The most traumatic week of my life!

Hi all

Wish I wasn't posting such a miserable post but I am sat at home alone for the first time since getting back from hospital this weekend and need to share my story.

I got married in April and was delighted to find out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, it was something we had been planning for a year and we were so excited. Last saturday (10 days ago) I had a small bleed and went to a&e where they took blood tests and booked me in for a scan last Tues. I stopped bleeding and had no pain so was reasonably calm and thought things would be ok but the scan showed a sac which was way too small for the amount of pregnancy hormones and no heartbeat. I then had to spend 3 nights in hospital as they thought it must be ectopic as I was still very much pregnant with strong pregnancy hormones in my blood tests. During this time I was put on tamazipan as I was struggling to cope with the differing opinions from the doctors and the fear of surgery and as they kept telling me I could be two hours from death if the pregnancy ruptured!

In the end they put a camera in on Friday, didn't find the baby in my tubes luckily but had to do a dnc as the pregnancy was obviously not viable.

I am now getting over the physical element although I am still very sore but the week I had last week and the fact that I have lost a baby (my first) is so much to deal with.

I am (as everyone seems to) having to deal with stupid comments like "you'll be ok it's just your hormones" and "enjoy your time off!" etc and I am getting to the point where I don't want to talk to anyone apart from my best friend who lost a baby last year and of course my amazing husband.

I am off to the docs this afternoon to get signed off for next week too as the hospital only gave me a week and I am concerned that he won't sign me off and say that I should just get back to normal. I know that as soon as I go back my boss will just want me to get back to it as she isn't very maternal or sympathetic so I need to be 100% before I go and feel I need a another week to do this.

I know that it was just one of those things and we will try again as soon as we feel ready but I am feeling extremely low and would love to hear from people who may have been through a similar experience.

So very sorry

Hi there. I'm so very sorry to hear of your ordeal. I can empathise with the horrors of being hospitalized over this - it all adds to the trauma and from experience am aware that the manner in which the staff deal with the whole situation can in itself be quite harrowing.
I've had four miscarriages in the past, so may be able to offer a few words which I hope will inspire and lift a little, although I'm aware that right now nothing will seem to make things at all better - I'd say that at present you are in what I refer to as the 'dark days'. This awful all encompassing darkness I reckon is down to the hormone withdrawal. My husband could never understand why my always positive outlook which has seen me through some really duff situations failed me immediately after a miscarriage, and the only thing that lifted the darkness was a couple of days of being left to feel miserable. (My theory of the time taken for the hormones to start to rebalance). All of a sudden the black darkness turned grey and got paler and paler and finally I was then able to 'get back in the saddle' and my determination to succeed in the end would return.
You sound like a very reasonable, strong and well balanced person and shouldn't feel worried about needing more time off work. You'll know when it's right to return. And if you only want to talk to your husband and best friend, do just that! I would however, try to spoil yourself a little when you're feeling up to it, a few new undies, a haircut etc. it may seem trivial but it all counts towards the 'bright outlook'.
Also, don't panic about my stats! four miscarriages may seem alot, but when you balance that over four healthy children and another one in the early stages, and add to the fact that I'm no spring chicken, it doesn't look so bad!
Sorry if I've rambled on a bit, and I really do wish you well. XXXXX

Thank you

Hi

Thank you for your email, that really did hit the nail on the head, I too have been through some pretty awful times and managed to keep my chin up but I am really struggling. Today however I have blow dried my hair for the first time and I have decided to keep the hairdresser appt I have tomorrow to get my hair cut and coloured for my friends wedding. My hubbie has agreed to drive me there and stay with me to help me in and out of the chairs and I have called ahead to my hairdresser to explain what has happened.

I had an awful moment yesterday when I started crossing out the appts from my diary for the scan etc and realised that my baby was due on Mothering Sunday next year, that is bound to be a very difficult day!

I have found that as I am starting to get better physically I am thinking much more about the events of last week. When i go to bed at night I spend about an hour trying to stop things whizzing round my head but my mind will jump from the heart sinking scan to waiting at home for the phone call about my blood tests to crying when I overheard one of the nurses talking about her pregnancy and cravings etc (she was 12 weeks pregnant) to coming to after the operation in so much pain they had to give me morphine. It is all going to keep replaying for a while I suppose just like any traumatic experience.

Thank god for forums like this as I have been offered zero support from the hospital and my GP.

Oh my goodness.

There are of course no words. You have had a really tough time and i so sympathize with you. I had a m/c at the end of may and was inconsolable. The only thing i could do was tell myself than things weren't right and that it was far better to go then than have probs or m/c later. Or having to make the decision to terminate the pregnancy or worse still not having a choice if very near the end. I am so sorry this has happened, I could tell you time is a great healer but unfortunately you have to get to that point yourself.
If you need another week off i think you are very justified to do so. I took an extra week and in fact i did as it was the first week of june so scorching hot and i just lay on my sunlounger all day and got an awesome tan! Of course i would have rather have had a baby in my tummy but this is me trying to look on the brightside. I decided to get on with trying the next month and although the last 2 haven't worked i am hopeful that a baby or 2 is in my future!!! In the meantime i am planning at least one thing a month to look forward to - a weekend at a spa, a few nights out with the girls a trip to the theatre, a shopping trip even a long walk in the outdoors at the weekend. I have a holiday planned so if i fell in the next 2 months i wouldn't want to fly so far in the early stages so would have to cancel!
Whilst I didn't have the trauma of a hospital stay i know about the emotions you must be feeling. I still think that i would have been 15 weeks by now and i would be starting to relax! I can't even go to the cafe i used to go to as the last time i was there was just before i went home to take the test and got my BFP. I suffer from dwelling on the past and fearing the future. Instead i am really working on focusing on the present day and that the future is exciting not something to be afraid of.
Your boss need not know what has happened to you, its not her business and she can't hold this against you. But i can appreciate when you are feeling vulnerable you may not feel strong enought to face up to her and tell her so.

All i can do is send you hugs and wish you the very best. you neeed to take care of yourself, your OH must be suffering to an extent too, he would probably do anything to take away the pain, but this is one thing he cannot fix. it has prob brought back memories for your friend too. Take care of each other, stay positive and look forward to your next BFP.

Lots of love,
Ems. xx

Thank you

Thank you for your reply Ems. The doctor signed me off for another week with no questions asked, he even offered me another week on top which I declined, I think I was just worrying about nothing which is easy to do at the moment.

I am trying to look forward to things although trying to arrange a day out at the weekend is becoming tricky because my husbands work place have asked him to put in some hours over the weekend which I find really unfair seeing as he is trying to come to terms with it all too. He has been coming home from work on time to make me dinner then having to log back on to his laptop and work for a couple of hours from home.

My best friend is getting married at the end of August and I am her bridesmaid and my hubbie is an usher so we are trying to focus on that plus we have a holiday booked in Sept. We didn't book anything abroad as we thought I would be pregnant but I am trying to focus on the fact that I can drink and not worry about what I am eating etc (although this is a minor consolation).

I know that we will try again as soon as possible but it is all so scary.

I was meant to have my first midwife appt yesterday but instead I was at the doctors having my surgery wound checked, that was a bit upsetting as it was in my diary as a midwife appt, I suppose I will have few of these moments in the next few months. On my best friends wedding day I would have been 12 weeks on the nose.

I am not one to dwell on things so i am hoping I can lift myself out of this lull soon.

Good luckx