I fell pregnant with my boyfriend for a year and a half at the time while I was studying at uni. We had decided that we were to move in as soon as I had finished studying and planned to get married. Accidently I fell pregnant, I have always been very broody and even though I was scared I was over the moon and while knowing it was going to be difficult I knew that with my friends, family and boyfriend around i'd get through the hard parts and have my baby.
It was only then that my boyfriend turned around and told me it was the baby or him, I fell to pieces and in the state I was in I had an abortion 2 years ago this past February, I ended up having to be induced and was in hospital for the procedure the day before and after my birthday and I was due on the same day as my close cousin's baby was.
What was meant to be a happy day for my birthday for the past 3 has been horrific and I can't even bring myself to meet my cousin's baby boy. Eventually I thought i'd get through it but day by day I beat myself up about it, I could have coped on my own and now because of me I've lost it all. Every day I feel suicidal and I have tried a couple of times to go through with it.
I just don't know where to go and how to make it better.

Hi Hun,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Abortion is so horrible, and it is its own punishment. Girls suffer more from Post Abortion Syndrome if they wanted to keep the baby and were pressured and blackmailed into having the abortion. This sounds like your case.

I guess you are in a dark place right now, but taking your own life is not the answer. You need to speak to someone, preferably a trained post abortion counsellor, urgently.

What you are going through is very normal. You are definately not the only person who is to blame for this. Your boyfriend has to take most of the responsibility for this one. Also the culture we live in is a bit sick, where you can get an abortion quicker than a filling.

I so strongly urge you to get help. If you PM me with the town you live closest to I will do a bit of research and put you in contact with people who will understand and can help.

Chin up girl, there is a way through this pain.

XXX
Siobhan