Hello,

This must be a very hard time for you right now.

Can I ask if you thought about a termination before your Brother and Sister-In-Law added their opinion?

I feel that every women has a choice and quite rightly so however, I feel that you are already emotionally attached and it may end up being the wrong choice if you abort.

Don't worry about finding yourself another partner just yet .. take the Dad and any future partners out of the equation. This is about you, your little boy and the child you may have ... can you cope? Financially you will cope .. everyone does. You may not be able to lead a lavish life but as they grow up you will be able to provide more and more.

If you are concerend about the Dad being involved in your life for ever more then there are places and people you can go to for advice. This should also not play a part in your choice... this is your baby and you will be able to protect it if you have it.

The questions here is about you and your feelings.

With regard to other peoples advice, depression can hit you if you have the baby or not. This is something you will have to deal with if, and only if it happens... please do not think if you have a termination you will be depressed because you may not.

Think about if you already love this child, if you do .. perhaps you should think about keeping it.

I have aborted before and am fine for it .. I have also been on the other end and after considering an abortion kept the Baby ... turns out it was the little girl I was hoping for.

I hope to hear from you soon.

XXX Kelli XXX

Have rewritten this a few times now, as it's so hard to explain how I feel. Basically I am 11 weeks pregnant and was living with the father and my little boy from a previous relationship, when last week he left and has made it very clear he's not coming back and logically it would make sense for me to have a termination. I'm utterly devestated.

I haven't told anyone except my brother and his wife and they both think it would be incredibly stupid to continue with the pregnancy given that my now ex is not a nice person (they have never liked him) has been prone to violence in the past and will never provide any kind of support (emotional or financial) for this child. They just want me to be happy and move on and find somene who is good for me and feel that with two children by two different dads people will judge me and that I won't cope (again emotionally or financially). I see their points and completely agree but they don't seen to understand how much distress this decision is causing me.

It's so hard, I feel so alone with all this. I had a termination 10 years ago and regretted it so much - but the circumstances were different and I know there was no good reasons for me not to have that child. This time there are - those above and that my last pregnancy was complicated and I could have died, fortunately I had a brilliant doctor, but I'm scared to leave my little boy without a mum, his dad never really wanted to know, and his 'step-dad' has just left him too.

Anyway sorry for the length of this and the typos, am having a really hard time with this today,

Sam x

Thank-you to everyone who answered, I really didn't expect such support and it's been really touching and I feel much stronger and happier

Sam xxx

im a single mum i have 2 kids to 2 dads, and last week i had an abortion cos i couldnt handle yet another daddy who didnt care.yes there is a stigma attached to us mum like this, but to be honest not too different than having just the one child.I felt just like you with my 2nd child, and the father decided when i was 15wks pregnant he no longer wanted the baby.He was very like your ex from the sounds of it.But i kept the baby and she is now 3.5yrs and she is just the light of my life, she is everything gorgeous and much much more, i cant imagine life without her.Her dad doesnt see her anymore, and yes i went thru a hard time realising im solely responsible for these 2 children....but then i have to stop and ask myself would i really want it any other way?
There is no easy choice each road is a hard one....abortion for some doesnt mean we can just move on, it will always stay with us....vice versa the responsibilty of a child is a lifetime.Good luck with your decsion just wanted to offer support that there are other mums out there in your situation.

i just wanted say you are sooo strong and that it doesnt matter what other people can do for your child its what you can do if your capable of loving caring for and looking after another child then do it .... ok you may have to truggle with money and people may disagree with your decision but thats for them to sort out not you your having your baby and thats all that matters. people always come around evetually and i think your doing the right thing just spend a few weeks ajusting to the thought of having another and im sure itll all be fine. hugs hun. i was in nearly the same situation a few weeks back and decided to keep my baby my mil wasnt happy and no one in the family agreed with me but so what im now 25 weeeks gone and theyare argueing over whos buying what and my oh who is a total pain and waste of time is aslo strting to grow up i think and hes getting involved this time as with the last he ran off with someone else and wasnt interested. hope things work out hun mail me anytime
sam x

Hi

Thank-you all for your posts, I had a long think about it and am also staying in bed lat night. Have not told the father I've hanged my mind as he told me last night he thought I should have a termination beause he wants more children with someone he loves and wants to be with, which I thought was cruel. I will tell him eventually but for now it's better not to have contat while I get myself sorted out.

Thanks again

Sam x

Hello,

This must be a very hard time for you right now.

Can I ask if you thought about a termination before your Brother and Sister-In-Law added their opinion?

I feel that every women has a choice and quite rightly so however, I feel that you are already emotionally attached and it may end up being the wrong choice if you abort.

