My positive medical abortion story. please read this is if you are scared or unsure.

Hi,

I found out I was pregnant on Friday 11th July, two weeks before my 25th birthday, and spent an agonising week trying to work out what to do with my boyfriend. We have been together for about 7 months and I have no doubt that I will be with him forever, he really is my "one" and we've discussed children many times before. However, we aren't ready for a baby now, there is so much that we want to do first: move in together, buy nice things for our home, go on holidays, get married and generally have fun and enjoy being together and being selfish. It might sound like I'm uncaring and selfish but I had to think about everything me and my boyfriend wanted to do before we had children.

It took a week of me agonising over what to do, I cried all the time, I didn't talk to my boyfriend and when I did I was horrible to him. It was partly the hormones and partly because I kind of blamed my boyfriend because he didn't want us to keep it. I felt that if I went ahead and had an abortion, I would blame my boyfriend and would feel so guilty afterwards that I wouldn't want to be with him anymore and that it would completely ruin our relationship but it wasn't like that at all, if anything-we're even better together now because we know we can get through anything.

I told four of my best friends, one of whom had had a medical abortion and had suffered quite a bit afterwards and got depressed and split up with her boyfriend, stupidly, I was using her as a bit of a benchmark, not really thinking about how I'm a completely differnt person to her.

So by the Thursday the next week my boyfriend and I went to the doctor to get some advice about what our options were. To be honest, my doctor wasn't very helpful and when we asked if there was someone we could talk to about our options she said no. She told me what would happen if we wanted to keep it and also, if we wanted to terminate it. She told me that I would be refered to the local Marie Stopes clinic and would have to have the surgical abortion. Luckily, my boyfriend picked up a Marie Stops leaflet on unplanned pregnancy on the way out. That night I called my mum and told her, I was really nervous and scared because although I'm old enough, I didn't want her to be disapointed in me. She was great and made me see what deep down I was thinking too-that having a baby is such a huge responsibility we were not ready for and there was so much more we wanted to do first. I felt so much better after talking to my mum and seeing clearly again what was happening. I called Marie Stops straight away and spoke to a really nice lady who asked me some questions and told me I could have the medical abortion (which i wanted-I'm terrified of needles and never having had an operation before, I didn't want this to be my first!). She said that I could use Marie Stops (which is private) if I got a referal from the doctor. She then booked me in for the following Friday, after a phone consultation that morning.

I can't tell you how much better I fel after making that decision and knowing that it really was the right thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I kept worrying all that week if it was the right thing to do and was still horrible to my boyfriend at times but my friends, mum and boyfriend helped me to see that it WAS the right thing for me to do.

On the Friday I had the phone consultation and then went to the clinic in the afternoon. the nurses were all so nice and made me feel at ease. I had to go and have a finger prick blood test to determine whether I was negative or positive anda scan, I didn't look and although I wouldn't have been able to see anything, it was better that way. So, after that my boyfriend and I were taken into another room and I was given the first pill which I swallowed and went home. I felt fine for the rest of that day and went back on the Saturday afternoon where I took another 4 pills to encourage a miscarriage. I didn't realise but because I am a negative blood type, I had to have an injection in my bum to stop my blood cells attacking any future pregnancies and I'll have to have this anytime I am pregnant in the future.

After taking the pills and being given four antibiotics to take that night I was allowed home. I was ok for a few minutes and then quite quickly I felt cold and had cramps in my tummy. We got a cab home and by the time the five minute journey was over, I thought I was going to be sick and the cramps were awful. I want to be honest when I tell you it hurt a lot, more than period pains!

I got home and didn't know what to do with myself, I felt horrific for about 15 minutes but then my housemates and best friends came home and my boyfriend got me a hot water bottle and some pain killers and I was fine again. I still had cramps and back ache but it was never again like it was in that first 15 minutes. The bleeding was quite bad although I could feel when heavy bleeding and clots were coming so managed to get to the toilet in time!

I felt a little poorly for a few days after-I lost my appetite and had backache and some cramping but overall, I felt ok. I felt like things were getting back to normal and that I could be happy with my boyfriend again. Don't get me wrong-the experience was awful and something that I will never want to go through again, but I am glad that I had it done. The nurses at the clinic were so kind and professional-even the reception staff were lovely.

