriages and the latest was an emergency ectopic.I lost one tube as a result of this. I feel that I have been treated abominably by the NHS, and feel neglected by the proffesionals. I am forty next month and I really don't have any time to waste. I have been emotionally strong throughout all of my ordeals and have remained focused. Yet now I find it difficult to make the decision to either continue trying or to close the chapter once and for all. I'm lucky to have my daughter. My hubby is supportive yet longs for more children and my little girl tells me I'm not trying hard enough to get her a brother or sister? And I just feel numb and tired. I went back to work last week because I hated dwelling on things alone at home. Everyone tells me I'm brave..I'm beginning to wonder if I'm some kind of control freak to keep putting myself through this. I've always loved the idea of having two or three kids. Anyone interested in my dilehma?

Hi, I just had my first m/c (first pregnancy) 3 weeks ago. I realy dont know how you managed through it all. I would love to have a child but I dont think I could go through that another 5 times. You realy are strong!! I am reading all the things that women have to go through and it just makes me think more and more that we are realy extraordinary. I dont think however that you need to have another child if you are tired with all this. You are blessed to have your daughter and I guess adoption could be another option. However if you realy want to try again I think you should do it, but do it only because you want to. Your husbant and daughter will understand if you choose not to ( your daughter a bit later maybe). I wish you the best of luck with all my heart whatever you deside.

lol

tania

I'm sorry to hear about your mc. I don't suppose it helps to know that its so common to mc first time. My daughter was my second pregnancy after mc one. How old are you. I was about 29 with my first mc.
I'm sure you wont need to try 5 times, Keep positive. Thanks for your great advise and for replying.

I am 32 so not very young but hopfully young enough to have a healthy baby with a bit of luck

I would also like to have at least a couple but we have to wait and c! The only problem is that I have pcos so it took 8 months to get pregnant, and it can take even longer the next time. I am trying to be positive but sometimes I am realy scared that it will never happen. It's great though to be able and talk to other women that have been through the same thing. Thanks for the reply, I hope everything works out for you

lol

tania

I think youre definitely a strong person, and as long as youre able to bare it maybe you should until your body stops. everyone is different. I also had an ectopic and lost a tube at 21, we didnt try for many years as i wasnt ready to then we tried just this year and i had m/c now pregnant again and alls not going smooth. Ive said if i lost this one i dont know if i could try again. You have one so maybe thats confirmation your body can carry a child. To have lost 5 and still keep going shows you have a lot of determination. Its a tough one. Losing a child even at a few weeks is not easy, no matter how people act like you should just get over it. Ive been pregnant 3 times and have no babies to show for it if this one doesnt work out it really makes me doubt i can carry one at all. I know i can get pregnant, when we started trying it took 4 months then after m/c just 2, but like i say no point being fertile if you cant carry it. I dont think youre a control freak, youre just a woman who loves kids its natural and its so frustrating when you want something so bad, its happened before and you wonder why is my body so cruel. Good luck with whatever you decide i hope things go well for you. I know how you feel about useless doctors, my ectopic unthoughtfully ruptured on xmas night and they kept me sedated until boxing day when someone could be bothered to turn up by which time it had fully ruptured and i lost ridiculous amounts of blood and the resident surgeon or whoever he was, who didnt even do my surgery then made me feel I was to blame. Bunch of a**holes im sorry to say.

Thanks for your reply, it was really kind of you to write. How far are you into your pregnancy? I've actually had 6 losses not five. I can't quite believe it myself! You've had a really rough ride too. I'm so sorry you had such a horrific ectopic experience. How old are you? Have they done all the usual tests with you?

Ive had no tests done we will find out what happens when i go to docs on thurs i suppose i think this time ill be taken more seriously as i had blood spotting. The surgeon who operated on my told me next time im pregnant go straight away make an appointment get a scan. i did so, told doc and response i got well theres nothing we can do! nothing they can do until what it ruptures and i lose any hope of a child? wow medical science. Woman at ectopic helpline said thats nonsense and she shouldnt have said that. I think after 2 babies they might check me out this time. Did you have a lot of tests done? I hate all that prodding and poking. I wouldnt go at all if i wasnt scared for my baby. I was 7 weeks yesterday (by online calculator so not exactly accurate!) and im 23 lost one baby at 21 and 1 at 23 thats all please. Ive already said if i lose this im not trying again, i cant stand the stress, so if you keep going i have GOT to take my hat off to you. Sorry for rambling!

You live an hour away from me! I've had every test going, they don't know whats wrong. I had this theory that maybee something was wrong with my tube. I'm a reflexologist and it always showed up!They never tested them, even though I asked them to! I was secretly hopeful that now one tube is gone the other will be good.
But reading here seems to suggest the opposite for lots.
At seven weeks Keep hopeful now, think positive and take things easy.Some experts suggest taking asprin, ask your Dr about that!There are loads of tests for you in the near future, they could easily find some answers for you, your young enough! tell them what you want and reserche whats available for you? Do you have scanty periods for example? Did you have really bad period pains when you were yunger or still even. Do you have a pain when you ovulate?

really, where are you? and thats so odd, because when i was pregnant first time with ectopic i was studying holistic therapies in college and on reflexology segment and whenever someone pressed the tube where baby turned out to be it was tender!it was very freaky now i think about it obviously at time dont even consider it. I dont know when they took out my one tube they said they inspected the other and there didnt seem to be any scarring or damage. And i had 2nd pregnancy in womb so dont know if between then and now something could have happened was only 4 months ago.
My periods have always been quite normal, from when i was young til now were a mix of heavyish one month, light the next. Hardly ever had bad period pain which is weird as my mum suffered terribly was practically crippled each month. I notice now when i think im ovuating i wouldnt say its pain but i do feel something in my tube and empty side. i have fingers crossed, i think my m/c in march the baby died about now as scan i had day before i m/c showed sac was 6+4 when i shouldve been 9 weeks at that point. But i had stopped having symptoms long before which is a sign. Im still feeling sick to my stomach so thats a good sign!

Swansea. I'm a holistic therapist! Nauseous sounds positive? I was only ever really sick with my full term P. From day one. My daughter was worth all of the sickness of course. If the Dr's give me the go ahead I am going to try for pregnancy 8. I'm scared but I'm going to do it! I've always felt that I had some kind of a blockage, so back of my mind, I'm now hoping, maybe the blockage is gone with the tube removal.I've had atrocious period pains since I was 14. Really heavy periods for the last five years or so. Crippling ovulating pain every month last 2 years or so. I feel like I lost my thirties to this cause!And they cant find anything wrong. i dont think they've looked hard enough.

I say good luck. Its terrifying i would think ive lost 2 and now on third im scared senseless so i cant imagine how it is for you but at least you have your wonderful baby to look at and think i did it once and it could be lucky number 8. Yeah i heard having the symptoms was a good thing but i dont know im getting feelings that make me doubt it and the nausea has been dying down last few days i dont feel positive. theres always adoption i suppose and really i always planned to adopt, i wanted my own child but feel there are so many unwanted babies out there to love. I hope it works out for you now really you deserve it.

hi there
i totally no how you feel i had a eptopic nearly 3 yrs ago and in the result i had my tube removed.i dont think you will ever get it out of your system i was only 25 when mine was removed but we decided to try for another baby it took me 17 month to concive again but sadly i m/c.your not mad you just want a couple of kids and hey why shouldnt you.i think im bad but poor you how much youve been throu.but alls i can say to you if you want something bad enough yoll get it in the end,the way i look at it is i wont be beaten i will have a baby it mite take some years but ill get there.and hun its gotta be your turn soon
tc linzi

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, you made me feel really supported!