hi,

I had a miscarriage in august 2007. It had taken us 2 and half years to conceive and I'd never been happier
when I found out I was expecting. I was sick 4/5 times a day and felt very poorly all the time. I went for my 12 week scan and there was no heartbeat. My partner and I were left in the room with the screen on while the student sonographer 'fetched her colleague' to confirm a miscarriage. They said it was 10 weeks, 5 days, but my calculations said I was 12 weeks. I had to have a d and c because it was a missed miscarriage (I'd had no bleeding and still felt pregnant. It was such an ordeal because I had to have the d and c in the daycase unit where no visitors were allowed so I was completely on my own.

I just wanted to start trying for a baby straight away, but my body was messed up and still is, having irregular bleeding and weird periods,etc. I've been backwards and forwards to the doctors, had scans, been referred to the gynaecologist, all of which have done nothing for me. Emotionally I have been a wreck and to make it worse there are some pregnant women at work and some that have already had their babies. Every month my period is an ordeal and I feel such a failure that I can't conceive or keep a pregnancy. I have succeeded in pushing my partner away, our sex life has gone downhill and we have reached a point where we are talking about splitting up. Many people have said I should be back to normal now, emotionally and physically, but it's just not the case. I don't know how to move on from this and feel very isolated.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Thankyou for your replies. It's good to know that I'm not alone and others have gone through the same thing. I think I will go for counselling as I can get it through work. I'm sorry for your losses. Lisa

i m/c last nov, natural complete one so nowhere near as traumatic as what you are going through.

Never the less i found it incredibly hard to go through and my relationship suffered in that we stopped talking about and i just had feelings of resentment building up inside me. I hated myself as although i knew it was wrong i felt a failure and that i had let people down, i got to the point where i was in total despair and couldn't stop breaking down. Luckily my colleagues were very supportive and encouraged me to go to counselling which was a total godsend. The freedom to talk and for my feelings to be acknowledged was just what i needed.

You absolutely shouldn't be expected to be over it emotionally and perhaps (although i'm no expert or doctor) your emotional state is having some effect on you physically.

My advice to you would be to seek counselling, it certainly can't do any harm and i am sure it will really help you.

Good luck honey, let me know how you get on x x x

I just had my miscarriage 4 and a half weeks ago. I was also 12 weeks and the day before my scan I started bleeding and miscarried within 4 hours in the A&E. It did take a while for us to conseive (about 8 months, not as long as you) but I suffer from pcos so next time can be even longer plus the fact that I am 32.. My cycle is not back to normal yet, I chart my bbt and my temps are all over the place. Its all a big mess realy..I have 3 of my best friends pregnant and 2 of them are due a couple of weeks before of what it would have been my due date. You are not alone honey, if you read this forum and many others a lot of women have to go through all that every day.

I would speak to your partner and explain to him how you feel, maybe take a holiday together. If you love each other you will get through it...everyone goes through bad times and no relationship is perfect..

Plus I would not worry about those that think you should be back to normal..what is normal?? They dont know what it feels like and every person is different in how they deal with bad situations. Give yourself a break, at the end of the day its not your fault you miscarried..

lol

Tania