I just wanted to say that there are some positive stories out there, for every woman that has an awful experience and regrets it, there is one that knows it was the right thing to do. Abortion IS legal in this country and it is there for a reason-to help women. It's not a form of contraception but it is a way of getting help and having the life that you want to have.

I wrote on the wall when I first found out saying I wasn't sure what to do and now I know that I made the right decision. without a doubt. Of course, there are still days when I think about it and wonder what it would have been like to have a baby but I know one day me and my boyfriend will have children and it'll be the right time when we are ready.

If anyone want's to ask me anything then please do-I'm more than happy to talk about my experience to anyone. Maybe I was just lucky but I thought positively about it all and told myself thorught it was the right thing and that it wasn't going to hurt. That really helped me. Along with my boyfriend, my friends, a hot water bottle at all times and a huge box of Codine with Paracetamol from Boots (I swear by it, it's the best painkiller going!).

x

Thanks

hi, i just read your message and its really helped me, i am 13wks pregnant and only found out 2weeks ago, i went to see my doctor and she was rubbish, she just gave me a card and said ring this and that was that, so me and my boyfriend had a long talk about what we wanted to do and we have decided on a medical abortion. I rang the number on the card which my doctor gave me and i got through to a lovely lady who was really helpful and supportive and she booked my consultation at my local hospital for me, the consultation was today(29th sept) so me and my boyfriend went together which really helped, i don't think i would have wanted to go alone. we went to see a doctor first who asked a few questions and then asked why we wanted a termination, so we explained that it wasn't financialy the right time for a baby at the moment and because we had some problems with the people we were renting with we have both moved back to our parents homes wich would also make raising a child difficult which she understood. We then went on to do a scan to find out how far gone i was and then i waited to see the nurse who took some blood samples and explained all aspects of the proceedure which made me feel really at ease about it all and i now have an appointment for the first part of the termination on monday and the second on wednesday. Is there anything you would recomend that i take with me for the final termination on wednesday, i will be in hospital for most of the day, thankyou x

Rachael2009

Hello Rachael2009,glad to hear you got some compassionate support; as you know that can be hard to find for people in your situation. It sounds like you and your bf have considered a lot of things and come to a decision that works for you. Raising a child is no easy task. But please make sure you are aware of all the risks of abortion physical and emotional, including the deep regret that often hits people after its too late, even those who thought they were doing the right thing. And make sure you completely know what it is that you would be terminating. 13 weeks is pretty far along and the baby is pretty developed. I know you are thinking of whats best for the baby, but a less than perfect life is better than never getting the chance to live your life. In fact there is no such thing as a perfect life. See what I wrote to lucylu in this thread. Have you thought about adoption? This way you could give happiness to someone else without putting yourselves in a tougher financial situation. At least maybe you might want to try the phone number or website below (0800-028-2228 in the UK or http://heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp anywhere in the world) also there is a website for the UK, www.pregnancy.co.uk. This is non-judgmental information, counseling and advice about all your options including the bad AND good points of abortion. Maybe youve thought deeply about all these things already dont mean to imply you are rushing but just want to make sure because this is a serious decision that affects at least 3 lives you, your bf, and the child. You will be in my thoughts and I hope everything turns out well for you no matter what. Peace!

Thank you!

Ive just found that im 5-6weeks pregnant. Im only 19, and in my first year of uni. Although me and my boyfriend have been have been together for 3 years, we both know that we would not be able to provide the kind of life we would want our baby to have just yet, and so we have decided to have an abortion. Just want to say thank you very much for sharing your experience, it really has helped me think more positively about the decision we have made. Thank you x

Hi lucylu

Hi lucylu,

Please dont rush into anything. You can see some positive abortion stories on here, but if you look around this site and others, youll see a lot more negative stories stories of deep regret, even from women who thought they were sure about their decision, and even cases of serious physical after effects. Its wonderful that you want to give your baby that you will have someday the best life possible, but first off, babies arent switchable. You cant send one back and come get it later. The baby you would be terminating is gone forever.

