23, i had an abortion 2 weeks ago at 11 weeks pregnant - my whole experience from begining to end.
Hi,
I've read through some of the posts on here, and thought I would write what has happened to me, in case anyone can offer me any help or advice, and in case anyone in a similar situation reads it.
I came back off holiday at the beginning of August and was throwing up for a week, food tasted funny, I'd completely gone off alcohol and cigarettes and when my period was late I decided i couldn't ignore it anymore and I got a test, and found out I was pregnant.
I was 22 at the time (unfortunately my birthday was in the middle of all this) and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years (he is 25) we live together in a small 1 bedroom flat. Within 5 minutes of doing the test he said he thought I should have an abortion. I never really felt like I had complete support after that to make my decision. He said he would support me no matter what, but after saying that i should have an abortion I don't think I really believed him. He said he wasn't ready, that he was too young. That we didn't have enough money or space in our flat, which is true. But afterward I asked him if we did have money, if we had a house would you have wanted to keep it then...and he said no he would still not have wanted it. As we have been together for 3 years I'm finding his reaction hard to deal with and am starting to hate him.
I went to the doctor and they booked a consultation which because of the NHS waiting lists took 2 weeks. I was offered no counseling, no advice, I had no clue what my options were. The doctor was useless.
I was unhappy with the thought of sitting at home for two weeks not knowing how far gone i was, driving myself insane thinking about it all the time and weeping. So i went to see another doctor who was much nicer, she scanned me and told me i was 8 and half weeks gone. I hadn't missed my first period which they always tell you is the first sign...i actually had a period and wasn't late until my second one! She thought she saw something on the scan that looked like an ectopic pregnancy, but there was one in the womb, so she said it could be a heterotopic pregnancy (very rare but where one baby is in the womb and one is developing in the fallopian tube) I was so scared I was shaking, at the thought that i might have to have surgery to remove the tube. I went over to the hospital and they examined me and had a look at the scans and said it wasn't a heterotopic and it was a cyst (which was, and still is, causing me pain on my left side). So i went home to wait another week for the consultation.
I thought the consultation would be where they give you counseling. The entire NHS system was nothing but a complete let down. I had to go to one room for a scan, they didn't allow me to see the scan as they said it would upset me. I had to go to another room where i was asked if i want the abortion to sign here, then i had to sign another 5 or so times saying I'd been explained the risks, the procedure, that i gave my permission for them to dispose of the fetus. I asked her what that meant; and she told me the hospital had a ceremony with a priest and the fetus was cremated. I asked what happened to the ashes afterward and she didn't know. She booked it for the next Thursday (2 weeks ago yesterday) I wasn't once asked why I wanted an abortion...i was given a sheet of paper with lots of questions on it and it was one of the questions. Having to write it down on paper was very hard. I also think it was very cold and harsh that there was no slight sign of empathy to even speak to me like a human being and ask me. I was also not examined by and asked if i was 100% by 2 doctors, as it says is the law on every website i've read and in newspapers. Then i had to go somewhere else to give blood. Then to another building where I would actually go for the procedure and the procedure was explained again to me.
I felt like I didn't want to have an abortion but I didn't really have any option. I had just left university and had no job, I have no money at all. My boyfriend doesn't make enough to support the both of us let alone a baby as well. We live in a tiny one bedroom flat with no space even for a cot let alone anything else. I didn't think I could support a baby financially, we would have to move, which would be impossible with no money. My parents were not supportive in the slightest, and his parents live in an identical flat. It really seemed like my back was against the wall. I felt like I would have to bring it up alone, he made it very clear he didn't want it. Which really has broke my heart. Because I didn't find out till i was 8 and half, and then the consultation took 2 weeks just to get that i felt like time was running out.
