Ok let me begin by saying I'm married. Well a close friend of mine was upset when his girlfriend broke up with him and me being the kind of person that wants to help make everyone happy, I agreed to go try to help him feel better, let him talk, whatever. Well we ended up having sex. I just found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and i haven't had sex in close to 3 months now- so I know whos baby it is. My husband, obviously, wont stay with me the father has 2 kids and is doing what he can for them and we agree we have our own lives and wont be together. So, despite spending my life against abortion, I have plans on going to the health department and taking the RU-486 pill to end the pregnancy. I'm sick about it, I can't sleep, I can't stop thinking about it, I don't know that I want to do it... no, I know I don't want to do it. But I want to keep my husband and have a child and family with him one day and not be a single mom living with my parents because of a stupid, screwed up mistake I made. I am on birth control- properly. I have been taking it and had been at the time I had sex with him. But I guess that I fell into that .1%, I'm just not sure how to handle it. Like the title says- I know what I would tell myself from an outside point... be a woman, take responsibility for what I did and have the child. But I'm not looking at it from an outside point- I'm looking at it from a confused, upset, sick with myself wife's point.

I went and talked to someone. We discussed the fact that I had been on birth control, and pain medication for my back for the past few months and how that could cause birth defects. We discussed my previous medical problems due to a car accident and my mental health problems. I believe the bipolar and post traumatic stress disorder (already having it) were two of the big fears as far as how I would handle having an abortion. However when everything was weighed out and looked at, in the office at least, she made it seem like abortion would be the best option.

I opted for medical abortion. I still smell that place, taste the second set of pills I took, and hate myself. I ended my babies life the day that I was given a second chance at life 5 years ago. I was in a bad car accident, spinal cord injury, intestinal injuries, and a 30% chance of living. But I did it AND still can walk. Yet I ended my babies life on that day and no one knows it but you all and the father of the child.

He is helping me, he is trying to make me feel better but nothing can right now. I made a mistake that will never leave me. I am horribly empty, sick, and upset. I still can't look back and see how it is I made a decision I was against since I knew what abortion was. I took the second set of pills at home that caused the bleeding and cramping and didn't hardly move off of the sofa yesterday. I am feeling a little bit better physically today and going to go see the dad so I can stop pretending to be okay for a little bit. I'm glad he is still beside me helping me I just wish I hadn't of had it done. I love kids, I WANT a baby- but I will never question why if I find out later in life that I can't get pregnant. I will know why if that should happen to me. And will deserve it. I just hope I can be forgiven and one day have a beautiful family with my husband. I am so sorry for everyone going through these feelings and emotions.

If you are second guessing going and having an abortion- please put a lot of thought into it. Your life will be changed.

help thinking that the counsellor only painted one side of the story for you. But whats done is done - its no use going over and over it. Please be kind to yourself. You have been through so much. I don't mean to be nosey but where is your hubby in all this? Surely he must know that something is up?

Take care

Hayley x

Hi.

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this pain after your abortion. It all seemed to happen so fast. You wrote only 3 days ago that you had just about decided against termination. Can I ask where you went to for counselling? Was it the counselling attached to the abortion clinic? Seems like your counsellor changed your mind for you. I am sad and angry on your behalf.

Siobhan XX

It was at the clinic where I spoke with someone. I had actually gone and spoke with someone before then and was still debating about it in my mind so this was my second time going and talking to someone before actually having it done. I'm slowly working on getting out of the house and feeling better- just not happening very fast.

I'm so sorry for the way you're feeling right now, it all seems to have happened so quickly. No-one can say whether you've done the right thing but I totally understand your reasons. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and I'm still here anytime you need a friendly, non-judgmental ear, please be kind to yourself as guilt will get you nowhere and the only person you need forgiveness from is yourself. You were stuck between a rock and a hard place and I so hope you can find a way to move forward from this. Take care,

love, Clare xxx

I don't know that I want to do it... no, I know I don't want to do it.