Another thing to think about is what kind of life is it that you want to provide. A perfect life? You are already in a stable relationship, you have been together for a long time and obviously can be honest with other and make decisions together. Thats a better set of parents than most babies are lucky enough to have. If youre waiting for the perfect time, that isnt going to come. Sure you might have more money, education, and/or free time later. But none of these things make a happy life or a happy family. So many young women without a lot of resources have done a great job raising their kids. My mum is one example, and she didnt even have a partner to help.

Just take your time and make sure you gather all the facts about all your options. If you went directly to an abortion provider for information and counseling, they might give you only the pros of abortion, with none of the cons and not complete info on your other options. Call 0800-028-2228 (UK) or http://heartbeatinternational.org/worldwide_directory.asp anywhere in the world for unbiased help and data about all your options including abortion. Best of luck to you and let us know how it goes. Take care.

So worried!

Heya, after reading your post I feel a bit better about my situation! Im currently 11 weeks max, I found out two weeks ago. I was, and still am frustrated with myself- Im on the pill, and around 9-10 weeks ago i caught the flu from a housemate- it didnt even cross my mind that being sick would affect the pill! After 5 years of not missing a pill, i fall pregnant because im ill. I usually have very light periods, if any, so didnt think anything of not getting the first period. When there was no sign of a period the seond month i went straight to my gp, who refered me to a local clinic, but the appointment isnt untill the 6th of April.

Ill be around 13 weeks, but with all the conflicting advice online about the thresh-holds for a medical termination, im really really scared that I will have to have a surgical abortion. Everytime I think about having to have a surgical termination i just cant help but cry. I really hope I wont have to have one.

Iv always had an open relationship with my mother, but somehow I just cant seem to get round to telling her. Untill now Iv been ok just talking about it with my partner, he's so supportive and caring, but today he's gone home to Norway, and wont be back untill the 14th. Im sure he'd come back if I asked, but I wouldnt want him to do that because I feel like Im overreacting about it all...

Sorry Ive gone on a bit, I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your positive story, and everyone else for their contributions- theyre all helpfull! And if anyone knows what my chances are of having a medical abortion?
Thanks for any help, x

Thank you

I also had this done about two weeks ago and I also thought it was an easy and less traumatic experience! I did not experience very bad cramps at all but I did get sick to my stomach once! I was blessed with being able to take the other set of pills at home...I had a lot of support and though I feel terrible about it I do also feel better and feel like I did the right thing! You are right there are success stories out there! I am one of them and Im glad I came across this! Thank you

Kayla Houdyshell
United States

Confused

I foudn out two days ago that I was pregnant. Although I knew for probably a week, i just had a sense for it. But I was scared at first and then so many mixed emotions on waht to do. I know I would be a great mom and my bf and I have talked abouit our future before. But he was very quick to say he didnt want this right now. Not a kid, not to bring it into an unmarried home, and he wasn't ready to give up his life for that quite yet. It was hard to swallow, knowing that we both made the adult decision to do waht we did. And I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, but I am just afraid of going through this procedure and what is going to happen to our relationship. He keeps saying he doesn't know how it will work out, because I'm going to resent him for this or somsething. But I keep trying to explain that its ultimatley my decision no matter what. How did you and your bf make it through this?

Me too

I'm due to have the medical abortion next week, i'm going on thursday for a scan. I'm absolutely terrified. I feel physically sick everytime i think about it and can't stop crying. my normal pill had run out and I was waiting for an appointment at the doctors, me and my boyfriend used a condom, it split so i went and got the morning after pill and took that within 3 hours of our "accident". I then started back on the normal bill and when it came to my break i realised that i had not come on. I then did a test a week later, just for peace of mind not thinking anything of it and it was positive.

my boyfriend and I discussed it and it was decided that i would have a termination. I'm pro choice but where myself is concerned, I never thought I would be able to do it. feel like such a hypicrite. I keep looking up what stage my baby will be at. I'm nearly six weeks pregnant and just cannot believe it. realistically we cannot keep the baby, there are a number of reasons but i can't stop crying about it. it's not that i want the baby so much its that I do not want to terminate it - it seems so selfish and i'm totally ashamed of myself. i'm also worried that i wont get over it and also that i won't be able to have children in the future because punishment for what i'm about to do. i'm also worried that i'll hate my boyfriend for us doing this, i know the final decision is down to me but if he said there was a feasable way that we could keep the baby i would not even consider a termination.

i'm just deveastated.