The ward i was on while i was waiting for the abortion was horrible and very distressing. I could hear every conversation the other women were having, I could hear them crying. I had been very scared of the actual procedure it's self, i don't even like needles and had never had general anesthetic before (I had a surgical/suction procedure). A doctor put a tablet inside me to soften the cervix an hour before. I was crying when they took me in to the operating theater, mostly because I was scared, but also i knew i wasn't 100% ok with it. When i came round i wasn't sure where i was or what was going on, i was very confused and scared, i kept asking the nurses if they had done the procedure because i had no memory of it and was confused (when the general anesthetic was wearing off it was like being drunk, not really knowing what was going on) I couldn't feel anything. When they wheeled me back in to the ward and closed the curtain and said i couldn't sit up for half an hour, I started shaking uncontrollably and quite violently, i'm not sure if this is just the anesthetic wearing off, but my boyfriend held me till it stopped.
I was still not quite with it for a while, when I started to feel more 'sober' it dawned on me that it wasn't there anymore, I had been putting my hand on my stomach and knowing it was there was somehow a comfort (even when i knew i was going to have an abortion) and now it wasn't there it felt devastating and I started crying.
They gave me a hot chocolate and a biscuit and then pretty much said you can leave now. I said i want to speak to someone about the cremation...and the nurse looked confused, as though she'd never been asked this before and went and got someone else, who took me into an office. I said that I wanted to know which cemetery it was, and she told me. I said I wanted to go and she said I wasn't allowed as it was against their policy. She was quite sympathetic and kept apologuising that i should have been given all of this information already, she explained that if i wanted to attend any kind of cremation i would have to collect the remains and organise it myself... i couldnt speak at the time as i was too choked up, i thought i wouldnt be able to cope with going to the morgue and collecting the remains in a plastic box. That it would be too distressing. We left and went home.
I burst into tears once i got home. I had cramps, like period pains. So took quite a few painkillers (they wouldn't give me any to take home - they said i would have to buy my own paracetamol) It was ok until i went to bed, they told me you'll just get some cramps, which is all that i expected...i was up until 6am in pain. I wish now that i had rang 999, because i don't think it's right I should have been in that much pain after surgery and only had paracetamol. I felt ok after. but like going to the next room was a lot of effort, i needed to just rest and take it easy.
The first week after was the worst, i didn't leave the flat once. I was in worst state I've ever been in. I kept feeling like I'd left it at the hospital and needed to go and get it, to protect it. It hadn't really all sank in yet. My hormones are still all over the place. I would feel fine all day and then just out of no where burst in to tears and just cry uncontrollably for ages. It bothered me that my boyfriend hadn't really cried at all over it, he didn't seem to be effected at all, like nothing had happened. It feels like I;m the only one going through this. In every other way he seems like a very caring person and is a good boyfriend, he has comforted me and gone to every doctors appointment, but this is really starting to make me resent him.
On Sunday (14th sept) I started to get really strong stabbing pains in my abdomen, I got them for a while and then i noticed lots of bright red blood on my pad. Which worried me as it was 10 days after the abortion. I went to the doctor on Monday and had to go in on Wednesday for a scan and a blood test, the scan showed nothing abnormal though i still have the cyst which i have to go back for another scan in 4 weeks and if its still there might have to have removed with keyhole surgery. I had to go in today(friday) for another blood test and take it straight over to the hospital (which is really close to my doctors) and then my doctor rang me with the results (the blood test was to check my hormone levels i think) she said the results showed my hormones were going down slower than expected and because i didnt have any pain or more bleeding today i dont need to go in to hospital, but i need to go in next thursday for another blood test and she said if i get any more pain at all or heavy bleeding then I need to go in as an emergency. I'm worried. I'm not really sure what it is they're looking for/or think could be wrong...
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I have pieces left in me that are getting sort of infected, they gave me anti biotics and I go back to the dr tomorrow to find out everything for sure. As far as I know if you ahve what I do it isnt going to cause any perminent damage for having kids when yoru ready, which is my main concern.
xx
please dont read this if you are a sensitive person. 
