Is there anybody who can offer any advice. I have a five year old daughter and during that pregnancy/until she reached around 2.5 years old, my life was absolute hell. Work, my mother, my GP and my husband (who bit my head off daily) were all unsupportive and the feelings of isolation/loneliness were beyond belief. However as time went on I began to get on better with my husband and started to think about having a brother/sister for my daughter. The problem came the minute I even thought I was pregnant when I just knew would not be able to cope if I went to that dark place again. I therefore booked myself in for a medical termination when I was just 3 wks pregnant (5 wks from the date of my last period). I thought this was the best thing for my psychological well-being as I knew I'd not be able to cope with a pregnancy all over again. I went to one of the well known clinics and wasn't given any counselling beforehand, but now I feel that I'm in bits. Rather than be the solution to the problem, its caused more problems than it has solved. I saw a baby the other day and burst into tears and, having read so many people's comments saying that it's something you never get over, I can't help wondering if I should get pregnant again to avoid having a gaping whole in my life. It's been 6 weeks now and I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning due to my feelings of guilt/sadness/regret.
Please do not condemn me - I feel bad enough already - but can anybody give me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

this sounds so similar to me, as soon as i found out i was pregnant i knew i couldn't carry on with it. Mainly because i already have two children and i am on my own. I had my termination five weeks ago now when i was nine weeks gone, not a day has gone by without me crying about what i have done, and i wonder if i have caused more problems than if i had carried on with the pregnancy. I started counselling last week ,but i was so upset i could hardly speak. maybe you could get some to see if it helps you, i realy think they should give more pre counselling to women as so many seem to regret their decision, i sure do at the moment. Hope that things get better for you, if you want to talk you can send me a private message.

i wouldnt suggest you becoming preg again remember why you had the termination in the first place an what if you become preg again an all those feelings come back of knowing you cant cope what then hun another termination??

i think you need to give yourself some time maybe seek some help in getting over the termination first and then maybe you will be able to move foward and make some proper decions as to your future an whether another baby is right for you and i think you need the support of your hubby first before adding another baby.

tc shell x

Sorry for sounding so down, but rather than get better, I feel like I'm getting worse. One minute I'm fine, then the next I'm overwhelmed by feelings of grief and feel unable to cope. I know everybody reacts differently, but is this normal, and how long will it be before I start to feel even slightly better? I'm now very aware that having a termination was the worst thing I could have done, and would welcome any advice aboutmoving forward.

i am going through the same - i am ok one minute and then in tears the next.. it has been seven weeks and i find it so hard.. It was all unplanned and my bf went crazy as he has a child already.. said he couldn't go ahead it and it had to be 'sorted'!
I just feel that I wish i'd been stronger and did what i wanted rather than what he wanted or what friends said was 'best for me!' it wasn't best for me! i get so upset around children and baby things.
boyfriend was supportive for a day or two but then had his little girl to stay and so couldn't see me.. it was so hard... I told very few people - my family don't know - except for my dad. I just wish i'd talked to my mum.. but she wasn't well at the time and stil isn't so i couldn't.
I'm 34 so what if that was my one chance of a baby?! it makes me soooo sad..
I know nothing i can do but if anyone can give advice on how to come to terms with it i'd appreciate it.
It's affecting everything - my work is suffering - and people just seem to think i should be over it by now.. but i'm not.

Thanks for your response Shell. I fully understand what you are saying, but I just wish I'd never had the termination - anything would be better than what I'm feeling now, and maybe I would have coped/got used to the idea. I look at my daughter and just think that there should be another one with her - and the baby wouldn't even have been due until the Summer, so how will I feel then? The daft thing is that from the minute I was pregnant I felt so ill and was sure that the pregnancy wouldn't have gone full term anyway. Either that or there was something wrong. But because I 'had a hand' in ending it, there's this enormous amount of guilt to deal with. As far as giving myself time goes, the problem there is that I'm 39 and so haven't got that luxury. Does everybody who has an abortion have this weight with them forever, or do some people get over it and accept that it was for the best/move on?

Can I just add that I wish I'd found this website before having my termination. Abortion seems to be a subject which isn't openly discussed, and just having people on this website to ask/discuss it with, would probably have meant that I'd never have had it done in the first place.

I just wish I'd seen all your entries sooner!!

i do truly no how you feel i will tel you my story!
well i have 3 kids age 10,7,6 and i split with there dad 2 years ago due to just falling out of love as we had been together sooo long i then met someone else who promised me the world an that he would look after me an so on well he didnt have any children of his own an he asked me would i have anymore i said i would have to think about it as i thought i had my family, well i became preg a few months later not threw trying an i decided to just get on with it cos i THOUGHT i had the love an support from him well he left 3 weeks later an told me to do myself a favour!

well i did an i had a termination because i didnt want to bring anymore kids into the world with out a father aslo i couldnt afford another on my own!

i cried for weeks leading up an after the termination cos i felt so guilty that i made it happen just to take it away an theres not a day goes by i dont think about it i did crave my babe as im really maternal but it wwouldnt have been fair on any of us.

i have since met an fell in love with an amazing really maternal new partner who has taken on my kids an we were trying for a baby for 6 months and i actually had 2 miscarriges in that time an all i could think of was i was being punished for the past termination! i am curruntly 22wks preg with a little angel an i truly feel blessed!

all im saying really is make sure your 100% about what you want hun an that you are prepared mentally an have the full support around you if another baby is truly what you want.

all the best shellxxxx