Don't worry about finding yourself another partner just yet .. take the Dad and any future partners out of the equation. This is about you, your little boy and the child you may have ... can you cope? Financially you will cope .. everyone does. You may not be able to lead a lavish life but as they grow up you will be able to provide more and more.

If you are concerend about the Dad being involved in your life for ever more then there are places and people you can go to for advice. This should also not play a part in your choice... this is your baby and you will be able to protect it if you have it.

The questions here is about you and your feelings.

With regard to other peoples advice, depression can hit you if you have the baby or not. This is something you will have to deal with if, and only if it happens... please do not think if you have a termination you will be depressed because you may not.

Think about if you already love this child, if you do .. perhaps you should think about keeping it.

I have aborted before and am fine for it .. I have also been on the other end and after considering an abortion kept the Baby ... turns out it was the little girl I was hoping for.

I hope to hear from you soon.

XXX Kelli XXX

dearest sam
mabye this is your second chance, from what you had to deal with 10 years ago,your scars are still there and by the sound of it still fresh and adding a weight to your heart.
if you are the only one there for your little boy right now, then who is going to hold things together for you and him if you have a termination and have to deal with double the weight and the pain. it seems that even the only one's you feel you can confide in-your brother and sister in law-you still can't confide in about how you trully feel, so I doubt they will be much help in the time after if you do choose to go down the painful route of aborting your baby. who will you be able to talk with or cry with, who will help you heal?
"...it would be incredibly stupid to continue with the pregnancy given that my now ex is not a nice person (they have never liked him) has been prone to violence in the past and will never provide any kind of support (emotional or financial) for this child. They just want me to be happy and move on and find somene who is good for me and feel that with two children by two different dads people will judge me and that I won't cope (again emotionally or financially)..."-how is any of this your sweet little baby's fault? it played no part in the horrible actions of the man who was it's biological father. so it should definately not have to pay a price for his actions or inactions.
as for the last part of your worries quoted here, would you really want to be involved with or committed to a man who was/is going to judge you? I don't think so. you want a man who will accept you for who you are...wobbly bits and all. to quote bridget jonesplus, just consider how many people you know have slept with atleast two people? there are very few men out there with such a low number so who are they to judge in the first place (trust me, I'm not condoning sleeping around, I just want you to realise that most people just don't have the kids but they have over and above the numbers)
by next week this baby will already be perfectly formed, he just needs to be nurtured and given lots of love!

as for your medical worries, there are many pregnancies that have defied doctors warnings, I read just the other day of a woman who was told she would die if she carried the baby she was pregnant with and yet there was not a worry during her entire pregnancy or delivery and she and her baby are perfect health.I was told that there were so many things wrong with me that I probably wouldn't fall pregnant or be able to carry a child, but I fell pregnant first try and not a single prob the whole way through the pregnancy and delivery. doctors will do everything possible for your baby if they have to take him/her out from 24 weeks and they are little fighters when they know they are loved, so if you are in real danger, they can help you both.

don't you think your baby deserves a fighting chance?

thinking of you and I'm here if you need to chat...

Hi Sam,

Can I try to break down the things you wrote above and look at them point by point.

People Judging: I know its hard, but at the end of the day it really does not matter what other people think when you can recognise your own dignity and worth. A thicker skin is required here. If you find a heroic man who is willing to take you on with 1 kid, then the same qualities are required to take you on with 2 kids. Your prince charming is out there, just be patient and hold out until he comes along, and keep away from the bloody toads. You are worth more than that.

Previous Abortion: You still have emotional scars from this one. I would be afraid that a second abortion will just make it all worse. You have to be emotionally strong and above all stable for your little lad, and coping with the trauma of abortion might be very hard again. I have said here before that it must be easier to cope with a small baby than a big depression.
As for good reasons, I dont think there exists a good enough reason to take tiny human life. This child is totally innocent and should not have to pay for his or her fathers crimes.

Health: Find a good doctor and take good care of yourself during this pregnancy. It sounds like your ex was a big emotional and energy drain on you. With him out of the way and a small baby to look forward to you might find that you will bounce back and have more time to take care of yourself and less stress. Just be really sure to go to your appointments, and to get to the surgery any time you feel you need to, even if it ends up being lots of false alarms, your health and that of your unborn child are paramount. Just keep yourself monitored, and should the need arise that your pregnancy puts you in mortal danger you can be induced to have it earlier. This is not the same as abortion, but the need for this procedure is almost rarer than hen's teeth.

Your brother and his wife are entitled to their opinion, but I guess they dont know what abortion really entails. This child is yours, not just your exes, so dont be pressured by them to abort. You and your current and future children are the ones who will be living with the consequences, not your brother.

Take care dear heart
Siobhan