i am so so confused. i need advise from some one. i dont need judging for what ive done or may do. because that will only make me feel even more depressed about what has happened. so please donot reply to this message being nasty. i can manage being nasty to myself.

the story goes....

i have been with my party about seven months. we have just got back from travelin europe... so both looking for work.
last week i found out i was pregnant. complete and utter shock as i was on the pill. but in some way i was happy. my partner isnt. says he wants me to get a termination. if not he thinks well crack under the pressure and split up. we are both 23 and both have no jobs. the sensible thing to do i think would be to get a termination... im booked in for my first consultation on the 11th of march ... there is only one problem. im not entirely sure if i can go thru with it. but as i said i am not finacially stable and will raise child on my own.
the other thing is (this is what i dont want people responding with nasty texts to cos im depressed enough as it it) - before i found out i was pregnant i had alcohol and drugs. so im scared that even if i keep baby i will have damaged it . im just so lost. ideally i want to keep this baby. but there is so much against me keeping it

...that isn't what this site is about. we all see the world through our own perspective, affected by our own individual experiences in life and we simply want to do as you ask!we want to try help give you some advice. somethimes just looking at something from a different perspective can help you see your situation with different eyes. help you realise/acknowledge or understand it differently.

First, your partner.Fact is, every relationship goes through trials, difficulties and problems. If it isn't this then it will be something next week, next month or the month after. If you can't cope under the pressure of this then you have to ask yourself, what is likely to happen when you come under the next problem? if he is telling you now that he can't take the pressure then how do you know he will stick by you if the next problem can't be "swept under the rug/erased"? Plus if you read the postings of a lot of the women on this site (post abortion)you will see that there are issues you are going to have to face after the abortion. you are going to be dealing with so much and you have no assurance that he will stick by you during the difficult times after you have gone through this. And that will not only leave you minus one beautiful baby and one man whom you took your baby out of your life to keep. it will add greatly to the heart ache and pain that you will be experiencing plus you will have to deal with the pain of a break up and that of having gotten rid of your child for nothing then.

Next, no job-a pregnancy takes 9 months, you could easily find yourself a job by then or even do part time work, save as much as you can to carry you through the first while after the baby is born and then go look for a job, if you are worried that you won't get decent employment because of the pregnancy.

You will find that once this baby is here you will do whatever it takes to look after and provide for it. that is the amazing strength and drive that arrives with the title of mom.

mistakes-there are women who have made the simple mistake of eating the wrong thing and lost their baby or had it affect the child greatly and on the other hand there are women who have done worse than you all the way through their pregnancy, deliberately and yet their child has come out unharmed. (please, I am not condoning reckless living at all) you need to realise that yes, there might be consequences to your actions and unfortunately the price might be paid by your baby. but the big chance is that it will come out totally fine and more importantly-you will love your baby with your whole heart, regrdless of your worries about this child, when you lay eyes on him/her for the first time, they will seem perfect to you!!and you will never be able to imagine life without your precious child from that moment on. regardless what difficulties might lie ahead.

your head vs your heart-sometimes the "sensible thing" isn't always the thing that will make you happy, or necessarily the right thing!! you have stated your self that "I'm not entirely sure if I can go through with it", this alone should be setting off alarm bells in your head. you aren't 110% certain, you should not be putting a foot into that office, even for a first consultation. because what you will have to deal with afterwards will tear you up inside and that pain will be something that you will carry for the rest of your life. The questions, the what ifs?? will fill your day and your mind.the pain and regret will cause so many other issues in your life hun and for what?? to keep a man who isn't even willing to commit to you or even stand by you? is it worth it?and you said "ideally I want to keep this baby". sore truth is that this is definately not an ideal world, not even close, and it never will be unfortunately. your situation will never be 'perfect enough to bring a child into', if you wait for that day the longing in your heart to be a mom will never be fulfilled! we simply have to assess the situation that we are in and decide how we can make it the best possible for our child. and I have no doubt that you will do that for your child. the true currency that a child understands is love, that is vital to them, and I can see from your post that your heart is already full of it for your child!!

I believe you will make a wonderful mom to this beautiful baby inside of you right now.

I hope that I have helped you see that things are not as difficult as they may appear to be.
( I would encourage you aswell to read a few posts on the site, there other women who were facing the same struggles as you wrt the babys father or finance and they came through so much stronger on the other end after deciding to keep their baby and overcame the obstacles, it might encourage you to hear real stories of triumph!plus although it will be hard perhaps you should read some of the stories of regret from women who were in your situation aswell, might help you realise what you will probably be in for if you go through with this)
I am here if you would like to talk or moan or anything,
take care, thinking of you
love kerry xxx

Hi Hun,

The thing is that if you do have an abortion you will probably split with your partner anyway. It would be very hard for you to forgive your man for not standing by his child.

About the alcohol and drugs, obviously not the best, but you did not know you were pregnant at the time. Babies are pretty tough, and it is unlikely that you did any damage, so try not to beat yourself up about this. Try to remain calm. I know this is asking a lot.

The important thing is that you want to keep this baby. You are tougher than you think, you just need a little hope. The things that are against you keeping your baby may seem important and scary right now, but break them down and deal with them one at a time. The saying about how to eat an elephant comes to mind. Compared to the precious life of your child they will in time become meaningless.

For a little hope, go see the movie Juno - its out right now.

Take care

Siobhan xx

You should be ashamed of yourself, this forum is for women to support each other and you don't belong here as you don't know the meaning of the word support. I hope the moderators ban you, this forum is not a platform for your prolife views and words like 'murder' have no place here. By the way I have never had a termination and am currently pregnant but unlike you I am not egotistical enough to believe my views should be imposed on others. Yours comments are inflammatory and insensitive in the extreme and I suggest you take a good long look in the mirror and ask yourself whether you have the right to make this heartbreaking decision even harder for the women going through it.

the moderators appear to have removed the post from this woman (thankyou) so my response won't make much sense to anyone reading but made me so angry I had to reply. Apologies to anyone (especially rachie851) reading who wondered what I'm on about. Take care all,

love, Clare xxx

hi...it must be a very hard decision and i know it seems impossible to be able to have a baby in your situation but there is so much help out there...you will manage, and you will get by. I have a 15month old daughter and i had her when i was 16. My family was completely against me having her...told me to have an abortion...but i didn't want one. id just finished school so had no money or job if my bf wouldnt have stuck by me i would of had no where to live...but i knew i wanted that baby. i was lucky to have my bf but at the time he had no job so it was hard...but we got by.By the time she was born my family had come round to the idea and helped me out so much! I also had a brilliant friend...who i couldnt have done it without. Your decision must be very hard but do what feels right for you. I had an abortion when i was 15 (very young i knw). It was with the same bf we been together 5years...but i was on the pill...i knew at 15 still at school it wasnt the right time...i wasnt mature enough. Afterwards though i regretted it. I still do to this day and have never forgiven myself...and after suffering a miscarriage last month after ttc i felt that was my punishment. I hope you make the right choice...the one thats right for you.
aimee +6week bump xx