I'm so scared and angry with myself

I could really do with some advice, as I have no-one to talk to.
I've found out today that I'm pregnant. By my working out about 4-5 weeks and I'm absolutely terrified. I came off the implant about a year ago, and have had no accidents at all, but my period just did not come this month, and I just KNEW.
There is no way I can have this baby. I am no longer with my partner, and there is no chance of reconciliation. Also I never want children - not now, not in the future. I hate the thought of something being inside me using my body, and I am so upset with myself for getting into this situation.

I've been to the docs today, he told me that by the time I get an appointment, I will need a surgical termination, as opposed to the one with pills. The doctor was quite rude actually and I got the impression I was being judged. Maybe I'm being over sensitive but that's made me feel even more down.

Please please could anyone who's got experience of a termination advise me to the procedure? How long will it be until I can get an appointment? What happens during the actual surgery?
Many
Thanks xxx

Been there

I went through pretty much the same thing as you although I asked for the pill termination and backed out at the last minute as the nurse didnt think it was suitable for someone to have if they were getting public transport home and I can honestly say Im glad she talked me into the surgical option. It was relatively quick and painless, I was there for about 3-4 hours but it didnt seem that long really. After all forms were signed and blood pressure was checked me and 2 other girls were taken to a room to change and have a wee and whatnot and although loved-ones werent allowed with us it was fine because we were all going through the same thing so we could openly talk about everything, then we went away one by one to the anaesthetic room which was the worst bit really but they were all nice and there was lots of pleasant small talk n then i fell asleep and the next thing i knew i was all drowsy waking up crying loads, mostly through relief, a bit because i was all drugged up, then we went n got dressed (which was tricky when you still drugged up), had a cuppa and a biscuit and were sent on our merry way. Pain-wise it was just like period pain for me and that lasted the normal amount of periody-time.

I too didnt feel any connection to the "womb borrower" which is whats bothered me the most since the abortion as i thought i was always gonna be a mum but Ive not once regretted my decision.

It took 2 weeks from my appointment with the local family planning people to getting my appointment with the special abortion people, which was on a wednesday, then i had the abortion that saturday so not that long really though at the time i felt like years.

If you need to know anything else just ask, i know how horrible the whole thing is and if i can help in any way i'd be glad too

xxx