Hi there,

I was in a similar sitaution a while back, so I know how you feel.

From my experience, the things to bear in mind are these:

Firstly, acknowledge that you feel fear and possibly panic about the future and then try not to let it influence your decision. In my case, it was definately the panic and fear that led me into pressurising my girlfriend into taking the steps to abort (which thankfully she didn't in the end)
However, as time goes by, that fear and panic leaves you and the reality of abortion suddenly hits you like a ton of bricks. I know for sure that although i felt that abortion was the only realistic option at the time, had we had we gone through with the termination, it would have wrecked my life.

Secondly, remember that you do actualy have a living baby inside of you, that given the chance, will grow up and share the rest of it's life with you. All it needs is your love and the rest will fall into place.

Thirdly, don't let other peoples' negative feelings about the baby influence your decision - you'll only regret it later. Just because you may not be in a two parent relationship, doesn't mean that it won't be loved.

Lastly, peoples' feelings change. Like me, your partner may well change his mind completely about this baby later on and be glad that you didn't abort.

I really hope you're ok and that this helped you.

all the best

Ben

I found out I was pregnant last week. I suspected but I waited until I was 1 week late. My boyfriend doesn't want it because he knows he cannot be there for the baby (he has another family) and believes that we shouldn't bring a baby to this world if he/she cannot be loved and be in a 2 parent family.

I have given this a lot of thought and I know the decision is mine, but I can't seen to make the decision. This is because I know I will regret my decision regardless of which I make.

I am not getting much support from my family. The situation I am in is kinda looked down upon. I have only some support from my friends.

Logically I think I shouldn't have it. It will be really hard for me to be a single mom without support and I am worried that I can't handle. Plus I will have nothing tying back to my boyfriend. I see this as the turning point of our situation and do not want to continue in this relationship anymore. However, in my heart, I would like to have the baby. I like kids and definitely want one of my own some day. I worry I won't be able to have one if I go through with this. Also I am a very emotional person... I cry everyday now thinking about this situation (I can't even focus at work - which means I haven't really worked in the last couple of weeks). I can't imagine what it will be like with the post abortion stress.

I am very conflicted. I can't make a decision and I can't drag it out too long as this will be by 7th week into pregnancy. What should I do? What else do i need to think about to help me make my decision?

Hi there,

I was in a similar sitaution a while back, so I know how you feel.

From my experience, the things to bear in mind are these:

Firstly, acknowledge that you feel fear and possibly panic about the future and then try not to let it influence your decision. In my case, it was definately the panic and fear that led me into pressurising my girlfriend into taking the steps to abort (which thankfully she didn't in the end)
However, as time goes by, that fear and panic leaves you and the reality of abortion suddenly hits you like a ton of bricks. I know for sure that although i felt that abortion was the only realistic option at the time, had we had we gone through with the termination, it would have wrecked my life.

Secondly, remember that you do actualy have a living baby inside of you, that given the chance, will grow up and share the rest of it's life with you. All it needs is your love and the rest will fall into place.

Thirdly, don't let other peoples' negative feelings about the baby influence your decision - you'll only regret it later. Just because you may not be in a two parent relationship, doesn't mean that it won't be loved.

Lastly, peoples' feelings change. Like me, your partner may well change his mind completely about this baby later on and be glad that you didn't abort.

I really hope you're ok and that this helped you.

all the best

Ben

you said you will regret it either way, if you had it, would you hold it against your child if your unable to handle/cope with being a single mum? if yes, then i think you should not have it, also if you dont keep it, you are going to have a grudge against your boyfriend and family for making you feel like you shouldnt keep it.
so if you dont keep it...your relationship will not get better.
and if you keep it... your relationship will not get worse, but you may have some depression, but theres help with that.

im 18. i have 2 children, and im pregnant, which im not keeping the baby this time, as i know 100% i cannot cope with 3, its hard but if you go through with it, there will be times where you want to just cry and be alone, and there are other times, where your the happiest person alive.. you have to take the bad with the good, andif you can deal with the bad, you should keep it.

Hi,

You sound like you could go either way on this decision, so I would like to add my two cents worth.

Re Father:
A baby ideally should have a loving father and a loving mother to take care of him or her, yes this is true, but the thing is that this baby is already in the world, so it is a bit late to be thinking like this. There is still hope that this child can have a loving mother and father. Just as one egg does not make a mother, one sperm does not make a father. What I am getting at is that there are good men out there who would be willing to love you and your child, you just have to find a hero like this, one who wont cheat on his family, and one who is willing to take on responsibility. Trust me, they are out there, you maybe just have to change your search criteria.

Health:
In most cases, an abortion does not affect the physical ability of a mother to have more children. (leave out the mental aspect here for a minute) However if you go the surgical route, the abortionist has to forcibly open your womb, which can damage it and cause miscarriage and very pre term deliviries of later children. The so called medical route sounds pretty horrific, as you end up flushing your child down the loo, and can cause deadly infection aswell if all the matter does not get expelled - kind of rock and hard place scenario.

There is also the increased risk of getting breast cancer well before your menopause, look up the following link for more info
http://www.abortionfacts.com/breast_cancer_connect-ion/breast_cancer_connection.asp

This is something which the abortionists are still denying, but the dam is slowly breaking down, and I expect this to be a big scandal in the years to come.

Regarding mental health, well it certainly leaves scars, I think you should read some testemonies of women who have had abortions and try to find a story where the scenario is like yours. Google 'silent no more awareness' for hundreds of written and video testemonies (sp?).

This is such a huge decision, and I want you to be fully informed before you decide anything. Sounds to me like you are fairly unsure....Try to relax and do something nice for yourself. The nausia will be over in a few weeks.
Take Care
Siobhan