there is your answer!!In your own words

this must feel so confusing to you right now, so many thoughts and ideas going through your head must be eating you up, but you have answered the question for yourself already hun. I know you must want to be anywhere but in your situation, but believe me when I tell you that as tough as it seems to you right now, I know that there are many women who so badly would love to be in your situation, for one simple reason... you have a beautiful new life growing inside of you and that is more than some women will be blessed to experience in a lifetime, regardless of the circumstances leading to how it got there. I know that you are probably consumed of thoughts of how to cope right now. But can I encourage you to just take even one moment and just imagine....
close your eyes and imagine holding your baby in your arms, imagine smelling its hair, looking at it's tiny feet, having it wrap its whole hand around just one of your fingers and not even quite reaching try imagine a love so strong that it will give you the strength to overcome anything. doesn't thaat just put everything into perspective?? I know there are a million different worries and what if's and but you don't understand. but doesn't that image in your head just put it into perspective. Isn ... enough to make you forget all the other troubles and worries and fears? after all, that is really the heart of the issue. your baby and you. regardless of all that is going on and how that precious irreplaceable life got there in the first place, it is there now and that is the greatest blessing of life. there will be difficulties ahead, regardless of whatever way you choose to go. but please, there is a lot of wisdom in the other posts above with regard to honesty-speak to your husband, before you make any decisions. he may surprise you...even if he doesn't, you chose to make him part of your life and therefor he deserves to know.

take care hun,
kerry xxx

I was just diagnosed as being bipolar and having panic attacks- I'm not sure if I would handle being a single pregnant woman or losing the baby better though.

I'll apologise from the start cos I really have no idea what you should do but this is such a horrible situation to be in I couldn't not reply. We all make mistakes and it's heartbreaking that yours has such awful consequences for you, whichever decision you make. I've always believed in honesty and my instinct is to tell you to confess all to your husband in the hope that there is some solution which won't involve you losing him or your baby but I know it's not that simple. The fact that you've been diagnosed as bipolar means either decision could have horrific implications and the only real advice I can give you is to seek professional counselling and care immediately, you can't go through this alone hun. All I can really offer you is my total sympathy and I know that's no use but please PM me if you need a friendly ear to bend, I'm in tears just thinking of how hard this must be for you. Please take care of yourself, that has to be your first priority and I truly hope there's some way to sort this out.

Love and massive hugs,
Clare xxx

Thank you so much. I am going tomorrow to talk to a psychiatrist and get some advice. I don't think I could go through with it so will end up having to tell my husband. I just can't do it and live with myself but we will see what they help me figure out. Thank you again. I was so afraid people would become angry but needed some where to talk. I couldn't keep it all in any more.

Hi Lil ol you,

I would agree with Clare about the honesty thing with your husband. If you try to sweep all this under the carpet you will end up living a lie with your husband and coping with the grief of the abortion at the same time. This would be almost impossible for a person with nerves of steel, but add the whole bipolar thing into the mix and....well I dont think you want to go there.

The thing about anger and judgement is that we have all made mistakes which we regret in our lives. In trying to do a good thing for your friend ie comfort him, you ended up having relations with him. Well I suspect that you were in need of comfort aswell. I can imagine that with you not having intercourse with your husband for 3 months that either ye are having big problems or that he is away working. Either way I guess I am just saying that we are all human, and one thing can lead to another, especially when emotions are running so high.
(I admit that I did something similar a long time ago with a friend who was going through a depression - tried to cheer him up - ended up making everything worse!)


If you have any faith at all, then you have to ask why did this one act lead to the beginning of a human life?. Maybe we cannot totally control our own destiny and maybe we should not try to do so with such violent actions as abortion.

You said something to the effect that you worked in the past for the pro life movement. Well even though you now see from the inside how horribly difficult a crisis pregnancy can be, the fundamentals of abortion have not changed. The reasons you opposed it in the past are still valid. Also given the fact that you had such strong views before, you would be more likely to suffer great depression afterwards.

I get from your last message that you are moving away from the idea of abortion. I pray that the psychiatrist you attend is fully aware of the implications of abortion and not some kind of greying liberal feminist baby boomer. This is such a hot topic, but you alone will live with the main consequences of a bad decision here.

Take care of yourself, and do something nice for yourself today.

Siobhan