Hey

Hey Taryn

We must be the unlucky that the morning after pill fails for. If that thing was 100% it would save so much heart ache.

I really know exactly how you feel, I didn't want to have an abortion, I didn't want to be "that girl" but I didn't want a baby either. I could not have kept it either. But at the time I was pregnant I was so sure I wanted to do it, I had no-one trying to talk me into but god the amount of people who tried to talk me out of it (mostly on here - bible lovers who actually should know it says in the bible not to force your views on others!!!)
Like someone else said only you know what is best.

I was due a medical abortion aswell (ended up having a surgical but thats a whole other story) The scan isn't so bad, you don't see the screen unless you ask too. Everything in me wanted to see it but I knew I couldn't. Like you from the moment I found out I was pregnant I was looking up at how developed it was, I still do it now and I would be 19 weeks. But alot of them are on pregnancy sites where they show the foetus as a little smiling miniture baby. Not actually how it will be.

If you know 100% you are doing the right thing then everything will be ok. There will be tears and what ifs but thats just something we will all have to deal with. I'm not saying it will be easy but I was suprised how ok and normal I felt after it. I found out my cousin was pregnant exactly 2 months after I had mine and I'll admit I did cry. I'm not sure if I cried for her (only 5 days age difference) because of all the things I know she wanted to do which she now can't or if I cried for myself because I couldn't do it but she could and the fact that at every family thing I'm always going to know that there should be another child running around exactly the same age. I don't know. but its something I've got to live with but I'll cope and you will too. Today I took another pregnancy test because something inside was telling me too (it would have been from the same pregnancy not a new one), it was negative but I wasn't happy, I'm not sure how I felt to be honest. But I know if that had shown postive I would have been devastated.

If you need to shout, scream do whatever to let it out. But do whats right for you and not what anyone says whether thats keeping it or not.

I'm glad that this and other positive threads is up. I know it will help others who are in a panic and not sure what to do. It's not all depression and infertility that some sites and people will have you believe. It makes me mad when pro-lifers get their kicks from trying to guilt trip people. They know nothing about what its like to have an abortion no matter how much they read or how many hours they'll happily go searching for abortion videos. They offer no help to children after they've been born and then moan at the "welfare state" or the amount of teen mums etcetcetc. It's far too easy for them to make judgements when in fact they would react differently if they got into that situation themselves.

I don't want a baby so I'll go protest at maternity units right away.

Bananapop

Hey - thank your message. It actually made me smile even though I know it shouldnt! I had my scan yesterday, it wasn't as bad as i thought and I'm 7 weeks and 1 day. i've been booked in for next tuesday and wednesday for the medical one.
I feel slightly more confident about my decision. i've been speaking about it loads with my boyfriend and have told him that if it was my decision solely then i would keep the baby but it is our decision and it is what is best for us. I was really upset yesterday but the nurses and advisors were so lovely and they told me alot about it. When i came out of the check ups etc there were about 6 girls sitting there reading the same leaflets that i'd been reading an hour before and it just surprised me that so many people were going to have it done, i obviously thought that it was just me being selfish etc. I'm glad yours went okay and and i really hope that we get over it.
thank's so much for your message. I've never really been on forums before but this one has really helped me - i've only looked at this thread though - have not read any of the anit=abortion ones as don't think I could handle it.

Thanks again xxx

Its not alright

Hey girl,

I know this is a hard decision for you. But Abortion is murder. There is a baby with a heartbeat in your womb. What has it done to you honey? The very least you can do is give the baby up for adoption. That baby wants to live. And honey, you want to kill it because you had sex out of marrige? You want to kill it because it is an inconvinence? There is a living child inside of you honey. I am asking you to reconsider. Every other girl I know has rehretted abortion. I know you will too. But honey, whatever you do, I will be praying for you. But remeber, that baby could have lead a very special life.

"it is alright!"

you are really no help at all to people in a difficult situation where it isn't possible to keep a baby, it is the hardest decision to have an abortion and i think anyone that can go through it is extreamly brave and hopefully i have the strenght to go through with my abortion, you are increadibly selfish in telling women it's not alright because it is alright!

