Faked a miscarriage but had a medical abortion...

Hi everyone,

I fell pregnant in April to my partner who I've been with for just over a year. I was on the pill at the time and it was totally unexpected. At first I was in shock but immediately told friends and family that I was expecting my first child. I tried to be happy about it but I had nagging doubts about my relationship (he works away a lot of the time) and was also heavily in debt. Anyway in the end I decided I couldn't go thru with the pregnancy and decided to have a medical abortion.... I coudn't bring myself to tell my boyfriend or my family so I faked a miscarriage - something I will have to carry with me forever. I'm sorry to anyone reading this who has gone thru the trauma of losing a baby but I didn't know what else to do I now regret my decision and wish I'd kept my baby. I also wake up in cold sweats thinking bout my boyfriend finding out what I've done...

After the abortion I went on the depo shot but only had the one injection. I was due to go for the next shot in June but decided against it. I have now decided I want a baby and was wondering how long it will take to get pregnant? I don't people for thinkin I'm shitty person and you probably think I don't deserve to fall pregnant again but any replies will be greatfully appreciated

many thanks

Hi

Yeah, Aimeevictoria, don't really see that what she did was wrong because you've had three miscarriages?! I am sorry for your loss but everyones different and her situation ISN'T yours!

There seems to be alot of bias on this site, you to do what is right for YOU.

You deserve impartial advice, I think councelling is a great idea for anyone facing a difficult decision such as this.

I understand

when i found out i was pregnant i told most of my friends and my family that i was pregnant then i found out my hubby wanted me to choose i was thinking to my self wat am i going to tell ppl when they asked me how the pregnancy was going so i though of telling them i had a miscarriage and only one or two ppl knew the truth wat really happened causse i didnt wat ppl to think i was a bad person that i was willing to choose my hubby over my baby ..... ur not a shitty person alot of ppl do it but wats makes a shitty person is when they are really not pregnant in the first place

u have the right to be happy and if that means having another baby go for it .....
pm if u want to talk

Hi

Maybe it was wrong what you did, but whats done is done, you aren't the first to fake it and you won't be the last. Can you live with what you have done to protect others from the hurt or not? I wouldn't think of rushing into another pregnancy as you might find yourself in the same situation and that is the last thing you need. Maybe ask for counseling to help you come to terms with it, it might help. Just keep thinking of the reasons why you did it, it was the best for you at the time.Don't let anyone on here make you feel guilty for what you have done, there are a lot of people on here who do that, I had it .

Thanks

Thanks mich509, your message has made me feel so much better about the situation. I can live with what I've done because I have to. I did what I felt was best at the time and in keeping it to myself I will spare a lot of hurt to others in the long run. People are quick to say 'tell him, tell him' but what's the point??? We have already mourned the loss of the baby (even tho it was voluntary on my part) whats the point in going thru it again? What wud it achieve. Thanks for your wise words and I'll be sure not to rush into pregnancy without thinking it thru first x

Hi

I just read your post. Im currently thinking of getting a medical abortion. I have a partner who wants the baby however weve only been together for 2months!! im approx 6wks pregnant and in my mind we dont have a stable enough relationship to proceed with having a baby. He is very upset about my thoughts and its crossed my mind to fake a miscarraige but have an abortion. I know if i have an abortion he wont forgive me as he so wants a family. I just dont think that the time is right! its all too soon for me, 2 months is nothing and i dont feel that we know each other well enough for having a family and I dont want to be a single mum or bring a child into the world without 2 parents. I really donot know what to do. Tomorrow im ringing bpas for some advice and will just go from there I suppose. your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Reply to louise cat

Hey hun, I read your post and I was in the same sorta situation me and my son's dad was only together 2 months and we broke up before I found out I was pregnant. He ended up getting into trouble and going into prison while we was apart. I found out I was pregnant and was really unsure as we hadn't been together long and I was also scared of being a single parent but I went to an abortion clinic and realised I couldn't go through with it in the end I was going to keep my baby no matter what. My son is now 4 months old and he means the world to me. Im giving his dad one chance for us to be a family and he has proposed and want's us to get married. What im trying to say is things don't always work out in the best situation but things do end up working themselves out in the end. Just be 100% sure about your decision because im so glad I kept my son and can't imagine life now without him. But the thing with an abortion is you can't go back once it's done so just be sure on what you want
xxx

Advice

Hi Louisecat123,

You didnt mention your age or current status in life...working\other children etc. Not that it matters, but in agreement with other comment made about go to careconfidential or you can phone your local unplanned pregancy clinic (usually family planning clinics) as they will provide you with details of the counselling service the nhs provide.

I would like to point out that I've just had a recent surgical abortion and have very painful emotions of guilt anger and shame - all of which were not expected and that i am struggling to come to terms with what I have done. So please if you have any doubts or struggles with making the right desicion - dont do it and seek further support !

No-one told me of these feelings not even the counsellor I saw before I finally went through with it, the doctor mentioned it briefly a couple of days before the 'simple procedure' but I didnt really take it on board and was just too stressed being in that situation feeling trapped and the clock ticking....I found the whole experience traumatic and am still suffering some sort of post abortion stress. Also all my reasoning about why I didnt want to have a baby, seemed irrelevant and pathetic afterwards compared to how it has left me now feeling.

Some women dont get like this and are relieved but quite a lot do and trust me its not nice.

So seek that advice asap.

For louisecat

hello louisecat123,

Sorry to hear you are in this difficult situation. You never know what life is going to throw at you. Hope everything goes well for you.... May I ask though, do you have something against children who don't have two parents? You imply that a child raised by a single parent or who doesn't come from a "traditional" family is somehow inferior or can't have a good life - and that is just not true. I don't mean to sound harsh, and feel for what you are going thru. But considering the physical and emotional risks of abortion, it's not something you want to rush into, especially when you have a partner who is willing to support you thru this. About BPAS, they will give you advice about all options, but remember that abortion is a business for them, they might be "non-profit" but don't be fooled: they make money from abortion and they do not make money from other options you may choose such as adoption or raising your baby. Plain and simple, they might try to be objective but they can't. So you might also check out the unbiased help at http://www.careconfidential.com/ . If you want to talk more also please let us know more about yout thoughts. What do you see as the pros and cons of your different options? Wish you the very best no matter what you decide. Keep in touch ok? Peace!

Hey hun

well firstly i do agree what you did was wrong having 3 m/c's my self but i know you must have been in an arful place to do that and how it has affected you, but if i was you i would tell your parner what happened and just explain how you feel/felt i am sorry you feel this way, i have never had an abortion but am shore you must feel low and regret it from what you have said. well i am not shore how long it will take you to get pregnant after my 2nd m/c it took me 2 months to get pregnant again but depends everyones diff and may be different for you after having an abortion xxx