i had n abortion two weeks ago, been with my boyfriend for jus over a year. at first he was okay with the idea and i was quite looking forward to having a baby with him. i already have a son from a previous relationship, my son is nearly three ad my new partner did have difficulties at the begining of the relationship accepting this. But a week after we discovered i was pregnant my partner started having doubts and mentioned abortion. He kept changing his mind and i found this really hard to deal with. But he had made up his mind and told me he loved me but thought it was for the best as the timing is wrong. So i found it hard to get my head around but i didnt want to do it on my own again as i had with my son so i agreed. Only now two weeks after he has been really distant from me, hardly ever wants to see me or even talk to me. When i finally got to talk to him he said he was feeling really down and finding the whole thing hard as he feels soley responsable. And that he wanted a baby but was scared of having two kids. now im feeling hurt and confused and i feel like our relationship is not going to last. i kept my feelings to myself as i didnt want to upset him but now knowing how he feels im finding it hard. eerywhere i go there seems to be babies or pregnant women. And now i just feel like i want a baby more than anything. i duno what to do i really want us to stay together because i really love him alot and im scared its ending. he says we will be ok and everything will be fine but im ot sure. Any words of comfort or ideas on how i an put things right again? in need of advice!

i was in your situation about 7 years ago. i was 16, and felt under pressure to have an abortion. it was more my parents decision, as they felt it was RIGHT for me.my partner was siding with them, unwanting to rock the boat.

people have no idea how hard a decision this is, and all the emotional trauma it causes afterwards.

i do realize that i was very young, and yes it probably was for the best,but i still have regrets after all this time.

i urge anyone that is in a dilemma like yours, before making the choice, that they need to be 100% sure what they want.

your partner was going back and forward in his decision, and obviously unsure in what he wanted. it made it a very hard decision for you, as you didn't know what he truly wanted. and he now feels after it all that it was maybe the wrong decision.this makes it even harder for you to accept. but do not feel blame. you have to move on, and it does get easier.

the only words of comfort i have, is dont let this come between you. if you want your relationship to build. it is an awful experience to go through,i know. but sometimes it can make the two of you stronger together. i am still with the same partner. we have been together 10 years, are married, and have 3 great kids. we have brought this subject up alot over the years, and he is aware that he wasn't very much comfort at the time.he realizes about how much it hurt me now, and i think he was shocked about how i truly felt about him for not understanding my pain.
my main point is, you can move on from this. it does take time. you will have days worse than others.
one thing i urge you to do is, talk openly to your partner. if this situation had to arise again make sure you are both on the same wave length. don't wait until next time, and be in the same boat again. do it before hand. this way there will be no problems arising, or hate and blame. xx xx xx

Hi

I dont have so much advice for you but am writing to let you know know im going through pretty much the same as you at the moment. I have 4 kids to my ex who i seperated from early last year and have been with my new fella for a year. I found out I was pregnant in feb and he said he would stick by me whatever i decide although after a few weeks i decided to keep the baby and his attitude changed. Eventually when i was 3 months gone, fearing our relationship would come to an end if I didn't, I let myself be persuaded into having an abortion despite my maternal feelings and now I feel im suffering so badly with the choice I made its coming between us. I get no support at all and he is only interested in going out with his friends at any given oppertunity and sitting on the computer if he is at home. Its like he's shut off to it and I cant get my feelings out as he refuses to talk about it at all. I know this wont be any help to you other than the fact its good to know your not alne. Sammy. x