Don't be scared...

Hi hun,

I just wanted to say please please don't be scared, it really is your decision and whatever YOU want to do will be for the best, I was terrified and thought that I'd never be able to make the decision to have a termination-like you I was always against it but in the end it was the right thing for me to do. I still think about it everydday and sometimes I find it hard but I know it was the right thing to do and one day I will have children-but I'll be ready and in the right position. Can you talk to your mum about it? Or some close friends, I found that to be a big help. I honestly felt like my heart was breaking but as soon as I'd carried out the proceedure I felt better. I was also worried that I'd end up hating my boyfriend but we are just as happy as we were before and know that if we've got through something like this we can do anything together.

You will be happy again, whether that is with a baby or just with you and your boyfriend. Think really carefully about what you want and talk it over with people you trust.

Please don't listen to people that try anf guilt you in to keeping, listen to what it is that you really want to do.

I hope you are ok.
xxx

Try not to worry

You really don't sound convinced that you want an abortion, and i must stress that if you aren't 100% sure what you want to do then talk it through with perhaps a councellor ... they do offer councelling at hospital for this type of thing. And will know all the options you have.
Trust me ... i had an abortion the other week and you have to have the scan etc ... i think you should bring your boyfriend with you and see the scan aswell then discuss your options. Even when i saw the scan i didn't really feel anything as i know i was making the right decision for me, but maybe it will confirm the doubt you have or maybe you the cons will outweigh the pros of having the child or a termination.
You are very early on so even if you later decided that an abortion is the right thing for you up to 12 weeks it is a simple operation and up to 9 you can have the medical option.
Really do think though because you don't want to end up hating yourself or your boyfriend. But even worse than that if you had the baby in future you don't want to resent it consiouslly or sub conciouslly (if that is how you spell it)
But chin up, mistakes happen, whatever your decision you are not in the wrong, you will be doing what you think is best for you, the baby and your bf at that prcise time. You have time on your side, don't take it for granted, don't make hasty decisions. x

Thanks amzyc1234

Thank you for your message - it's really made me feel better. i'll get my boyf to come for the scan tomorrow and see how he feels after that.
i keep swinging from one way to the other but really thank you as that has helped me x

No probs!

Your welcolme, i'm glad it helped, hope everything goes ok tommorow x

Loopyloo12

Loopyloo12 - thank you for your message. i've tried to reply but it won't let me for some reason - if you have an alternative email then please let me know and i;ll forward it on. I really appreciate your message. xx

Not quite the same

Hi taryn12,

You write 'me too' on the top of your message, but your situation differs to that of butterflygirl in two very major areas: You sound like you really want to keep your baby, and also, your baby is today alive and well inside of your womb.

There are always feasable ways for you to continue your pregnancy, there is so much help out there, just there for the asking. I beg you to research all the possible avenues, talk to your parents, talk to his parents.

You sound like your boyfriend is pressuring you into this abortion, and as you are scared aswell you are kind of giving up and throwing your hands in the air in a kind of a 'well if I have to I have to' attitude. The thing is though that you are a grown woman, and now the mother of the little 6 week child inside of you. You will always be the mother of that child, regardless of what you decide to do now.

You have to start taking responsibility for your own decisions, and get brave for your own sake and for the sake of your unborn child. Get into tiger mama mode, if anyone wants to harm your cub, you know what to do.

A forced abortion is the worst situation for anybody, and your boyfriend does not have to beat you up to force you - the subtle and not so subtle emotional pressure does the trick most of the time. He is probably just as scared as you are, maybe even more scared, but he might be relieved if you take a strong stance now on having your baby. See if you can get him to come along to a scan with you.

Dont be pushed around by anyone. Anymore.

XX
Siobhan

Hi butterflygirl

I just want to tell you I am happy it all worked out for you. If you weren't ready to have a baby, what you decided was right. I wish you have a wonderful life with your boyfriend.
Best regards

....

Hiya, i had the surgical one on monday. I haven't really had any pains but all the nausea and nood swings are gone! It is good to see someone else has a positive story on here as well as me and a few others Exactly abortion is legal for a good reason!! x